YOU are important...

  Am I hearing a 'ya right' response? Let me say it again - YOU are important. You are special. But you have to believe this as well, not merely intellectually - emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. By extension this means that the person standing next to you is important too - whether or not they know this or have accepted it. This is not an self designated importance - there are those who act as if they are absolutely critical to the functioning of the world - not. Importance comes from within and exudes from that source - it doesn't need to shout. It is an 'is'.

  Webster's describes/defines importance as: consequential, a quality or aspect having great worth or significance. The only word of any meaning in that definition is 'quality'. Though this is a word that is individually defined, it is a word of great power. But important is also an 'is' in my definitional world - the difference is one of position. Example: we all may consider 'belonging' as important for us, but  depending on our experience, it may be more or less critical to us.

  How you blend you and important often determines who or what is in control. If you attached too great an importance to you then you can easily lose both perspective and definition. 'Important' is an internal mindset - or it should be. It should speak to your level of confidence in who you are and what you're doing. It should also be the mindset that directs what you expect from yourself. It becomes a standard for your behavior.

  You can never forget that you are an example, a model. People will listen to your words but it is your behavior that will convince them of your belief in what you say. How you react and interact with others lets them know their value in your eyes, how important they are... or aren't. 'Important' should always be touched with grace and mercy simply because though we are important, we don't always act that way - no one does.

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

Birthdays (only slightly tongue-in-cheek)

  You do realize that you really only have one day out of the 365 in a year to 'legitimately' indulge yourself and not get others riled.? It's called your Birthday. No false modesty or self deprecation - that's the one day that you can legitimately SHINE and enjoy it. There are 5 simple rules of Birthdays that I present for your consideration.

  1st rule of Birthdays: if someone wants to throw you a party - let them! Don't go all 'ah shucks' on them. Appreciate the effort and even if you hate it - grin and bear it. It's their way of honoring you - and that's the point.

  2nd rule of Birthdays: if no one remembers your birthday don't pout. And never make another person feel guilty about missing your birthday. It really was your fault in the first place if you didn't get the information out.

  3rd rule of Birthdays:  if you receive a present - like it! Some people find fault with whatever they receive. Remember that they did something to present you with a gift and unless it's the gift that you gave them - be gracious.

  4th rule of Birthdays: always, always, always buy yourself a present. This way you can be confident that you will have something to open. Preferably the gift should be something you've put off purchasing for yourself and something you're fairly certain no one will get for you. But, don't buy a gift that will require you saving all year to pay it off.

  5th rule of Birthdays: never, never, never forget someone else's (like a family member or a close friend) Birthday. The gift is never as important as acknowledging the special day.

  These 5 simple rules can be expanded upon but since my Birthday was yesterday I thought I'd share, the day after, my approach to enjoying (and surviving) that special day. Remember Birthday is always spelled with a capital B.

Do's ... and Don't's

  Like most people you probably grew up with do's and don't's. But, which was the most predominant - the do's or the don't's? And what did the don't's relate to - physical safety or intellectual? And what did the do's relate to - tasks or discoveries? Do's and Don't's speak to other's attempts to either enable or control? And I do realize that is a somewhat simplistic definition. However, the impact of how we are introduced to them and how we are allowed to react with them has lifetime ramifications.

  Do's can be as controlling and limiting as Don't's. Think about yours - how did you interact with those two words? One of the biggest determinants in your reaction is whether or not there was any form of explanation provided with the words. Did you know what you should or shouldn't do something? Were explanations of why given? And, equally important, did this make sense to you?

  How you learned about do's and don't's will undoubtedly get translated in how you present them to others. Did you learn based in fear? dire punishment? or painful injury? Or were the ramifications from what your actions would produce taught? I do enjoy the '...come let us reason together...' approach to teaching and learning, and it can be used regardless of age. The lessons stay longer with this approach - at least that's my bias but it also indicates how I was taught.

  Do's and Don't's provide parameters - at least they can. But I don't think they should be walls. If they are then someone will always try and scale it. If you don't do a 'do' or if you do do a 'don't' you discover what will be the result plus if you do a do and don't do a don't, you also see the results. But fear should never be the impetus to the learning. A healthy dose of logic will typically suffice. I would argue that the greatest learnings occur when you do a don't or don't do a do and someone sits down with you to help you understand.

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

Success!

  How do you measure success? What's the standard you use - tangible? material? intangible? outward appearance? Is success something in the distant future? Or... can you experience it daily? If you don't believe you can find success daily then rethink your definition. Small successes as you move toward the goal are great incentives.

