Shy?

  Would you describe yourself as shy? Is 'shy' a negative? Does this upset you? Obvious answer... it depends. Personally I've always felt that the shy (other person) is worth the effort to get to know. Perhaps it's because I tend toward the 'shy' myself. But shy can be expressed in a variety of ways. Being introverted is one way. With these types you have to be patient and take the time to get to know them ... but you have to do this on their terms. Is it worth it to you? For far too many... they don't take the time and that is their loss. Read that last line again if you are the shy type... those who don't take the time to try and know you... it is their loss. But you will need to meet them somewhere on that continuum.

  Another expression of shy is to take the 'offensive'. The person who is apparently outgoing may really not be. They may simply be defining their world and controlling who, what, and when to be involved. Those who initiate the contact, do they focus on themselves or the other person? If they are not engaged in a 'give and take' communication they may be deflecting any indication of who they are. This is especially evident when they don't really respond to what is being said but at the same time don't really share their thoughts.

  My version of 'shy' is to be intentional about all communication with the other person - encouraging and allowing them to express themselves. I believe I'm a good listener and I also believe that, for the most part, people don't feel they are heard - that's my initial response to allow them the opportunity to express their feelings and thoughts. While it may sound altruistic, my point is to allow them to, nonjudgmental, express themselves. And then to respond to what they say, typically with a question rather than to state my beliefs. And no, that is not a non-transparent response.

  Shy really can be either a proactive or nonreactive approach to other people. Personally I find people a joy and fascination so I would recommend the proactive approach. You can use 'shy' as an excuse to keep yourself from people - that accomplishes only a lonely condition. The other approach is to meet them and discover who they are... where they are. Then you have the option of how much of you that you are willing to share. Question though - what are you afraid of? If you are comfortable and confident in who you are... you should be willing to share you. Yes? And if you aren't the shy type... don't underestimate those who are.

Sorry, sorry... I was wrong.

  'Wrong' may be a bit strong, but 'not completely right' seemed to beg the statement. This refers to a stand I had previously made. A couple of years ago I had written that we, as Christians, have no option but to forgive if we want to live forgiven. That's true, my 'error' was that I went on to say that even though we had to forgive, we didn't need to forget. Wrong! I've discovered that unless we choose to forget as well, we are encumbered by a great deal of baggage.

  My reassessment came when I was talking with someone about grudges (I eventually wrote about this topic). While I maintained that I didn't believe I held grudges.... I think I did.  I'm not sure I put all the pieces together until a kind of 'of course' merged into my consciousness. My reassessment led me to the belief that grudges really are excess baggage and quite heavy. But it also says a great deal more than simply holding on to what was. It truly is a version of cutting off one's nose to spite one's face. Unless and until we do forget we are handcuffed into yesterday.

  The truly sad realization is that whoever you have held in 'bondage' is really... yourself. People grow and change - you do, so don't you think it might be possible that others do as well? Of course. And if the offending party knows you've forgiven them, then they aren't operating on a basis of then. But you are. Not forgetting is locking the situation into a time and place that no longer exists. At the same time, forgetting doesn't mean that you need to quickly trust at the level you once did. Let it grow. If the other person proves that they really aren't worth the grace you extended then you can let it go.

  Forgetting does allow for a 'letting go' and it also allows for a 'moving on'. Grudges never allow you to move on. Forgiving IS the first step but you need to take the second step and forget what happened and grant grace to the situation. Besides, as fallible creatures, our understanding of the then may not be the entire reality. The plus in this is that you may be able to redeem the relationship. If not, you still aren't carrying the baggage of not forgetting. And that... is freedom!

Locked into only one answer?

  Often this gets translated into a mindset that there's only one way of doing things, of seeing (fill in the blank) - and that rarely is the case. As a young person I discovered I could see more than one answer, more than one side in the situation. This made taking multiple choice tests extremely difficult since when you consider a question from one point of view, the answer was -a- but if you looked at the situation with a different perspective then -d- could be the answer. Really hated multiple choice tests... though for the sake of the tests I often chose the expected answer. But really... wasn't that limiting? What if....

