Been there? I know I have... frequently at work, and definitely with myself. This is also a prime time when I say or do the 'wrong' thing - at least at the wrong time and often to the wrong person. These are very powerful and negative forces. I don't always exercise my self-control or remember all the encouraging scriptures. This is rarely a shining moment for me.
So, what to do? Lashing out typically results in my need to apologize. Besides... sometimes you don't know the source of your hurt/disappointment/frustration. Hitting myself for being gullible or trusting or (fill in the blank) only results in pain - mine. Never effective. One really can't hold a grudge or attempt to get even (whatever that means since you typically end up on the short end of the stick... not your intended desire) or be less than Whose you are. Perhaps it's this last point, realization that needs to govern what you do and say.?
There's an oft spoken scripture that is used - "Vengeance is mine says the Lord." (Deuteronomy 32:35, Romans 12:19) However, many of these instances are not vengeance issues. Besides, we really can't sic God. And even if we could, what about those times that we are wrong and the target is innocent? Why is retribution our first thought? Is there a different mindset, approach?
Of course. There is an old saying that there are those, for whatever reason, will always find you at fault. And there are those, whatever your words/actions, will always grant mercy. Personally, I need mercy far more often than I need 'justice'. If I need mercy then I need to extend that to those who cause me hurt/disappointment/frustration... including myself.
The greatest impediments to resolution and restoration can be the size of the hurt/disappointment/frustration. Do we allow them to grow to mountains of obstacles or see them as the momentary pebbles in our way? If the former then moving on will be extraordinarily difficult. If the latter, then we can forgive, grant mercy, and move on. This decision is ALWAYS in our control.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Monday, November 28, 2016
Home is a privilege,
was a line in an episode of one of my favorite programs. The more I thought about it, the more I realized the depth of meaning in that phrase. While home is a privilege, it is also a responsibility. It also forces you define what you believe and how you define - 'home'. Home is both the people as well as what occurs in the place called home. It's the relationships among the various members. It's the emotions that emanate. It's the responsibilities of each of the 'participants'. I could go on, but these are some of the considerations when you define your 'home'. It is a ;physical place", but so much more.
Home is rarely defined the same by all, yet everyone assumes a universality of definition. The experience of one member may be viewed/experienced differently by another member of the home. Bottom line really is that the an 'occasional' person in the mix may or may not be a member. But... if you are a member of a home then you have 'rights and responsibilities' - you are not a guest. One fact should become apparent - not everyone is a member of your home and there are some whose home is only themselves.
Regardless of the number, home can truly be a privilege - a blessing, a retreat, a sanctuary from the outside world. It is a place where you can be revived and strengthened. However, that's the positive view of home. For some it is only a place to hang their hat or is a place of unhappiness. Never assume your situation is universal, whether positive or not. So, on the continuum where are you? Is your home a privilege or a place you'd prefer to avoid.
Never lightly disregard this privilege - with it comes responsibility, that's the price to be part, to be involved in the life of the home. Responsibility confirms membership, a place to belong. And if you are the only one in the home - you still have the responsibility to make your situation as positive as possible. Which, when you think about it... is your privilege.
Home is rarely defined the same by all, yet everyone assumes a universality of definition. The experience of one member may be viewed/experienced differently by another member of the home. Bottom line really is that the an 'occasional' person in the mix may or may not be a member. But... if you are a member of a home then you have 'rights and responsibilities' - you are not a guest. One fact should become apparent - not everyone is a member of your home and there are some whose home is only themselves.
Regardless of the number, home can truly be a privilege - a blessing, a retreat, a sanctuary from the outside world. It is a place where you can be revived and strengthened. However, that's the positive view of home. For some it is only a place to hang their hat or is a place of unhappiness. Never assume your situation is universal, whether positive or not. So, on the continuum where are you? Is your home a privilege or a place you'd prefer to avoid.
Never lightly disregard this privilege - with it comes responsibility, that's the price to be part, to be involved in the life of the home. Responsibility confirms membership, a place to belong. And if you are the only one in the home - you still have the responsibility to make your situation as positive as possible. Which, when you think about it... is your privilege.
Thursday, November 24, 2016
Our PAST
Do we ever escape it? Our past sins, mistakes, etc. does God really forgive? Are they truly cast far from us? Isn't there always repercussions, punishments, and other ramifications? Will we ever be truly free? Should we be?!!! Perhaps leaving us to our own devices is the punishment - and that was not a facetious comment. If the problem/issue is based in our pride of us, then that may be an effective punishment.?