  Webster defines success as: degree or measure of succeeding; favorable or desired outcome. These 'descriptions' of success are ambiguous at best. The reason is that success is in the eye of the beholder, it is individually defined. What may be a triumph for one may be only a checkpoint for another. Some define success in terms of fame and fortune - which, to me, is a limiting definition. While I can't define success for you, it is critical that you define it for yourself. Otherwise you may find yourself constantly striving without any measure of... success.

  Even when you have lofty goals you can experience successes along the way. How you view and define success is critical to this. If success is only found at the final attainment then discouragement has an easier entrance into the journey. Discouragement is a great saboteur to success. Actually... the more your goals are 'lofty' (defined as long term) the more important it is to have goals earmarked for success along your path.

  Successes as you move toward goal attainment are benchmarks, vantage points from which you can look back and see where you've come from and incentives to move toward the next one. What you don't always realize is that it is also an impetus for others who are watching your progress. Success, and the opposite situation, is a great teacher as is our reaction to it.

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

Is it worth it???

  What you've had to do to be where you are... what you've had to give up... is it worth it? Are you happy, pleased with your journey thus far? Are you excited about what you see as your future? Are you going in the direction you want to? Are the sacrifices you've made to be where you are at this moment in time... has it all been worth the struggle, the choices you've had to make?   Those weren't idle questions. And if you suddenly find yourself not where you want to be... what will make it 'worth it'?

  I'm the introspective type so I tend to ask these questions as I go on my journey. The reason is that if I find myself close to the end of a particular 'trip' and I'm not certain how I got to where I am... I would really hate to find that I've wasted my time, energy, resources on something that isn't important to me. Tiny adjustments as we go are easier to 'handle' then arriving at the close of the journey and finding myself totally dismayed at the end.

  '...is it worth it?' questions are as important as any because it goes to the heart of your behavior and actions n-o-w. If you look at what you are doing and becoming and don't like what you see then the first question needs to be - is this a phase? Do I need to do this now in order to be who and where I want to be? If it isn't worth it now... is there any chance it will be worth it later? Remember that hard or difficult times now may not last indefinitely. Is your goal worth your payments now?

  Obviously my answer would be that if it isn't worth it now and you can't see any value for later, then change. But that's not so easy to accomplish, especially when it impacts other lives.  But can you continue with a half hearted involvement? If you can't then you need to let those who are committed of your  change and together discover options that are available - which may include a replacement for you. If you feel you can make it 'worth it' for yourself then you have the choice to continue or not. The bottom line is - don't lie to yourself. The project may be worth it but your involvement may not.

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

Being fully alive...

  Recently I read a post by John Cheever that said, "... and I think of what an enormous opportunity it is to be alive on this planet." Talk about a positive view of living! I wonder how many of us have this mindset, because to be fully alive means engaging all that we are at a moment in time with all that touches us at that moment. Granted that this is my definition but I find it difficult to accept anything less.

  Being fully alive is a mindset because it is an intentionality that is not only focused but active. You can't interact unless you are active. Risky? No, I don't think so. Not if we are to be all that we can be. And yes I know that this seems to carry with it an intensity that could be consuming. An example might help to clarify: think of something that you believe in to the point that it determines your actions. Do you have a principle or a philosophy or a passion that moves you? If you don't... what's stopping you? The price of commitment?

  No one wants to live a watered down life yet many people do for lack of courage. It takes courage to be fully alive... fully engaged... fully active. 'Fully alive' is always individually defined because no one else can do (fill in the blank) but you. NO ONE can defined this for you, it's your responsibility and your opportunity. Too often we let others' definitions and expectations dictate who we are and the value associated with this... but there's really no personal involvement.

  Now is the time to do this, to be this. You are never too young or too old to start. But if you don't know how to begin or where to start then stop. Stop where you are and take a look at where you've been - do you want to continue? If so, then you have your starting point. If not, then you need to decide where you need/can change to where you want to go. Your journey is yours. Being fully alive is a mindset that is worth pursuing...

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

First time

  Do you have many 'first times'? Why not? First times are fun and exciting and allow you to learn something you didn't know before. Regardless of your age - you should have at least 1 'first time' every day... or as often as possible. First times can be spectacular or they can be insightful or... whatever they turn out to be, the definition is that it's your first time. Do you remember other first times...? Of course you can and some of the experiences were great and some were painful. First times always invoke some response in you - it's difficult to be indifferent to the experience.
 
