I don't know about you but I'm a sucker for 'happily ever after' stories. They always give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Are they possible? Does happily ever after even exist? Don't you want to believe in 'happily ever after'? How do you know when happily ever after occurs? WHERE is happily ever after!!! I'm not entirely being facetious with those questions. They aren't frivolous.
I do believe that 'happily...' is a mindset first, before it can be a fact. Think for a moment about what brings you joy and happiness. Is it a person? 'thing'? condition? Then... why? Why does it bring you joy? Is it because stress is reduced? You are engaged in those activities that always brighten your outlook? What and Who is in your time of 'happily'? We all have these times and places and people - but sometimes we forget and need to remind ourselves.
Happily ever after may not be a permanent state... at least in this world. But it can be yours. It is your attitude, thus your choice. Even in the midst of 'trying times' you can approach the problems and issues with a mindset that isn't negative. 'Happily...' is not a pie in the sky or rose colored glasses, it doesn't deny reality but it is a different mindset, a glass half full, silver lining mindset. This approach provides far more opportunities for creative responses to those problems and issues.
How can you develop this kind of approach? Stop looking at problems in the same way you always look at problems (remember the quote attributed to Einstein). Focus instead on the potential positive aspects of the problems. There aren't any? I do doubt that but if you can't see any then look at the potential options to resolution. The more options you can develop then the more opportunities for looking at the situation more positively. Remember a 'cut your losses' decision is not necessarily a negative - it depends on how you look at it.
... but what do you think?
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
A simple equation
I have said in countless ways, countless times that it is what we believe, how we think, what we feel that is demonstrated in our behavior, our actions - a simple formula. So why am I beating a dead horse? Probably because I don't think you can say it enough. It is so fundamental, so critical that you need to know, deep in your spirit, this truth. When you look at your behavior, your actions it speaks volumes about what you believe, think, and feel; unfortunately while it is obvious to others it may not be to us. All are intimately interwoven. Do you see the relationship, the equation?
A simple example: you can't talk about love with anger in your heart - what you believe or think or feel will be seen and believed more than your words. The opposite of what you say you believe and think and feel is mirrored by your actions, your behavior. And what others see will always be given more credence. Children intuitively know this. Have you ever said something, somewhat unthinking, to a child and then seen their look of 'ya right'? You know, just as others do, when there is a disconnect between belief and action.
Hiding what you really believe, I think, is totally ineffective. I realize that there are countless numbers of people that would disagree with me. Perhaps a more accurate statement is a question - why would you hide what you believe? Are you protecting yourself? And to what end and at what cost? Actually, what is the easiest to change - behavior or thinking? But my point is that, minimally, you have to be honest with yourself because you fool no one.
Believe+Think+Feel = Behavior, Action. It is a simple equation to really know what is believed and not by just words. What you do always speaks volumes. Can it lie? Interesting question. My initial response is - no because it is what you do that defines for you and everyone else your beliefs and thoughts. But, perhaps you can change your behavior to disguise your true thoughts and feelings. However, I don't believe you can sustain this. And to what purpose?
... but what do you think?
A simple example: you can't talk about love with anger in your heart - what you believe or think or feel will be seen and believed more than your words. The opposite of what you say you believe and think and feel is mirrored by your actions, your behavior. And what others see will always be given more credence. Children intuitively know this. Have you ever said something, somewhat unthinking, to a child and then seen their look of 'ya right'? You know, just as others do, when there is a disconnect between belief and action.
Hiding what you really believe, I think, is totally ineffective. I realize that there are countless numbers of people that would disagree with me. Perhaps a more accurate statement is a question - why would you hide what you believe? Are you protecting yourself? And to what end and at what cost? Actually, what is the easiest to change - behavior or thinking? But my point is that, minimally, you have to be honest with yourself because you fool no one.
Believe+Think+Feel = Behavior, Action. It is a simple equation to really know what is believed and not by just words. What you do always speaks volumes. Can it lie? Interesting question. My initial response is - no because it is what you do that defines for you and everyone else your beliefs and thoughts. But, perhaps you can change your behavior to disguise your true thoughts and feelings. However, I don't believe you can sustain this. And to what purpose?