Perhaps, we need to distinguish between our past sins v. any current ones. If it is current, we have a quick remedy found in 1John 1:9. Confess and seek His forgiveness which He extends. However there is a caveat, in my world - our intentions and contrition. We need to be truly sorry and we need to purpose not to repeat. I believe it is the intention of our heart that rules because we are always susceptible to temptations or seductions.
The issue often is those past sins. We have great difficulty getting beyond them, because we have difficulty in believing they are washed away. But they are. No punishment? Ahhh, there's the rub. However, our every word and action (or non) is our responsibility and can always has repercussions. This shouldn't hamstrung us, but it is a check. I personally believe that believing we never escape our past is akin to believing that God puts sickness on us to 'teach us (fill in the blank)'. Rubbish. Why would God do this? What do you learn when you are moaning?
This entire thinking rests on Who we believe God is and what He does, and our relationship with Him. When you accepted Jesus as your Lord, you put a target on your back. From that point on the devil has tried every trick and lie ( John 10:10) that he thinks will stop you/us and our past is his arsenal. He isn't pleased with our turning to the Lord, so it stands to reason that he doesn't want you to be effective. You, your testimony is what he is trying to derail.
The question you need to ask yourself is - if God hasn't forgiven you your past, how can you possibly turn to him to seek His help in your life? Can you believe He will hear and listen with the past still there between you? But IF He is Who He says is and does what He says He does... then we have a foundation in which to put our trust and hope. Our focus needs to be now and not our past. He's dealt with it and we should too.
Perhaps, we need to distinguish between our past sins v. any current ones. If it is current, we have a quick remedy found in 1John 1:9. Confess and seek His forgiveness which He extends. However there is a caveat, in my world - our intentions and contrition. We need to be truly sorry and we need to purpose not to repeat. I believe it is the intention of our heart that rules because we are always susceptible to temptations or seductions.
The issue often is those past sins. We have great difficulty getting beyond them, because we have difficulty in believing they are washed away. But they are. No punishment? Ahhh, there's the rub. However, our every word and action (or non) is our responsibility and can always has repercussions. This shouldn't hamstrung us, but it is a check. I personally believe that believing we never escape our past is akin to believing that God puts sickness on us to 'teach us (fill in the blank)'. Rubbish. Why would God do this? What do you learn when you are moaning?
This entire thinking rests on Who we believe God is and what He does, and our relationship with Him. When you accepted Jesus as your Lord, you put a target on your back. From that point on the devil has tried every trick and lie ( John 10:10) that he thinks will stop you/us and our past is his arsenal. He isn't pleased with our turning to the Lord, so it stands to reason that he doesn't want you to be effective. You, your testimony is what he is trying to derail.
The question you need to ask yourself is - if God hasn't forgiven you your past, how can you possibly turn to him to seek His help in your life? Can you believe He will hear and listen with the past still there between you? But IF He is Who He says is and does what He says He does... then we have a foundation in which to put our trust and hope. Our focus needs to be now and not our past. He's dealt with it and we should too.
Monday, November 21, 2016
Restoration and Relationship.
For me, the words that Jesus spoke to Peter after His resurrection do resonate for me. Peter is asked the same question three times... I wondered about that until I realized that this related to the three times that Peter had denied Jesus. This was a form of restoration for Peter.
"... Jesus said to Peter, 'Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more
than these (pointing to the others who were with them)?' He said to
Him, 'Yes, Lord, You know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Feed My
lambs.' He said to him again a second time, 'Simon, son of Jonah, do
you love Me?' He said to Him, ' 'Yes, Lord, 'You know that I love You.'
He said to him 'Tend My sheep.' He said to him the third time, "Simon,
son of Jonah, do you love Me?' Peter was grieved because He said to
him the third time, 'Do you love Me?' And he said to Him, 'Lord, You
know all things. You know that I love You.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed
My sheep." (John 21:15-17)
Restoration is the method of re-establishing relationship. However, it isn't something we can accomplish... except as we publicly proclaim Jesus as our Lord. And one of the greatest benefits from our act is restoration. It can also be our (next) assignment. It was in Peter's life - feed, tend the Lord's lambs/sheep. Not only did Peter receive his assignment, he was elevated in leadership. The main point though, in my estimation, is that this provided the basis to restore the relationship.
When we are called into a relationship with the Lord... I don't believe it is to be on the whim of the moment nor superficial. He knows all in the first place so trying to be evasive is a waste of time. I also don't believe that He wants us to try and be less than we're empowered to Be. He really is attempting to help us Be all we can be as well as become and to Do all we are capable of doing. One of the first tasks in this is to know ourselves... as completely as we allow ourselves to know us.
