Trust is....

Yes I know I've talked about trust a number of times and in a number of different settings. The aspect I'd like to look at this time is... HOW do you know you can trust (fill in the blank). I'm not focusing on 'things' but on people. How do you know you can trust him/her? Is there such a thing as instant trust? What advantages do you experience when you do trust, or don't, or have your trust breached? How do you handle broken trust?

Trust can be a tenuous 'feeling' or extended status. And I suspect there isn't one person who hasn't experienced broken trust. Once trust is broken it's difficult to trust that person ever again. Equally difficult is just trusting in general. Once burned it's difficult to venture into situations requiring any form of trust. It's the mindset of, '...once fooled, shame on you, twice, shame on me' thinking. No one wants to be hurt.

Obviously, interactions and observations of the other person and your relationship with them requires time. It also requires involvement - you can't trust from a distance... preferably involvement in a variety of situations. But perhaps the question is: why would you trust the other person? And, ... why wouldn't you? Do you know what it is you are seeking from the other person that you extend or withhold trust? 

The same questions can be reversed... are you trustworthy? Do others trust you and how do you know? And if they don't act like they trust you - do you know why? Is it justified? Are you a gossip and spread whatever the other person tells you whether or not they ask you to not say anything? I have always felt that trust was a two-way situation. If you aren't trustworthy, why would others trust you? And if you are, don't you see those who do trust you are also the people you trust? If this isn't occurring - then what is really the status of the relationship?

Crisis Relationship?

Don't want to appear too accusatory... but, is your relationship with the Lord primarily one of you turning to Him when you have a crisis? If so, then you are severely limiting the kind of relationship you can have with Him. Scripture tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord. (Psalms 37) Verses 4-6

   "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your
    heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will act. He
    will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as
    the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him,..."

Delight, desires, commit, trust, will act, your righteousness, your justice, wait patiently... what a wealth we receive in our relationship that goes far beyond mere crisis issues. 

I realize we all face crises and that we need to move beyond this point. But too often that is the only basis we seek and what's offered is so much more. Remember too the verse that tells us that we always provides us a way out of temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13), then how much more will He help us to resolve crises that arise? 

Delight. Webster: a high degree of gratification or pleasure; joy, extreme satisfaction. This is what we are to do in our relationship with the Lord. Does this describe yours? If so, then you are mightily blessed. If not... it is available to you. We can delight in our relationship. In my world, this is how I try to focus my thoughts and words. It then tells us that if we do then He will give us the desires of our heart. Do you even know what your desires are? I don't always. It can never include our desire to have others change. Like you, they have free will to make their choices.  

Commit, Trust - He says He will act. But remember that He acts according to His ways (Isaiah 55:8-9) which may or may not coincide with ours. But, when we do commit our ways to Him and Trust in His will then we will be in our best place. If it doesn't go according to our plan then obviously our plan wasn't the best. 

We can have a rich relationship with the Lord, who does seek this for us. Crisis. Yes. But so much more. 

Losing yourself

Happen to you? I suspect we all have this occur in our lives on some level ... frequently. Not really all that unusual, but it can be deadly. When you are so involved in living your life you run the risk of losing you in the process. When your plate is overflowing with demands, requests, activities, people, etc. and when you feel like you have absolutely no time for anything, then frustration rises. Some of us resort to warping into multi-tasking mode. Don't misunderstand - multi-tasking is, or can be, a great help when we are so overly involved, but it too can be a threat, or minimally a distraction, to the fact that we are losing... us.

What I mean by 'losing ourselves' is when we, read that WE, don't include us in the schedule: process and acts of our day. Face it - no one is going to give us the time to focus on the eternal, the essentials of our lives. Unless we take the time to spend on the Lord - whether that's prayer, study, reading, writing, thinking - it will not happen. On should include 'with'. And the point is relationship.

