Sunday, April 30, 2023

Is it WORTH the struggle...

I suspect we all ask ourselves this question... is it (fill in the blank) worth the struggle? What difference will it make anyway? Is what is all that bad? Well... it might not be 'that bad' but is it in any way shape or fashion, good? Remember what Paul said?

   "I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands
    are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of
    myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand
    about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I
    absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself
    and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary." 
   [Romans 7"14-16. MSG]

Frustration! However, we need to remember that it isn't the falling, failing, sinning that defines us. It's when we stand up again and try again that does. I would also say that it is when we realize that, for example - renewing our mind, isn't a one and done but an ongoing process and one that we can invite our Triune God into our battle(s) - that we can become successful. Perfect will not be our status in this life, but our ongoing growth does testify to who we are becoming.

But let's return to Paul's lament

   "But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if
    the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously
    need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do
    it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then
    I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions.
    Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every
    time." [v 17-20]

Point. We can't do it alone. Our 'good intentions' are never strong enough to defeat and overcome. I believe that's why the Father gave us our armor (Ephesians 6). Look at those verses again - they protect and cover all of us (though an argument could be made that there is no defensive armor on the back of us - if so then I would argue that the Lord never meant for us to retreat, to give in, to surrender to our foe). Then after you begin to understand and appreciate your armor (that you put on) take another look at your weapons (2 Corinthians 10 beginning in verse 4). They are described as 'mighty', 'powerful' which defines effective. 

For me, this means that I can overcome. It tells me I am becoming the person the Lord has always seen. That I can, "... do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). I could also point out that we don't live behind a 50 foot wall - we live in a fishbowl and others are watching how we respond to struggles. It also tells me that I'm not alone in my struggles, even when I am repeating a lesson I thought I had learned. But none of this can happen if I'm not part of the equation. I have a role, a responsibility and my primary responsibility is to continue... to NOT give up, to not sit in the dirt but to realize ....... it is worth the struggle. 

Thursday, April 27, 2023

Here...?

The '?' isn't a mistake. And if you answer... 'of course I'm here' - where is your 'here'? Do you truly know? Have you checked to see if you are on your path to becoming all you are or have you decided to take a 'momentary break'? Actually, what IS a momentary break? Do you define it as not as involved, or not being involved? And how is that working for you?

   "Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone wishes to follow Me [as My disciple],
    he must deny himself [set aside selfish interests], and take up his cross
    [expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come] and follow Me
    [believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering
    or perhaps dying because of faith in Me]. For whoever wishes to save his life [in
    this world] will [eventually] lose it [through death], but whoever loses his life
    [in this world] for My sake will find it [that is, life with Me for all eternity]. For
    what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world [wealth, fame, success],
    but forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"
    [Matthew 5: 24-26. AMP]

The Message Bible says: "What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?" [v. 26]

Did you really think that when you accepted Jesus as your Lord that all of the ugliness would go away and you could lead a peaceful life? We do live in a fallen world, you know. You aren't like the people living at the time of Jesus and expecting a savior who would rid them of the occupying and oppressors (in their case, the Romans)? When you accepted Jesus you signed up for His army! Before you begin whining, look at His army. We are given the WHOLE armor of God (Ephesians 6) and we aren't given ineffective and old weapons - ours are mighty (2 Corinthians 10:4). We are equipped... We are enabled... We are empowered! And I don't see anywhere that we are to take a momentary break - except in Prayer.

When you look at Jesus' life, you see that He often goes away to be with the Father. Goodness, if He had to, how much more do we need to (not really a question). If we really need a momentary break (and yes, I do believe this is critical and scriptural) then the most effective break would be in prayer - to be restored. to be renewed. And if it is prayer that is our answer, and then relationship becomes our context. Which brings up - what kind of relationship are you building with your Triune God?

Life is stressful. It never was designed to be. Look at Genesis again - God walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the morning. He gave them dominion over His creation. In other words - Life was Good. But they threw it away (and don't think you would have been wiser or done differently) - we all have that seed. And it really isn't the point. 

