Let’s admit it - we all are people pleasers to some degree. Is that so bad? It can be… depending on the degree. I believe that the degree is dependent on our belonging need, unmet need, and how/if/we value our belonging. Where is your comfort level (and we all have different points at which we are 'comfortable'.
Sooo... what constitutes a met need in this area? Do you even know? Should you care is a given 'yes' answer. If you are the type that agrees with whomever you last spoke to then you are at one end of the continuum. At the other end is the person that plunges on ahead without any regard to the consequences that could occur to others. Quite honestly, there's a wide tightrope of considerable length in between. So where do you fall? Do you care?
On one hand 'people pleasers' really get a bad rap because they are seen as wishy washy. They are seen as trying to be all things to all people - and that's not just a flawed philosophy, it's totally impossible to sustain. But is that really the definition of a people pleaser? Is there no saving grace to this position? OK, maybe that last sentence was a bit overboard, but sometimes one has to do this in order to get others' attention.
Bottom line is that I do think we all are people pleasers to some degree. Most of us want the best for that other person, even when it's not reciprocated. If you're a Christian, we're kinda meant to be this was. However, I've always seen a slight caveat.
"But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’ [a firm yes or no]; anything more than that comes from the evil one." [Matthew 5:37]
This unmistakably means - you don't say 'yes' to one person and then to the next person you speak with on the same subject, you say 'no'. Doing this reinforces the realization by others that you are untrustworthy, because your reputation will precede you when you are seen in this light. I tend to think these people who act this way are trying to avoid conflict at any cost - even of their own reputation. Would you ask the opinion of such a person because you will never know their true thinking and acting? As a support they linger at the very back of the group so they don't have to acknowledge anything. But this is the extreme.
If you want to consider a different definition then look to scripture as to how we are to treat others. There are many verses speaking to this, I'm going to share 4:
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." [Philippians 2:3-4]
" Treat others the same way you want them to treat you." [Luke 6:31,
Matthew 7:12]
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]. Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you."
[Ephesians 4:31-32]
You could possibly make an argument or redefinition of the first 3, but this last one puts a period.
"I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too are to love one another." [John 13:34]
When we try to follow Jesus' command we really are fulfilling those first 3 scriptures. This can probably be looked at as the pinnacle of direction and definition of being a 'people pleaser'.
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