You are very special. We need to understand this and Who made us this way. Distractions and diversions abound and much of it is 'important' but so is taking the time for self. If this sounds like a over emphasis on 'me' - no, read the context again. I've always believed that if we weren't in a good place as 'us' then we probably won't be able to respond for others in a positive, proactive way. If you truly want to be able to effectively respond then until you've taken the time to be with the Lord first, effective may not occur.

All this speaks of our relationship with the Lord - the single most important (my opinion) relationship we have. And, relationship takes time, takes the form of communicating - not just bringing prayer requests but letting Him teach us in the moment. He will. And you will understand... as long as your focus is on what He is teaching and you aren't also making other plans, for 'later, in your mind. Losing yourself seems to be an effective strategy our enemy uses to keep us off balance and unsettled. There is a remedy....

Emotional health

Sad? Happy? Wistful? Just how is your emotional health? Never hide, disguise, ignore your emotional health because it affects so many other aspects of our lives. Whatever your mood is... how do you acknowledge and, when needed, make the necessary changes to correct? Or do you want to wallow in the mood you are in?

One hint is - however you feel... that's how you feel. And if you think that no one will see that you aren't 'yourself', you are completely incorrect. Trying to ignore it is like closing your eyes so you are invisible. Not ever going to work. If you don't 'like' the mood you're in then for it/you to change, you're going to have to deal with it. You can't fake a good mood over a bad, even if you think you can. 

The next hint is - it really is OK to be what you feel... for a while. As long as your mood doesn't bring others down or cause them to think they've done something to displease you. For those in a downer mood, it is extremely difficult to not display negative responses. Again the point - you need to deal with whatever put you where you are emotionally.

Why are you feeling the way you do? What happened to have you end at this destination? I never implied this would be easy. Is it an attitude change you will need to make? Do you want to inflict you on you and others? What are you willing to do to acknowledge where you are, how you got there, and what you will do about resolving your emotional health? These are all personal answers - yours. Want to get back to emotional well-being, health?

Givens and Cement

What are your givens? We all have them. They provide us with our contexts, our 'ordering', our frame of reference. Either we do this subconsciously or we do this deliberately... but this isn't a negative. Unless we put people in cement, givens are our way of responding to our world. The tragedy... or at least discomfort, occurs when we try to apply this to people. They really won't stand still, you know. They will continue to grow and develop, do expected as well as unexpected things... as do you.

Givens are those unchangeables in our lives. Do you know yours consciously? We do need to know what are our standards and principles that we live and interact with during our day. Example: are you the type that believes in 'little white lies'? They really don't exist you know, but many people use this as their excuse. Do you? Or do you rigorously focus on only speaking the truth? This can take the form of not responding as much as speaking. Point is... where is your truth line in the sand?

Givens speak to our character - how we present ourselves in our world and how we continue in this fashion. Are we one thing one moment and different the next? If so, how do we juggle this type of behavior? Character is a critical component in how others view us and from this context, interact with us. Are your opinions sought after and valued? Or do others not request your input because of how you have responded in the past?

Recognizing that givens aren't always in firm cement, do you take the time to help others see how you've changed, grown from your initial position? And why the change recognizes who you are becoming? I sometimes think that we err when we don't explain our why's. Our journey can provide others with their own understandings of themselves. Givens are our platforms to grow on or from. They give us understandings to become all we are intended to be.

I don't tend to believe in cement. Cement doesn't seem to allow for growth, there's no breathing room. There are always exceptions of course. Do you know yours?

"The thing about miracles

is that they do happen." This was a line spoken by the lead character in one of my favorite British programs, Father Brown. It's true you know. Miracles do happen... it's just that we don't always see with our spiritual eyes, only with our physical. Too often we really don't realize what has happened and chalk it up to 'serendipity', or 'luck'(which doesn't exist), or something similar.

When I first heard the line, it got me to thinking about miracles, our lack of seeing them, and our response. Actually, the response should be one of gratitude, joy. So how can we 'see'? I believe there are some key elements that contribute to our sight. The first is that you need to Believe. If you don't believe in miracles, then how do you explain the Lord? You have to have faith first. And I'm beginning to understand that miracles are a method the Lord uses to manifest Himself in the situation so that we see His presence.