What does our 'Here' look like? How do we partner with the Lord to accomplish His goals, to touch lives for Him, to be His hands and feet and voice in our world? HE chose to involve us, to give us the joy of participating. Isn't that far greater than a momentary moan? Besides, we have the answer to our moan. Turn to Him and make certain that you have invited Him into your Here.

Monday, April 24, 2023

Couch potato Christian?

Too harsh? Don’t get angry … then again if you feel insulted - why? Regardless, how would you define these words? Mine would be: attends church, at least the 2 big church holidays - Christmas and, Easter. Always put in an offering whenever attending church. And that’s about all. And when asked, would be slightly astonished that there should be more. A couch potato Christian probably defines 90% of most people who attend churches… if the analysis of only 10% of these attending church get involved is true. Look around you - how many people in the pews around you are engaged in the life of the church. What about you?

I'm not talking about volunteerism though that may be an example if you've never volunteered in your church... for anything. Are you partially concerned that someone will ask you to volunteer? If you aren't involved in your church, why do you go through the motions of attending - occasionally? What difference does it make? Exactly what does being 'affiliated' with a particular church mean to and for you?

There is no scripture you can point to that says that once you are saved you don't need to do anything. You've made it. Is that all accepting Jesus as your Lord means for you? And as far as scripture is concerned, how does this scripture affect you?

   "So then, my dear ones, just as you have always obeyed [my instructions with
    enthusiasm], not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence,
    continue to work out your salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect,
    actively pursue spiritual maturity] with awe-inspired fear and trembling [using
    serious caution and critical self-evaluation to avoid anything that might offend
    God or discredit the name of Christ]. For it is [not your strength, but it is] God
    who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is,
    strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to
    fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure." [Philippians 2:12-13, AMP]

So... my understanding is that while the decision and act of making Jesus as your Lord is a one and done, it doesn't stop there. I like to think that while the Father always accepts us 'just as we are', He has no intention of leaving us there. So, why should we? We have been blessed with every spiritual blessings [Ephesians 1:3] but these blessings are not meant to be put on the shelf or on the cocktail table to display for others. We are given these because the Father wants us to touch those around us - He has made us His workmanship to walk in good works that He has prepared for us [Ephesians 2 8-10]

Such a wonderful, challenging, exciting, fruitful, fulfilling life He has planned for us. But that does not define 'couch potato Christian' - this is the abundant life that scripture talks about that is ours... if we so choose. God did not save you and call you into the church, His body, to be a pew sitter. He has called and is equipping you to join hands with those in your church to be His hands and feet and voice to thr hurting world that you live in. 

Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Perfect

   "For we all stumble and sin in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what
    he says [never saying the wrong thing], he is a perfect man [fully developed in
    character, without serious flaws], able to bridle his whole body and rein in his
    entire nature [taming his human faults and weaknesses]."[James 3:2. AMP]

Not really an accurate description of you? You are not alone! Do you struggle with not being perfect? If not, does this mean that you already know you are perfected? Not necessarily. I believe 'perfect' is one of those words that may be mentioned but is rarely, if ever, defined. Sometimes I think no one really wants to hear a definition. And being perfect or perfected is not the same as being a perfectionist... though it can be logically argued that the former is the foundation for the latter.

Matthew 5:48 

   "You, therefore, will be perfect [growing into spiritual maturity both in mind and
    character, actively integrating godly values into your daily life], as your
    heavenly Father is perfect."

'Shall be' perfect. A process. Growing... not yet completed in us but Finished by the cross, by the work of Jesus. Grace is the method It never says that we can purchase or earn perfection. Nor does it say this is a one and done. It is always a process we are engaged in.

Colossians 2: 8-10

   "Watch out for people who try to dazzle you with big words and intellectual
    double-talk. They want to drag you off into endless arguments that never
    amount to anything. They spread their ideas through the empty traditions of
    human beings and the empty superstitions of spirit beings. But that’s not the
    way of Christ. Everything of God gets expressed in Him, so you can see and
    hear Him clearly. You don’t need a telescope, a microscope, or a horoscope to
    realize the fullness of Christ, and the emptiness of the universe without Him.
    When you co9me to Him, that fullness comes together for you, too. His power
    extends over everything." [MSG]

The AMP ends verse 10 this way:

   "... And in Him you have been made complete [achieving spiritual stature
    through Christ], and He is the head over all rule and authority [of every angelic
    and earthly power]."