... but what do you think?
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Count your blessings...
Do you? Or do you focus on your needs, wants, situation, etc.? Do you ever count your blessings? There was a song, actually three but I'm referring to Irving Berlin's, called "Count Your Blessings" that became a huge 'hit' in 1954. It calls on us, especially in the difficult times, to remember our blessings and think on them, to count them one by one.
I realize that in the midst of the difficulties we may currently be facing that it's extremely difficult to shift our focus from our current 'what is' to a mindset of looking at the blessings we have received, 'have' being the operative word. However, it's what's been that should encourage us and rally our faith. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Isaiah 50:2 when God asked man if man thinks that God's arm is too short that He cannot save. The rhetorical question is answered with - 'No'. He always is present and able.. and does act on our behalf.
Hard and difficult times always come, it is inevitable. But how we respond to them is in our control. We may be at the mercy of something or someone else but our response is all ours. When these times come, your attitude and past behavior of reacting to difficulties immediate come into our consciousness. I am not suggesting that you deny or ignore what is happening - that's foolishness, but I do suggest that you remember that God has a plan, He's not surprise at what's happening, He will provide a way through.
The Christian version of this title is a very old hymn by Johnson Oatman and tells us: "When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done." The point is that we have truly been blessed innumerable times but we tend to forget them. However, if we 'rehearse' by remembering then we'll see the marvelous and mighty hand of the Lord. He always comes to our aid.
...but, what do you believe?
I realize that in the midst of the difficulties we may currently be facing that it's extremely difficult to shift our focus from our current 'what is' to a mindset of looking at the blessings we have received, 'have' being the operative word. However, it's what's been that should encourage us and rally our faith. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Isaiah 50:2 when God asked man if man thinks that God's arm is too short that He cannot save. The rhetorical question is answered with - 'No'. He always is present and able.. and does act on our behalf.
Hard and difficult times always come, it is inevitable. But how we respond to them is in our control. We may be at the mercy of something or someone else but our response is all ours. When these times come, your attitude and past behavior of reacting to difficulties immediate come into our consciousness. I am not suggesting that you deny or ignore what is happening - that's foolishness, but I do suggest that you remember that God has a plan, He's not surprise at what's happening, He will provide a way through.
The Christian version of this title is a very old hymn by Johnson Oatman and tells us: "When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done." The point is that we have truly been blessed innumerable times but we tend to forget them. However, if we 'rehearse' by remembering then we'll see the marvelous and mighty hand of the Lord. He always comes to our aid.
...but, what do you believe?
Monday, December 24, 2012
Surprise and Wonder
Do you realize just how delightful those two words are?! Translated into attitudes those words make life a truly marvelous adventure. And what do these words cost you? Absolutely nothing. Which only adds to their splend-ness. What does surprise and wonder 'look' like? All you need do is to look into the face of a small child at Christmas and you catch a sense of what I'm saying. However, you don't have to be a child, if you are an 'adult' you can still experience the joy of surprise and wonder. (This is another one of those attitude opportunities.)
A few years ago the pat phrase was... 'let your inner child out'. Much of the hoopla surrounding this phrase is just plain silly (in my estimation) but there's still some truth to it. One does need to approach life expectant, child like (not childish) in order for surprise and wonder to be 'seen'. It's not casting off restraint as much as it's letting creativity out. I think that what was being communicated, or at least the attempt was, to allow for another way of looking at life.
What am I meaning? I'm suggesting that we also embrace the attitudes of joy, of possibilities, a 'stop and smell the roses' mindset. Before even thinking, it can't be done or it's silly to even attempt this, listen to what this lifestyle is trying to convey. Perhaps the method can't be employed but the idea, the concept can be. More of a 'why not' approach. This is a new or different way of 'seeing' but it offers tremendous rewards.
Surprise and wonder arrive in a variety of sizes and shapes at sundry times. It comes in the ordinary and the extraordinary. But my suggestion is to intentionally look for those things and people in our lives that embody surprise, because surprise and wonder can lead you to places you never thought you'd go. And... you'll be the richer for it. When you approach others and 'events' with a measure of looking for something extraordinary, you may just find it.