Along with believing, I think that we need to Desire to see the Lord's working. This may sound strange, not. If we don't wish to see then even what we do see we won't see. Miracles happen in all sizes, in a sundry of ways, and sometimes in places you'd never look. We need eyes that see, that want to see. His wonders are all around us - in nature, in the touch of a hand of comfort, in 'big' ways and 'small' things of life. Those are only some of the places and acts that confirm to us miracles do indeed happen. 

Could the issue of seeing and experiencing miracles be in the 'what next' category? Do you think that when you experience or see a miracle happening that you need to 'do something'? What would you like to do with the miracle(s)? May I suggest that you honor by acknowledging them and expressing your gratitude to the source? Simple. Then share what you've witnessed. You never know what you say may encourage your listener. 

Everyone should have a friend... at least one

And I mean a close friend... not merely just a group of acquaintances. Someone who knows you - warts as well as those shiny parts. A person who genuinely likes you and wants the best for you. One who doesn't look and see you in cement but knows that you are continually growing. Someone you can trust. Do you have such a person in your life?

Many people do... many don't. When you do have such an individual that meets what I have described as a 'friend', do you provide the same opportunity for them? Or is this a one-way relationship? Perhaps you don't feel you need this type of relationship. It may be a silly question but are you such a loner that you don't need a sounding board to talk things over with that gives you other aspects to consider? Loners can be the result of all sorts of reasons, but if you had a choice - would you seek for such a friend?

I really don't believe we are meant to be in a solo life - hermits are not the preferred lifestyle. Perhaps your relationships are multiple because you use different people to meet your different relationship needs rather than having only one significant other. To quote the song... "People need people" - true. And the rub is to make the right choice of a friend - not an easy thing to do. It takes time and interactions to know if you are confident enough in the other person to trust them with you.

Sharing self is so easy for some... and so very difficult for others. No blame, no accusation, but do know your style. Never rush. The important point is to be able to find a place and person that give you a kind of refuge to share who you are and what your plans are. No one is infallible, have all the answers, or have access to all the outside impacting information - a valued and trusted ally is who we need. We need someone who is willing to dare (risk) being wrong or have us become upset at their views - who speaks their understanding of truth but in love. It really is our responsibility to be open to opposite thinking. 

In the final analysis, it is the Lord who does fulfill that role. He will lead us when we give Him the opportunity. Remember too - He does use others to fill that tangible touch.

Who I WANT to Be

You do realize that your 'want' is critically important... don't you? Who you WANT to be and become factors significantly on what you do, learn, say, think, etc... Your want is the glasses you look through and how you think about and judge you.

It is always considerably easier if we do a frank and honest assessment in order to develop our goals, objectives, benchmarks to becoming who we want to be. It is also important if we 'color' our wants with our abilities and giftings. Never eliminate a goal because it appears to be too difficult - for heaven's sake, give yourself credit for what you can do. Difficulty should only be a factor in timing not in attempting. Also, in looking at who you are at this moment, have you stopped to seek the Lord's advice, His wants for you? I've discovered that if I take the time to ask, He will always answer.

Who you want to be is multi-layered as well as multi-factored and yet these multi's comprise the totality of of your who. Want has to be flavored with dedication, willingness, commitment (a step beyond willing), desire, and a host of other attitudes. If you aren't willing to 'pay the piper' you should never start. There's a scripture, Luke 14 beginning in verse 28 through 32 that speaks about preparation, and tells us to count the cost and deliberate. While the examples aren't in terms of personal growth, the principle applies. You will have to prepare.

No one can determine for you who you want to be. That is both your responsibility and privilege. It is also a case that only you can begin walking this out on your path. I recommend looking at long-range as well as short-range goals and objectives. Then celebrate when you have attained the goal - it should be celebrated! But never stop and take up residence at the first attainment. You really are so much more than you think. But taking one step at a time will get you where you need to be... as long as you have the Lord by your side. You will become what you want.