I purposely use bold and italics on those 3 words because they explain it all. It is not we who are in this perfecting by ourselves, we are in partnership with the Lord to achieve perfection and have been made complete. Obviously we aren't there yet, but all the 'ingredients' are in us to become perfect.

There are over 95 verses that talk about perfection. I want to share just a couple.
Matthew 5:48. 

   "You, therefore, will be perfect [growing into spiritual maturity both in mind and
    character, actively integrating godly values into your daily life], as your
    heavenly Father is perfect."

We will be perfect. It is the quality, attribute that is important... it just isn't attained or apparent instantaneous. Growing is the operable word. 

   "Not that I have already obtained it [this goal of being Christlike] or have
    already been made perfect, but I actively press on so that I may take hold of
    that [perfection] for which Christ Jesus took hold of me and made me His own.
    Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but one
    thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies
    ahead," [Philippians 3: 12-13. AMP]

 Paul was still in the process... so are we. As long as we forget what lies behind and reach for what's ahead we will be on the path to perfect (at least in my world of definitions).

Sunday, April 16, 2023

Even MORE Miscellaneous Thoughts on PRAYER, Part 3

   "Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offenses],
    and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The heartfelt
    and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much
   [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have
    tremendous power]." [James 5:16. AMP]       

I've been pondering on this for some time now. I've heard it for years but didn't get into the meat of the verse until recently. Which means that I have a number of questions and observations.

*Is the stumbling block 'confess your sins to one another'. It can be because it involves being transparent - never an easy thing to do. It also requires us to have trust in those we 'confess' to. Now look at the definition, in this case, of 'sin' - false steps, offenses. I think we all will (eventually?) own up to our mistakes. Though I suspect we prefer the milder word 'mistakes' to the word sin. Still......
The result of doing this though is praying for one another for healing and restoration. And those 2 conditions are worth our (momentary) embarrassment

*However, it's this phrase: 'The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much.' Let's start with the qualification - righteous man. Do you know what that means? Does it describe you? Do you have scripture you can stand on that proves this? 

Righteous: in right standing. How are you in right standing? Simple answer is that you aren't and can't of your own accord. It is accomplished through Jesus. Never forget that we are told our righteousness is as dirty rags (Isaiah 64:6). Well that ended that... until you look at: 2 Corinthians 5:21
  
   "He made Christ who knew no sin to [judicially] be sin on our behalf, so that in
    Him we would become the righteousness of God [that is, we would be made
    acceptable to Him and placed in a right relationship with Him by His gracious
    lovingkindness]."

Memorize that verse so you can sling it at the devil the next time he tries to tell you that you are nothing in God's sight. The devil is always trying to tell us that we are not worthy. Of course we aren't... from our own efforts. But in Jesus - we ARE. When we accepted Jesus as our Lord, one of the 'gifts' we received was His righteousness so we could be in relationship.

How we approach praying is as critical as What we are praying for/about. We really need to understand WHO we are as pray-ers. I believe that we always should come cleansed - which is possible when we act on 1 John 1:9 [confess, repent, become cleansed]. We err, we make mistakes, we sin so we are in need of restoration and that's what's provided us in 1 John. Along with come 'rightly' we need to come realizing our righteousness which gives us access is available (2 Corinthians 5:21). 

Now we can give serious thought to 'how'. We can come boldly (Hebrews 4:16) and expect. Besides, why bother coming if you don't believe you will be heard? And we can follow the pattern from Philippians 4:6 

   "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and
    petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Just don't forget the thanksgiving. As long as we are praying according to the Word, I believe the answer is always -  "Yes, and Amen." (2 Corinthians 1:20-21). When we pray, do we pray the Word? We really aren't telling the Father what He's already said, we're telling ourselves and the devil. When we use the Word in this way, praying according to the Lord's purposes and plans, we are in one accord with Him. Now That's effective praying!
          