  I also discovered that if I expected a particular result, then often the self fulfilling prophecy mindset kicked in. And yes, it is extremely difficult to not enter into a problem deciding activity without some sense of the 'potential' answer. However, if you give yourself permission to explore and consider other responses, you may find yourself both pleasantly surprised and effectively responding with a new paradigm. And many times it is the alternative solution that ends up being the back-up response.

  Perhaps it's my 'what if' thinking that leads to contemplating other responses to the question or problem. I've always felt that options planning was critical and gave me the opportunity to determine the best resolution. 'Only' is rarely accurate - and most issues allow us some time to consider other responses. And yes, it is always 'worth it'. Because it's in the other option thinking that allows us to more fully consider the ramifications/unexpected results or by-products that provide us with a better decision.

  When you lock yourself into only one 'right' answer or only one way of doing things then the opportunities to grow also diminish. If all we do is what have done in the past then how does progress occur? And if we only get the results that we always get then do we limit what is possible? Obviously my answer would be to not throw the 'typical' way of doing things but to use that as the foundation to expand into other areas. Locked implies chained and movement is severely limited in this reality.

TRUST!

  Have you truly considered the impact that word has on your relationships??? All your relationships. Your level of trust - in the other person, in yourself, in the relationship - determines what you do and say and what you don't. Granted, that's an obvious statement, but do you really consider the effect and influence and significance? Do you understand how it impacts on your relationships and also defines you? I know I've written about trust before - in general and in some of specifics and behaviors - but I'm revisiting the word and its importance again. Partially because we all interact with people daily and our level of trust in them will determine how we interact.

  You can't lightly dismiss how trust truly determines much of your behavior and words. But it's equally important to know your definition of the word and how it plays out in your behavior. How do you operationally define trust? Since trust is an action word, at least in terms of how it affects your behavior, do you see how it might impact on what you say and to whom? Do you appreciate those who have earned your trust? And... do you see their trust in you?

  Webster defines trust as: "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing; confidence". Webster goes on to say: "trust implies a feeling of security". Is that your operational definition? Trust, in my world of definitions, means that I can rely on (fill in the blank) rather than be uncertain of the other person's words or acceptance. The problem comes when trust is broken. How do we handle these situations.

 

  Obviously trust is built on something - typically your experiences. Rarely do we enter into a situation without a sense of what we know to be true, not suspect or think or heard about - know. And trust is always earned ... over time. One positive experience is not a basis to trust, an inclination - yes, but it does take time and situations that provide you with the information you need in order to trust the other, at least at some level. Without a level of trust, it's like having one foot out of the door... just in case.

"To everything there is a season...

and a time for every purpose under heaven." I've always liked that scripture from Ecclesiastes (and the song). Part of the reason I like this is the inherent promise of a better tomorrow. For every 'negative' there's a positive - and yes, each positive does speak of a negative. However, the point is the balance between the two extremes. We can expect both. Which means we can plan for both: one, to take advantage of all the positive in the positive and two, to prepare in order to 'handle' the negative during those times.

  The question may be... do you see a season in all your 'everything's'? And which (positive-negative) do you focus on? Are you always only seeing the negative that impacts on your life?  Do you have any idea how that redirects your thinking... how it skews your mindset? Or are you always only seeing the positive that impacts on your life? And while this approach is considerably improved (my bias) it still is a skewed way of looking at your life. There's a phrase that most everyone speaks and typically does not apply to one's own life - 'Moderation in all things.'

  In most of the life adventures and mindset determinations, moderation is an excellent beginning point. Webster uses the following adjectives to define and describe 'moderation': composure, restraint, calmness, within reasonable limits. Sounds good? But exactly who and what defines 'reasonable'? Is it you? Or is it imposed from 'others'? Undeniably we all seek a state of equilibrium, of balance... however, there has to be passion that compels us in many of the essential 'things'. Yes?