...but, what do you believe?
A few years ago the pat phrase was... 'let your inner child out'. Much of the hoopla surrounding this phrase is just plain silly (in my estimation) but there's still some truth to it. One does need to approach life expectant, child like (not childish) in order for surprise and wonder to be 'seen'. It's not casting off restraint as much as it's letting creativity out. I think that what was being communicated, or at least the attempt was, to allow for another way of looking at life.
What am I meaning? I'm suggesting that we also embrace the attitudes of joy, of possibilities, a 'stop and smell the roses' mindset. Before even thinking, it can't be done or it's silly to even attempt this, listen to what this lifestyle is trying to convey. Perhaps the method can't be employed but the idea, the concept can be. More of a 'why not' approach. This is a new or different way of 'seeing' but it offers tremendous rewards.
Surprise and wonder arrive in a variety of sizes and shapes at sundry times. It comes in the ordinary and the extraordinary. But my suggestion is to intentionally look for those things and people in our lives that embody surprise, because surprise and wonder can lead you to places you never thought you'd go. And... you'll be the richer for it. When you approach others and 'events' with a measure of looking for something extraordinary, you may just find it.
...but, what do you believe?
Friday, December 21, 2012
Submission
Talk about misconception!!! This is probably the most misunderstood word and concept in the history of mankind - including (especially?) the Christian world. Everyone uses it but no one seems to either have a correct definition or application of the word. So often it is simply used to control but that has no bearing whatsoever on what the word means. Therefore let's look first for a definition, one of Webster's definition: "the act of submitting to the power of another". Free choice? Control to continue or change in the hand of the 'submitted'? Is 'power' the operative condition?
It's interesting to look at the root word, submit, to discover that it's defined as: " to give in to the authority, power or desires of another. to allow oneself to be subjected...." Give in, allow oneself seems to indicate that the person submitting has the initial authority/power to act. However, the one word that often is associated with submission is not included - subjected. Subjected and submission are NOT the same though they often have been related and submission is used to subjugate.
One very clear point about submission is that the individual chooses. It is a state no one can force upon another... at least not the spirit of a person. So how do we apply this? It seems that this is a 'joint' agreement, never forced. Scripture talks about mutual submitting (Ephesians 5:21) and nowhere that I've read do we lord it over the other person. (Even though there has been a total misunderstanding of what Paul was teaching.) Actually quite the opposite. Jesus talks about being a servant to others (Matthew 23:11-12) and then demonstrates it (John 13:3-5).
Granted this is a difficult concept to understand, the point is that we have the choice about who and what we submit to. (I'm obviously eliminating those situations, such as during war, when the choice is determined by the strongest.) The person submitting needs to be very certain concerning what they are doing. And the person in the 'dominant' position needs to appreciate that submission is mutual.
...but, what do you believe?
It's interesting to look at the root word, submit, to discover that it's defined as: " to give in to the authority, power or desires of another. to allow oneself to be subjected...." Give in, allow oneself seems to indicate that the person submitting has the initial authority/power to act. However, the one word that often is associated with submission is not included - subjected. Subjected and submission are NOT the same though they often have been related and submission is used to subjugate.
One very clear point about submission is that the individual chooses. It is a state no one can force upon another... at least not the spirit of a person. So how do we apply this? It seems that this is a 'joint' agreement, never forced. Scripture talks about mutual submitting (Ephesians 5:21) and nowhere that I've read do we lord it over the other person. (Even though there has been a total misunderstanding of what Paul was teaching.) Actually quite the opposite. Jesus talks about being a servant to others (Matthew 23:11-12) and then demonstrates it (John 13:3-5).
Granted this is a difficult concept to understand, the point is that we have the choice about who and what we submit to. (I'm obviously eliminating those situations, such as during war, when the choice is determined by the strongest.) The person submitting needs to be very certain concerning what they are doing. And the person in the 'dominant' position needs to appreciate that submission is mutual.