Thursday, April 13, 2023

Consistency, Desire, and Commitment [CDC]

Do you have the slightest idea what this title means? Do I? I do know they are 3 building blocks for success in any area, at all times. I do believe that without their involvement, we are distinctly in a disadvantageous position. Besides, why waste your time and energy if you aren't CDC. Actually, if it's a team effort, your team needs to also exhibit these traits toward the project and as a valued quality. If they don't you may be intentionally or unintentionally set up for failure. My bias is that I would rather go into a project with 2 other people committed to the same principles and actions then 10 that are not. According to dictionary.com the definitions are:

Consistency: 
   "...agreeing or accordant; compatible; not self-contradictory:
       constantly adhering to the same principles, course, form, etc.:
       holding firmly together; cohering."
Desire: 
   "...a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment:
       an expressed wish; request."
Commitment:
   "... the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself
        a pledge or promise obligation"
 
Granted this is somewhat of a simplistic approach to these definitions, but they do provide a context from which to assess how we define and act.  And this also brings up another way of understanding yourself and others when it comes to CDC. The point: simply because you are asked to participate/contribute to a project (including worthwhile ones) you don't always have to say 'yes'. The primary reason to be selective is that 100% or 90% involvement is far more important than 10%. And no, 'something is better than nothing', isn't always particularly effective.

Personally, if I have so much on my plate that I have little time for anything other than running from one worthwhile project to another. Eventually one gets burned out. Doing C or D or C under a guilt feeling also is self defeating and certainly isn't according to the Father's plan for His people... nor will it last. Eventually, fatigue and numbness will be your condition and that's not living an abundant life.

I think my point is we should frequently look at what's on our plate, where we are spending our resources, including ourselves. It is so easy to get over extended, but never not show up to what you have committed yourself to. Let the person know that you are going to have to step out. You owe them this. 

In a very real way these 3 words define one another. To be committed you have to have desire and consistency... if you are consistent you demonstrate desire and commitment... and desire also is demonstrated by your commitment and consistency. These 3 are part of your fruitfulness which brings fulfillment!

Monday, April 10, 2023

The Potential.... The Promise...

When you look at yourself, your life - regardless of age - are you living up to your potential.... the promise in you? And when I ask this, I'm asking it from your point of view, not what others have placed upon you. I realize that our view is skewed by what others tell us and many times we do want to please them. But never, as in ever, attempt to please them by 'things' that add nothing and are not representative of who you are! Back to the initial question - if you were to grade you, how would you grade you? And is it truly 'fair'?

I believe we all are birthed with potential and promise. Some people never seem to realize this and don't pursue discovering themselves. To me, this is incredibly sad. Why they chose this (because at some point, it becomes our choice) I've never understood. Regardless of upbringing, of experiences, of situations, etc. those only define us as we allow them to. Do we view them through the glasses of potential and promise? Probably not.

When you make Jesus your Lord, everything changed. Typically, You are forced into others' molds for you, all the shouldas, couldas, oughtas, wouldas now fall away. Yes, you do have standards to follow but they aren't burdensome. Matthew 11:28-30 in the Message Bible:

   "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with
    me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with
    me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
    I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and
    you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Does that not sound like a wonderful life? And it really can be ours when we don't get ensnared by the cares of the world (especially those placed on us by others). And another reallllly cool thing is that; in and with the Lord, we can begin exploring our own potential and promise because now we have a context to allow them to emerge). Wouldn't you love to see you in this? And it's no mirage, no magician's trick - it is ours when we are His.

There are times that you want to punch the person in front of you smack in the nose when they go on, and on about your potential.  At least I do. I don't want to be reminded that I have 'great' (undefined) potential basically because I don't think I am living up to what has been given me. Whether I am or not isn't the issue - I don't see me as fulfilling my promise. Guilt then rules the moment. Do know that guilt is never part of defining your potential, promisel plus the Lord never lays shame or guilt on us. Scripture does speak to this point in Ephesians 6:6-7

   "... doing the will of God from your heart; rendering service with goodwill, as to
    the Lord, and not [only] to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one
    does, he will receive this back from the Lord, whether [he is] slave or free."

I would argue that this statement provides us with our intent (doing... from your heart), KNOWING, we receive. And all this can be applied to our potential and promise. Part of the problem may be our one and done approach to developing and acting on potential and promise. It is a process. We learn as we do. In the final analysis WE are the ones that determine if we will share, express potential, promise. Not just the visible but our how of sharing. If we are cavalier about our own potential, why would someone else value it? 