  Some examples of first times: the first time you rode your bicycle without training wheels, the first kiss, the first job and probably more important - your first paycheck, the first time you were trusted by your parents to 'be on your own'. There is an extensive list of your first times and I suspect the few that I mentioned immediately brought a picture to your mind and a smile... or a frown. Throughout your life you experience many first times - but what did you do about them?

  The point of first times is that whatever it is... a thought, an action, a new learning, a new attempt; it was your first time. Granted it may be repeated innumerable times afterward or changed, refined, or the opposite but that first moment is always - unforgettable. And it brought with it a new sense, a new appreciation of whatever you were doing. Or a sense of 'I'll never do that again!' but it had a significance for you that rarely diminishes over time.

  First times stretch us, get us out of our comfort zone - they always teach (if we want to learn) and provide us with new opportunities. I suspect 'dull' rarely defines a first time - subsequent experience, perhaps. My point is that you never outgrow first times and you can experience first times as often as you want. You are the controlling variable in first times and your attitude determines everything. Fear should never be associated with taking a first time... joy, excitement, challenge - yes. It's never doing something daring or foolhardy for it's sake. Sometimes it's sitting quietly listening to the birds chatter and reading.


...but, what do you think? what do you believe

The wrong you

    What do you do when that part of you, the wrong you, emerges? How do you deal with the 'wrong side' of you? We all seem to have that 'nature' as part of our package - you know... when you say or do something you really wished you hadn't. Or maybe you decided not to do something you committed to but you didn't bother letting anyone know. These kind of wrong you behaviors.

  No one can deny that they have these parts in their personality. And no, you can't just wish them away. Ignoring doesn't ameliorate their 'speaking' - you have to do one of two things: accept that the wrong you exists and do nothing to improve you or decide to control the tongue that misspeaks so often and the thought processes that are insensitive. The latter choice will require an intentionality of thought on your part and a heightened awareness that can never slack off.

  Do you listen to you? Do you watch what you do? Those two steps are critical to an intentionality approach to self improvement. This is not meant to be viewed as a squelch of your personality nor should you be so intent that there isn't any spontaneity. What I'm suggesting is that you become more aware of what you say and how you say it; become more conscious of your behavior and the ramifications that emanate from it.

  I would never suggest that you compromise your thoughts nor who you are. It's your uniqueness that adds flavor and spice to interactions but let's face it... we all need improving. This doesn't have to be a tense reaction on your part - just a conscious awareness.  The 'wrong you' will emerge and when you are aware of it - do something about correcting your words or actions and then learn from the situation. You don't have to repeat wrong you... you really can improve and grow.

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

The promise in you

  I hold to the belief that everyone has a promise in them. And fulfilling that promise is what drives us. However... finding what that promise is becomes the challenge, the adventure - but it does depend on our mindset, our attitude. It really is up to us as to how we approach discovering our promise. Example: if we go into the discovery with preconceived ideas of what it is and what it can't be then this is precisely what we'll find... not more, not different. However if we enter into this adventure with only a discovery mindset then we are open to a more exciting possibility.

  There are a number of scriptures that are ripe with hope related to our promise. They tell us that we will never be asked to do more than we are capable of (not our determination - capable) but we will be equipped with all we need... when we need it. Jeremiah 29:11(-13) is one of those scriptures as is Ephesians 2: 10 - even if you had only those two scriptures, they are more than enough to strengthen us when we run into roadblocks. Obviously there are more scriptures designed to encourage us, since God keeps telling us - we are able.

  One of the teachings Paul provides the church is found in 1 Corinthians 12:13-27. Paul is attempting to use the body as an example to show how important each part is to the proper functioning of the whole. But it is in understanding and appreciating each part that the body is complete. That is why your promise is so important to the body and why the body waits for you to discover and share your part. The problem typically stems from the fact that everyone sees that certain parts appear to be more glamorous or more valued. And thus... more coveted.

  Your part in the body is related to your promise. Once you know your part then you can activate your promise. Without you sharing your part the body will not be functioning at full capacity. But what is truly exciting is that when you step out you experience such a sense of fulfillment, of purpose and thus of fruitfulness. The promise is in you... you need to be confident enough to share.