Knowing yourself, all the positive as well as negative, arms us to combat those forces arraigned against us to cause us to give up and/or give in. How tragic when we fall for the lies or allow our strengths to become a point of pride and thus a fall. Restoration places our feet firmly on the ground in precisely the right place for us to walk in our relationship with assurance. And, to accomplish the assignment we have been given.
We all slip, fall, skin our knee, make mistakes, etc. as we walk on our path in this life. While we are walking toward perfection, we don't achieve the breadth now. This is why we need to know that restoration can occur for us. It isn't a license, nor an excuse. But when it's needed, it is inestimable in value.
"... Jesus said to Peter, 'Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more
than these (pointing to the others who were with them)?' He said to
Him, 'Yes, Lord, You know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Feed My
lambs.' He said to him again a second time, 'Simon, son of Jonah, do
you love Me?' He said to Him, ' 'Yes, Lord, 'You know that I love You.'
He said to him 'Tend My sheep.' He said to him the third time, "Simon,
son of Jonah, do you love Me?' Peter was grieved because He said to
him the third time, 'Do you love Me?' And he said to Him, 'Lord, You
know all things. You know that I love You.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed
My sheep." (John 21:15-17)
Restoration is the method of re-establishing relationship. However, it isn't something we can accomplish... except as we publicly proclaim Jesus as our Lord. And one of the greatest benefits from our act is restoration. It can also be our (next) assignment. It was in Peter's life - feed, tend the Lord's lambs/sheep. Not only did Peter receive his assignment, he was elevated in leadership. The main point though, in my estimation, is that this provided the basis to restore the relationship.
When we are called into a relationship with the Lord... I don't believe it is to be on the whim of the moment nor superficial. He knows all in the first place so trying to be evasive is a waste of time. I also don't believe that He wants us to try and be less than we're empowered to Be. He really is attempting to help us Be all we can be as well as become and to Do all we are capable of doing. One of the first tasks in this is to know ourselves... as completely as we allow ourselves to know us.
Knowing yourself, all the positive as well as negative, arms us to combat those forces arraigned against us to cause us to give up and/or give in. How tragic when we fall for the lies or allow our strengths to become a point of pride and thus a fall. Restoration places our feet firmly on the ground in precisely the right place for us to walk in our relationship with assurance. And, to accomplish the assignment we have been given.
We all slip, fall, skin our knee, make mistakes, etc. as we walk on our path in this life. While we are walking toward perfection, we don't achieve the breadth now. This is why we need to know that restoration can occur for us. It isn't a license, nor an excuse. But when it's needed, it is inestimable in value.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Where's the evidence!!!...
You say you're sorry! Where's the evidence? You say you'll never do (fill in the blank) again! Where's the evidence? You say you're a Christian! Where's the evidence? In any statement or declaration you make, is there evidence to support it? I'm really not pointing fingers because I ask myself these questions as well. Sometimes... I do have evidence that supports what I'm saying. Sadly, not always. Point being - sometimes we are too glib with our words and actions. They trip off our tongues with little effort or we find ourselves acting unthinkingly.
So what are these words then??? And if they aren't an accurate record of what we mean, what we are willing to be and do... why say them? Is it to put our best face forward? To ameliorate what we have just said or done? Do we believe, at that moment, what we are saying - or is there a still, small voice in our heads saying... "Really! Do you truly care enough to change?" Regardless, isn't it difficult for you and others to accept an apology when the behavior is continually repeated? Sorry! What, precisely, are you sorry about?!
I realize these words sound harsh. Truth sometimes is. However, if this doesn't speak to you, is not relevant then dismiss them. On the other hand, if there is a spark of truth in them, if they do apply to you on some level, then you have an opportunity to become purposed to change. It partially depends on our motivation, part on our commitment to be our best us, and part on the priority level of changing. Face it, change can be difficult - not the least because we know what those in our lives expect. Still... what, how... and when are you willing to face this issue?
I titled this - where's the evidence. This is because we are 'old enough' to understand truth. We are able to change, to grow. We can provide evidence of a changed person when we purpose to change. That's why scripture tells US to put off the old man and put on the new (Ephesians 4:22-24). It's something we choose to do, to be. The hope, joy, comfort is that we don't do this alone. We have a Lord who understands, who was tempted but didn't act on it (Hebrews 4:15) so He can and will help us to become our best us and then we can provide the evidence.