Scripture tells us of all the gifts we are given. It tells us we are His workmanship prepared to walk in those works that have been prepared [Ephesians 2] . We simply bring ourselves, acknowledge the Lordship of Jesus and begin the process of becoming who we are and expressing our potential, our promise.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Self Awareness

Before you say anything, it IS important to have self-awareness and NO it is not egoism or only an obsessive emphasis on me, me, me. If you aren't aware then you'll miss the clues telling you the how and what you do/say has on those observing/interacting with you. This is true even when all you are doing is standing there; Reason: because you speak with your expressions, with your body, with every fiber of your being... We all are always 'speaking'!

I think the point is that we may be aware of what others are saying or doing, at least the affect it has on you. Change to you as the speaker and if this means you are the leader/point person on the project then your what and If you are the 'speaker' provides you important information because you must remain alert to how others are reacting to what you are saying/ Major question - do you listen to you? Are you aware of how you would react to what you said? I know I harp on the fact that it is the message that is important, not the messenger. Caveat. If HOW you present the message produces a mixed message for others, or if too little information is presented, then yes - the messenger becomes critical.

One of the most affective ways I've discovered if I'm communicating what I am intending is to ask questions. Have the other person(s) rephrase what I've said. This way miscommunications, incorrect understandings can be resolved before we've begin (the project, the task, etc.) But after, I try and learn how I can be more effective as a communicator. I believe one can always become more effective. When we present ourselves, we are presenting our message and when we present our message, we present ourselves.

And everything that I just wrote, even if slightly confusing, is summed up in the word - awareness. Without awareness we can't judge ourselves - how effective a communicator we are - or others' understanding of the message, what's been said and what's implied, etc. Am I only stating the obvious? Perhaps, ,,, but, awareness does have a place in how you do/say what you do. 

Now consider who you are as a believer. Are you aware of the message you present? Do you share who Jesus was and is still today? Are you a good Ambassador for Him? Self awareness encompasses everything you are and do so if your intent is in honoring the Lord... this will be your message.

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Meditations

   "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable and
    pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm, immovable] rock and my Redeemer."
    [Psalms 19:14, AMP]

Sound familiar? It should. But is this our reality - are our thoughts acceptable and pleasing? Not always. I think this desire is restated in 51: 10-12

   "Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a right and steadfast spirit
    within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy
    Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a
    willing spirit."

David knew himself and the things that he did and cried out for cleansing and restoration. I believe we all do this. The New Testament rephrased this slightly differently but still it is the same issue in the New Testament. There are over 25 verses that speak to this from taking off the old man and putting on the new to not being conformed to this world. I think my favorite is in Philippians 4:8

   "Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of
    respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and
    wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of
    good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise,
    think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant
    them in your heart]."

That's a lot we CAN think and meditate on! But do we? Let me ask this this question slightly differently - do you ever get in a bad mood? Do you ever get down or depressed? Do you ever get highly frustrated? How about - do you ever get hurt by others. Soooo how do these thoughts fit into the various things that Philippians point out? And don't give me the lame of excuse that you're 'only human' - of course you are! And in whose image have you been created???? Point is that we really have no justifiable 'excuse' to stay in those self harmful places - when we recognize where we are and what we're thinking (often, poor me... and poor me has been blessed with all the spiritual blessings, etc.)

Just how self satisfying and uplifting are those thoughts? Just how do you grow and mature this way? When we are on a path that's not strewn with rocks designed to make us stumble or not more like a familiar dense forest that even a machete would have issues with but is smooth and flat - why choose a path that will probably bring more hurt? And yet, too often we do... we prolong the agony.

Are we punishing ourselves? A bit. But we need to resist. Scripture tells us that if we resist the devil, he will flee )James 4:7). But the Lord isn't going to resist him for us, He's already defeated him. And then the 'ah ha'. We are in a spiritual battle but we've not put on our armor. Without the WHOLE armor of God, how can we possibly think we can defeat anything? Realization and remembering can lead us to resisting and restoration as long as we act on this.