...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

Unpopular Decision

  Have you ever been in the position of 'making' an unpopular decision, but one you felt needed to be made, was the 'right' one? Uncomfortable, isn't it? But sometimes you have to make decisions that are either unpopular or are 'different' from what others expect or want from you. Soooo... what do you do? Stand by your decision? Retract it? Try and make the decision more palatable? Explain? What will you do?

  Actually is the point the 'right' decision? Attempting to take the emotion and expectations out of the equation, what was the 'best' decision that could have been made at the time it was made? Remember that subsequent information may play a strong role in the quality of the decision, at the moment the decision was made would you make a different one? And if the information now does impact, is there anything stopping you from changing?

  Decision is made. You do believe in what you've done. Those around you have made it abundantly clear that they don't like the decision. What do you do when you find yourself here? For me, after trying any number of responses to the 'displeasure', I finally found that if I acknowledged the feelings and tried not to get into my own vested interest, if I would take the time to discover the reasons it was unpopular I wasted far less time. Not always an easy task.

  While the focus should be on the decision, typically all the attendant 'issues' consume our attention. And in that context, expectations of you by you and others play an enormous role. If you are tasked with the decision making role then you need to act based on this responsibility. Ownership by all is always crucial to effective implementation but if those involved will only sabotage the results, consciously or not, then you may have to make some other tough decisions. So..... now what?
( Just out of curiosity - were you surprised at the reaction to your decision?)

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

Disappoint

  I really don't like to be disappointed. Whether it is intentional or not, the 'let down' feeling is kinda yukky. And, whether the disappointment lies in a person, event, or 'thing' I simply don't like disappointments. However... when I am the disappointment for another person - this I truly hate. The problem, at least for me, is that when I discover I've disappointed someone I really feel quite helpless in redeeming the situation.

  So what to do? Try and make amends and correct, if possible? Attempt to 'justify' why you did or did not do something? Actually I've discovered, somewhat painfully at times, that excuses (a different word for justify) simply do not work... even justifiable excuses. When you are the source of disappointment for another, logic isn't always the answer (can't believe I just said that).

  Also, rushing in to ameliorate rarely is the best approach either. Sometimes your remedy isn't a remedy and only exasperates. The point to remember is that your feelings shouldn't be the basis for your actions. You need to look at both the other person and the situation to determine, first, if it needs to be redeemed or if you only need to address the other person's feelings. Whichever the answer is, that's where you need to focus your words and actions. Explanations can come only after the feelings have been acknowledged.

  You need to realize that whatever you do and/or say - the other person may not quickly accept the 'substitute'. And this applies to big things as well as small. Disappointment is quite insidious and seems to color everything in its wake. Trying to cover it over will never work, substituting rarely works. I've discovered that, for me, the only thing I can do is to acknowledge that I was the source of the other person's feelings, acknowledge that their feelings were hurt, and then wait till they've worked through this to see what needs to be done. Sometimes the first two are all that is needed.

...but, what do you think? what do you believe?

Do you have mountains???

  Do you only see mountains? And craggy ones at that. Your mountain may look like a molehill to some and the Alps to you. It may look like a bump in the road or a range of mountains. Size and number are not as relevant as existence. If you have a mountain then it's a mountain... and it's in the way! The question is: what do you do about it? Not a trick question but do realize that there is never just one answer to this question because, though it is a mountain, they do come in all types.

  Your first question should be - what kind of a mountain is it? What is this mountain stopping you from? If the mountain wasn't there, what would be different. These questions aren't idle ones - you need to know what you are facing and what it is doing. It is completely self defeating if you just blunder about attacking your mountain without knowing it. You also need to know if you've faced this mountain before.

  In terms of strategies - do you go around the mountain or over it? ... or is it possible to be through it? It is another waste of time to convince yourself that it really doesn't exist because you rarely believe this. A mountain is a mountain! Also, it only puts off the inevitability of having to deal with it. But isn't it strange how mountains tend to grow, sometimes escalating quickly, when you attempt to only ignore it?

  I've always found it fascinating that it is in the facing of the mountain that you discover how big (or small) and how extensive it is. Sometimes what you think is a mountain turns out to be only a molehill. Sometimes it is a mountain. However, if you don't deal with it, it rarely just... goes away. Mountains can be overcome, but never through avoiding or denying.

  Sadly, no one can really tell you how to deal with your mountain because every person's resources, talents, abilities differ. You are what makes the difference. In some fashion you will be able to eliminate or neutralize the impact of your mountain. But.. what's your plan? What are you willing to do to overcome your mountain?


...but, what do you think? what do you believe?