So what are these words then??? And if they aren't an accurate record of what we mean, what we are willing to be and do... why say them? Is it to put our best face forward? To ameliorate what we have just said or done? Do we believe, at that moment, what we are saying - or is there a still, small voice in our heads saying... "Really! Do you truly care enough to change?" Regardless, isn't it difficult for you and others to accept an apology when the behavior is continually repeated? Sorry! What, precisely, are you sorry about?!
I realize these words sound harsh. Truth sometimes is. However, if this doesn't speak to you, is not relevant then dismiss them. On the other hand, if there is a spark of truth in them, if they do apply to you on some level, then you have an opportunity to become purposed to change. It partially depends on our motivation, part on our commitment to be our best us, and part on the priority level of changing. Face it, change can be difficult - not the least because we know what those in our lives expect. Still... what, how... and when are you willing to face this issue?
I titled this - where's the evidence. This is because we are 'old enough' to understand truth. We are able to change, to grow. We can provide evidence of a changed person when we purpose to change. That's why scripture tells US to put off the old man and put on the new (Ephesians 4:22-24). It's something we choose to do, to be. The hope, joy, comfort is that we don't do this alone. We have a Lord who understands, who was tempted but didn't act on it (Hebrews 4:15) so He can and will help us to become our best us and then we can provide the evidence.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
There's always a...But
Personally, I'm always leery of an unsolicited 'compliment', since 9 times out of 10 'but' follows the compliment. Not sure why this is done because most people realize that a 'but' will be following and the words are nearly always a criticism or correction. Corrections are always a positive in my world because the intent is (My) improvement. However, criticism... not so much.
Are you the type that tries to 'soften the blow' of criticism by starting out with a compliment? If you do, you might want to reconsider. Everyone needs to hear 'unblemished' compliments that are true and related to something they did or said - preferably soon after the action/words because now there's a context for the compliment. People need to feel valued, that what they do and say is seen/heard and appreciated. 'Outta the blue' compliments are never trusted because they typically come with the 'but'. Just for curiosity sake, if you precede a correction or criticism with a compliment do you think the other person will accept the latter easier? Rarely. Simply remember your own reactions in these situations.
And there is enormous differences between correction and criticism. Webster, says that correction: "...a change that makes something right, true, accurate." One definition says that it is, "a bringing into conformity with a standard". The definition of criticism: "...the act of expressing disapproval and of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing; a remark or comment that expresses disapproval of..." Obviously, two different contexts and desired ends. I've never been too certain of what the goal of criticism is, then again... I rarely enjoy criticism, which often is expressed in front of others.
Correction is usually prefaced with either a question (can you explain why you said/did - fill in the blank). This way the person who is asking understands your why. These are times that I call 'object lesson' teaching opportunities. The person being corrected then can learn rather than feeling defensive. The positive end result of a more effective person and goal accomplishment can occur. When you give or receive compliments - drop the 'but', don't couple correction with an attempt to 'smooth over' your comments. There should always be a purpose to your correction and not merely 'my way or the highway'. In asking questions, you too may discover new options.
Are you the type that tries to 'soften the blow' of criticism by starting out with a compliment? If you do, you might want to reconsider. Everyone needs to hear 'unblemished' compliments that are true and related to something they did or said - preferably soon after the action/words because now there's a context for the compliment. People need to feel valued, that what they do and say is seen/heard and appreciated. 'Outta the blue' compliments are never trusted because they typically come with the 'but'. Just for curiosity sake, if you precede a correction or criticism with a compliment do you think the other person will accept the latter easier? Rarely. Simply remember your own reactions in these situations.
And there is enormous differences between correction and criticism. Webster, says that correction: "...a change that makes something right, true, accurate." One definition says that it is, "a bringing into conformity with a standard". The definition of criticism: "...the act of expressing disapproval and of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing; a remark or comment that expresses disapproval of..." Obviously, two different contexts and desired ends. I've never been too certain of what the goal of criticism is, then again... I rarely enjoy criticism, which often is expressed in front of others.
Correction is usually prefaced with either a question (can you explain why you said/did - fill in the blank). This way the person who is asking understands your why. These are times that I call 'object lesson' teaching opportunities. The person being corrected then can learn rather than feeling defensive. The positive end result of a more effective person and goal accomplishment can occur. When you give or receive compliments - drop the 'but', don't couple correction with an attempt to 'smooth over' your comments. There should always be a purpose to your correction and not merely 'my way or the highway'. In asking questions, you too may discover new options.
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