...but, what do you believe?
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Voice
Do you feel you have one? Are your thoughts and ideas, your beliefs and 'philosophy' heard? Perhaps a definition of what I mean by 'having a voice' would help: a voice is the ability to express your thoughts, ideas, beliefs and know that they have been heard. In my world of definitions, 'voice' has both components of expression and being heard. Two questions: 1- Is this true for you? Is there at least one other person that gives value (not necessarily agreement) to what you say? and 2- Are you conscious of what it is that you are saying? Are you saying what you want to say?
Perhaps 'hear' is the most important part of voice. We may have the ability, the freedom to speak our thoughts but the critical consideration is that these thoughts are actually heard. I find that if I am having to find a variety of ways to express the same thought that I need to look at my 'how' and with what words I use to communicate. Sometimes the hearing isn't the issue, it's the clarity of message. The issue is really whether or not we believe our message is important - that it has a voice. But in order for this to occur we have to be equally concerned with whether it is actually heard.
Other times there seems to be so much 'noise' that communication is garbled. Noise can be more than actual volume, it can be definitions, word usage, semantics. Noise is more deadly than we can realize especially if we feel we have communicate clearly and the other seems to 'understand'. So our issue at this point is to determine if what we said is what is heard. How? Ask questions or seek the other's opinion - their response will give you the necessary information as to whether or not it was heard.
Voice and being heard really are intimately tied together. Having a voice becomes less important if what you say isn't heard completely. The message should be the focus. You need to determine if what you want to say needs to be heard and then decide what is the most effective method to 'get the message out'. Never place voice and heard ahead of message.
... but what do you think?
Perhaps 'hear' is the most important part of voice. We may have the ability, the freedom to speak our thoughts but the critical consideration is that these thoughts are actually heard. I find that if I am having to find a variety of ways to express the same thought that I need to look at my 'how' and with what words I use to communicate. Sometimes the hearing isn't the issue, it's the clarity of message. The issue is really whether or not we believe our message is important - that it has a voice. But in order for this to occur we have to be equally concerned with whether it is actually heard.
Other times there seems to be so much 'noise' that communication is garbled. Noise can be more than actual volume, it can be definitions, word usage, semantics. Noise is more deadly than we can realize especially if we feel we have communicate clearly and the other seems to 'understand'. So our issue at this point is to determine if what we said is what is heard. How? Ask questions or seek the other's opinion - their response will give you the necessary information as to whether or not it was heard.
Voice and being heard really are intimately tied together. Having a voice becomes less important if what you say isn't heard completely. The message should be the focus. You need to determine if what you want to say needs to be heard and then decide what is the most effective method to 'get the message out'. Never place voice and heard ahead of message.
... but what do you think?
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Offend...
I would suggest that the Church world would consider themselves as inoffensive, acceptable to the world. That we try to be tolerant of all and inclusive of all. The church has/does bend over backwards ... to what end? I was musing about how Paul would react to who/what the church is today. I suspect he would be terribly disappointed. Though this may sound harsh, I think the church has moved into the lukewarm status that's mentioned in Revelations. And that is scary.
Other 'religions' have absolutely no qualms about being your face, about unequivocally stating what they believe. I wonder how we have gotten so hesitant and apologetic about what our standards are? Often we indicate our standards but somewhat embarrassed and we are quick to add that it is your option to accept or not. We stood by when they took prayer out of the schools. We stood by when they attempted to eliminate 'in God we trust' from the Pledge of Allegiance and from the currency. We, the church, have stood by on so many issues - why!?
Why have we bought into the mindset that Christianity HAS to be accepting of those who hate what we stand for and who we stand for? Yet we, with open arms, so often disregard our own standards and beliefs in the name of tolerance. Politically correct? Was Jesus politically correct? or the disciples and followers? I suspect that had they succumbed to being politically correct, Christianity would have died an agonizing death centuries ago.