  Passion is not willy nilly, it has to have substance and foundation but it also has to have the ability and opportunity to present its expression (which we allow or disallow). Webster defines 'passion': fervor, zeal, ardor. To me, and my world of definitions, life without passion is bland. Passion describes those areas in my life that add spice to my living. Passion is an action word in that you can see or hear passion in the words of the speaker and you can see the concomitant behavior displayed.

  And how does this relate to 'everything having a season'? It tells us that everything has a degree of importance but it is we, the actors, that determine the importance, the relevance, the season's length and impact. We are not created to be tossed by every wind that comes by. We can be strong enough to experience the fullness that life offers... as long as we are willing to (fill in the blank).

'Possibilities'

  Did the movie, The Bucket List, inspire you to make your own list? And after you made your list... then what? Regardless of how long ago you made your list (years, or right now) and presupposing you know where you put that list... look at it again. Have you accomplished anything on your list? Are those items still relevant to you? And what's the probability you'll follow through on them? Did you make your list in the 'heat of the moment' or by thoughtful consideration?

  The concept of developing a 'bucket list', in my humble opinion, is a good one. Wherever you are on your life's journey, taking some time to develop a list of those things you'd like to experience and accomplish is a proactive one.... if you follow through. Many of us who make a list tend to file it away 'for a better time' and don't see it as affecting our day-to-day living. Why? Do you have items on your list that simply are for another time? And when will that time come? If constructing your list was only a momentary dalliance, was there any part of you that thought you could tick the entries off? And is your list in cement or does it evolve, especially as you accomplish an entry?

    I do think it's a good idea to put down every thing you'd like to do but at some point, it's important to refine your list into those things that are a 'probability'. Keep the 'pie in the sky' items but focus on the possibilities. My bias would be that you also look at the remaining items as to whether they have eternal significance for your life or whether they are simply fun things. Never throw out the fun things but look at the items that impact on your life's journey and how this helps determine who you are.

  'Possibilities' are those items that you actually will take the time to accomplish. Of interest is how many of those items are solo and how many include others. Do you need others to become involved in your list? Or is it a situation of preferring to enjoy having the opportunity to share the adventure with someone? Will you eliminate those items that are not solo? The point in this is that the possibilities are accomplish-able. The question is - do they make an eternal impact on becoming a better you? As I said earlier, don't eliminate the 'fun' but also choose to focus on the meaningful and personally significant entries. 

Just over the upcoming hill looms...

another adventure? Something new to discover? A new friend to meet? Or greet an old friend? Perhaps a new challenge... or the answer to the problem that you currently are facing? What will your eyes behold? What will you see? Are you excited? Fearful? Anticipating? What and how do you feel? Anxious? Hopeful? Actually, 'today' offers you all that... and, I suspect, more. But how you face your today depends on you and your attitude, mindset. If, when you faced yesterday, the result turned out less than positive will you let this taint your today?

  But... do we only rely on how we reacted before as our guide? Are we open to a new or different approach in order to experience a new result? Our mindset, frame of reference and experiences are concepts that I tend to talk about a great deal. But you really can't be cavalier about them. Your mindset is your frame of reference and it is always in a state of refinement, or at least my bias is that it should. Your mindset is one of the pillars in your foundation. One's mindset forms the basis on which we act, our behavior. We develop our mindset but our mindset directs us.

  My bias would be that the upcoming looming has the potential of being a grand new adventure. Minimally it will show you a new horizon. So, you're at the top of the hill... what do you see now? Are there only problems and issues? Perhaps there's an inviting vista of new opportunities. The point is that even in the negative that maybe awaiting you, can you now preplan? Maybe you can align your resources to meet the challenge? And maybe... just maybe there may be some new resources for you to explore and add to your arsenal.?