A great aid in all this is our thought life. What are we thinking on? We know what we should be thinking on that is a positive influence. 'The mind is the devil's playground'? Only when we allow him access - and we don't have to. Plus, he never knows if he's effective until he sees our behavior. Don't give him an inch! My remedy is to stop. Then regroup. Begin reciting OUT LOUD so you hear you too and speak the Word into your life, your situation, at your enemy. 

   *Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world 
   *NO weapon formed against me will prosper.
   *I am more than a conquer  AND
   *I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
   *Resist the devil and he will flee
   *The weapons of our warfare are not carnal
   *I will abide in Him... and be fruitful
   * [I'm]Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth

I could go on, but those 8 are a good start. Add to them the scriptures you are standing on in and for your life. And after you've stated them out loud... do it again and then take the time to pick a couple and ponder on them, meditate and watch your spirit expand and lead you. 


Saturday, April 1, 2023

Just as I am...

Do you ever get the feeling that this seems to perfectly depict how you often feel? That you are going, seeking the Lord but it seems to be a repeat? Remember, if you made Jesus your Lord then your life has been changed... even if your circumstances haven't. You have been made a new creation (2 Corinthians 5), but the old you seems to try and exert itself. You're not alone! We all seem to have these times and our enemy tries to tell us all sorts of lies: 'you never were saved', 'you don't really need to make Jesus your Lord', 'you can change your mind and go back to who you were... it wasn't that bad, was it' and all sorts of other thoughts.  Maybe you have backslidden and have bought the lies... Goodness, you have committed the unpardonable sin and now are totally lost forever! NOT.

In case you missed that last word... NOT! That you got off your path is obvious, but you don't have to continue. What's my proof? Look at scripture. Which is also a hint for when you get off your path or are taking 2 steps back for every one forward. 

Let me dispense with the unpardonable sin first.

1. If you really did commit this sin, my first question is - did you deliberately do this? If your answer is no, then this is one piece of evidence. You can't by accident commit the unpardonable sin. And do you think you'd really care if you did? Of course not.

2. Look at how it's described in scripture - Matthew 12:31-32. Another source says: "The unpardonable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Blasphemy includes ridicule and attributing the works of the Holy Spirit to the devil."
You can even google this question and find many sources that aid in understanding. 

Point being. Never let this fear stop you. You do realize it's the fear of the unpardonable sin that gets us. Run to Jesus. He will help you through this false feeling. You bought a lie and now you can dispense with it.

Never forget that we have an enemy that doesn't stop from causing us to stumble and/or fall. 

      "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they
       may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it
       overflows]. I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His
       [own] life for the sheep."

Just in case you forgot... the thief is the devil and the 'I' is Jesus. But let's say that you bought into a lie of the devil - what can you do? Giving up is not the answer. Resolve to change what's happening and renew you. How? A few simple reminders might help and an action that is crucial.
 
1. Remember you are not cast away by the Lord. He gave you a gift to act on in the body. He told you He would never leave you. He reminded you of 1 John 1:9 that when you do sin - there's a way home. 

     "If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful
      and just [true to His own nature and promises], and will forgive our sins and   
      cleanse us continually from all unrighteousness [our wrongdoing, everything
      not in conformity with His will and purpose]."

Clean slate. We begin anew, right where we are, we don't go back to the end of the line. Remember how many times Jesus told Peter we should forgive? 70x7 which means He does the same.

2. Remember that the Father has given us His armor - we have the whole armor of God... but we have to put it on. (Ephesians 6) What good is armor hanging in the closet? How can we be His Ambassadors in this world if we're not prepared? He tells us He has great plans for us (Jeremiah 29) and that He has prepared work for us, His workmanship, that is fruitful.(Ephesians 2)

3.  And we have powerful weapons because our warfare is spiritual.

     "The weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood].
      Our weapons are divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are
      destroying sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that
      sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every
      thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ, being ready to punish
      every act of disobedience, when your own obedience [as a church] is
      complete. [2 Corinthians 10: 4-6. AMP]
 
I don't know about you, but that's shoutin' time! We serve a mighty God and one that is always thinking about us, giving us good gifts, protecting us and soooo much more. Why the moan? Don't wait. Don't think you need to shake off what you are thinking, feeling. Come now. Come just as you are.