It's difficult to share a powerless idea and impossible to attract new believers. And, in fact, Christianity is anything but powerless. But do you believe this? Do you act as a redeemed, child of God? How do you share your transformation from unrighteous to ambassador? Do you believe that Jesus is the Savior and there is none like Him? After listening to you would you become a Christian? It is the only answer and if you don't believe this, if you think this is only one of a variety of paths then why join your group? What does it offer that the others don't? Christianity offers everything and you, when you accepted Jesus as Lord, became a spokesperson. Are you? Or are you afraid you'd offend?
... but, what do you believe?
Other 'religions' have absolutely no qualms about being your face, about unequivocally stating what they believe. I wonder how we have gotten so hesitant and apologetic about what our standards are? Often we indicate our standards but somewhat embarrassed and we are quick to add that it is your option to accept or not. We stood by when they took prayer out of the schools. We stood by when they attempted to eliminate 'in God we trust' from the Pledge of Allegiance and from the currency. We, the church, have stood by on so many issues - why!?
Why have we bought into the mindset that Christianity HAS to be accepting of those who hate what we stand for and who we stand for? Yet we, with open arms, so often disregard our own standards and beliefs in the name of tolerance. Politically correct? Was Jesus politically correct? or the disciples and followers? I suspect that had they succumbed to being politically correct, Christianity would have died an agonizing death centuries ago.
It's difficult to share a powerless idea and impossible to attract new believers. And, in fact, Christianity is anything but powerless. But do you believe this? Do you act as a redeemed, child of God? How do you share your transformation from unrighteous to ambassador? Do you believe that Jesus is the Savior and there is none like Him? After listening to you would you become a Christian? It is the only answer and if you don't believe this, if you think this is only one of a variety of paths then why join your group? What does it offer that the others don't? Christianity offers everything and you, when you accepted Jesus as Lord, became a spokesperson. Are you? Or are you afraid you'd offend?
... but, what do you believe?
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
What's it all about???
Do you ever find yourself asking this question? Perhaps frustrated. Perhaps confused. But definitely needing an answer. And not just any old answer or someone else's answer - your answer! Of course you've been in this quandary... probably multiple times. But the real question is - did you find your answer? Or at least enough of an answer to continue until you once again came face-to-face with this question. Then what? What happened to the answer? Do you feel that there is something 'missing' in your life?
It probably could be argued that how you behave during these times really defines your character. If nothing else, it does define what you do when you are in a direction-less state. What you fall back on during these times does speak volumes about who you are. So what do you rely on? What do you do when there doesn't seem to be anything you can do?
Everyone develops their own coping mechanisms to extricate themselves from these situations but the effectiveness is the question. Does it extricate you permanently? For long periods? Quick return? Can the mechanism be applied in all cases? No one wants a quick out and then return to the same state. I suspect we all seek some peace from the issue that's plaguing us. Our basic problem is to not compromise in order to escape to even a momentary peace.
One danger we all seem to face is to rush to judgment - make a decision, any decision whether or not it seems to be your answer. But let me propose a series of simple steps as an alternative. First: stop, do nothing and calm down. When you don't have an answer to what's it's all about, don't simply land on the first thing that strikes you. Two: pray. Ask the answer-giver for direction. God's right there, let him help. Three: analyze what it is that you want it to be about - your answer. Four: look at where you are and where you want to be and see if you can discern a path. Five: stop again, see if your path is the best way to resolving your question. Six: once, on the way, reassess as you go along because new information can change your path, your answer.
What's it's all about... it's about You. And about who you are and what you do. If you are confused or frustrated then something's happened to alter your situation. You need your questions to arrive at your answers.
...but, what do you believe?
It probably could be argued that how you behave during these times really defines your character. If nothing else, it does define what you do when you are in a direction-less state. What you fall back on during these times does speak volumes about who you are. So what do you rely on? What do you do when there doesn't seem to be anything you can do?
Everyone develops their own coping mechanisms to extricate themselves from these situations but the effectiveness is the question. Does it extricate you permanently? For long periods? Quick return? Can the mechanism be applied in all cases? No one wants a quick out and then return to the same state. I suspect we all seek some peace from the issue that's plaguing us. Our basic problem is to not compromise in order to escape to even a momentary peace.