  There's a scripture that tells us that God's mercies are renewed every morning. Which tells us that we can expect and rely on Him and His abilities to be available to us ... every morning. Do we utilize this knowledge when we begin our day? And especially do we remember this promise when we look upon the upcoming hill in our today? Can we capitalize on this mindset to what may be ... just over the upcoming hill? He told us: "He would always be with us and will provide a way through situations that are beyond us. We are more than conquerors through Christ who strengthens us!" It really comes down to how we approach all the unknowns in our lives, but we really are amazingly equipped.

 

Appreciate

  Such a relatively simple word but one that is jammed packed with all sorts of interpretations and reactions. Have you considered the word? I'm totally convinced that this one aspect impacts so much of our feelings and subsequent behavior, many times without our awareness. Are you the recipient of words (and acts?) of appreciation? Do you provide words (and acts?) of appreciation to others? How is appreciation manifested in your world?

  We need to begin with a common definition. To me, appreciate implies a valuing, esteeming, an acknowledgement - BUT a known to others, not just an internal act. Webster defines appreciate as: "to be grateful or thankful for, to value or highly regard..." One of the synonyms is 'treasure'. And to treasure something/someone means a conscious valuing. Unfortunately, the problem is that it also is rarely stated. Which leads me to wonder how often I am remiss in not telling those in my world that I appreciate them simply for who they are and am blessed by their involvement in my life. Granted we often thank them when they do something for us, but how often is the appreciation expressed when there isn't an act prompting it?

  So... what about you. Do you let others know that you appreciate them? And is this said, not in a general sense, but specifically and with intentionality? I'm convinced that many times this is what underscores our attitudes and behavior. We truly aren't aware if what we do is of any importance ... to anyone. Overly dramatic? A tad, but the point is we rarely realize who we are and what we do is appreciated and that we rarely express our appreciation as well.

  Quite often I think that appreciation is one of those... 'it goes without saying...' Rubbish. It's the saying that will support what we (continue to) do. And yes, we probably shouldn't need this but most of the time we do. It really is quite irrelevant as to whether or not we should but what our awareness should spark is that we too need to provide this valuing for others. It doesn't take a lot of time and it reaps a tremendous reaction. Appreciate. A little word that means a great deal.

Search and Explore

  Do you consider yourself an explorer? One of the definitions from Webster is: "to examine or investigate". While pioneer and 'adventurer' describe the person who engages in this activity, it is 'seeker' that really indicates the mindset of an explorer.  And while exploration is typically viewed in terms of the far flung reaches of space or world... it doesn't need to be. Actually you can engaged in this activity from the comfort of your favorite chair. It's all about definitions ... so I ask the question again - do you consider yourself an explorer of/in/about (fill in the blank)?

  Do you describe yourself as a 'seeker'? And if so, what's the focus of your exploration, of your investigation? Mostly it's the focus that determines the activity necessary to engage in what you do. Because not all seeking is out in the wilds. Personally, I like to engage in this activity any time I go on a walk because there is always something new to discover or a new path to explore... when I give myself permission to do this. This mindset, giving yourself permission, underscores the reality that exploration is an activity that rarely is done 'by accident' - you have to decide to be an explorer.

  I think I've always been a seeker. Granted, the seeking hasn't always resulted in what I considered as a positive or 'great' learning, however it never has been a lack of discovery (one does find if one seeks) and the journey to understanding was never boring. I suspect it is those words: seek, discovery, journey, understanding that makes the explorer-mindset lifestyle so fascinating. But what do you think and believe? Does the exploration concept one that you enjoy? Can you venture forth without knowing what you may find? Perhaps there are 'parts' of your life that you do enjoy the search and explore mindset and others you guard so closely that they aren't available for ... a challenge?

  Being a seeker does require a sense of bravery and a level of comfort in who you are. It implies a trust that even when the discovery is less than a 'happy occurrence', you can learn from the discovery and let it refine your frame of reference. Does this describe you? And if it doesn't... will you pay the price to not apply understanding? Because once you discover, once you know and understand, you are responsible for this - you can't plead ignorance. Being a seeker is a journey that is full of challenges and you may stub your toe. But ... it is also full of excitement - and that's the spice in the journey of living.