One danger we all seem to face is to rush to judgment - make a decision, any decision whether or not it seems to be your answer. But let me propose a series of simple steps as an alternative. First: stop, do nothing and calm down. When you don't have an answer to what's it's all about, don't simply land on the first thing that strikes you. Two: pray. Ask the answer-giver for direction. God's right there, let him help. Three: analyze what it is that you want it to be about - your answer. Four: look at where you are and where you want to be and see if you can discern a path. Five: stop again, see if your path is the best way to resolving your question. Six: once, on the way, reassess as you go along because new information can change your path, your answer.
What's it's all about... it's about You. And about who you are and what you do. If you are confused or frustrated then something's happened to alter your situation. You need your questions to arrive at your answers.
...but, what do you believe?
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Facts... or Faith
These two words are not necessarily incompatible but we can use wanting 'facts' as an excuse. I believe we have a choice to live by facts or to live by faith. And yes, that is a somewhat simplistic view... or is it? Do you live only according to the 'facts' or do you live according to faith - is there a middle ground? The last point is the one that most of us would like to accept but in certain areas, you can't.
So when we 'live' by facts what does this say? We're logical? We're rational? Not necessarily. Supposedly living by facts presupposes an acceptance of the source of the facts. So the logical, rational question would be - what or who is your source? This is a 'rubber meets the road' question. Do you even consider your source? Just how reliable has this source been for you in the past. Before I pound this into the ground, I suspect you see the point I'm making.
Living by faith? How? Why? Same questions? Perhaps an interesting consideration is that faith requires something from you. You have to have faith, and typically in something or someone outside of yourself or 'control'. Facts, on the other hand, are just that. You can reject them but it doesn't take from their being fact. Faith requires much more from you - an intellectual and emotional agreement... a belief.
I read somewhere (?) that a prisoner in a concentration camp carved the following: "I believe in the sun, even though it doesn't shine. I believe in love, even when it isn't shown. I believe in God, even when He doesn't speak." What a marvelous mindset, especially considering where the person was. A slightly different way of phrasing the same thought is found in 2 Corinthians 4:28: "We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will only last a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever." Both quotes are testimonies to faith.
...but what do you believe?
So when we 'live' by facts what does this say? We're logical? We're rational? Not necessarily. Supposedly living by facts presupposes an acceptance of the source of the facts. So the logical, rational question would be - what or who is your source? This is a 'rubber meets the road' question. Do you even consider your source? Just how reliable has this source been for you in the past. Before I pound this into the ground, I suspect you see the point I'm making.
Living by faith? How? Why? Same questions? Perhaps an interesting consideration is that faith requires something from you. You have to have faith, and typically in something or someone outside of yourself or 'control'. Facts, on the other hand, are just that. You can reject them but it doesn't take from their being fact. Faith requires much more from you - an intellectual and emotional agreement... a belief.
I read somewhere (?) that a prisoner in a concentration camp carved the following: "I believe in the sun, even though it doesn't shine. I believe in love, even when it isn't shown. I believe in God, even when He doesn't speak." What a marvelous mindset, especially considering where the person was. A slightly different way of phrasing the same thought is found in 2 Corinthians 4:28: "We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will only last a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever." Both quotes are testimonies to faith.
...but what do you believe?
Friday, December 7, 2012
Application
I think that my biggest criticism of most of 'education' is that it seems to have no relevance to most people's lives. Or rather that the application to one's life is not taught. My contention would be that though there is 'education for education sake' there is also a huge need for putting what is learned to use. And I'm not talking about 'technical school' training, though they do know how to put what they do to practical use. But isn't it possible to put the learning in other areas to practical use too?
To be totally honest, I have the same criticism of most sermons. I remember that when I was a child I made up a game for myself which was to find at least one comment the minister made in his sermon that I could actually use in my life. It was always a challenge to find something because simply because you have a title as preacher or teacher doesn't necessarily translate into preaching or teaching. Not everyone has the ability to make what they say as a point to discover what you believe and how you 'put it into practice'.
I find it 'interesting' that the two most important influences on our lives, the two that should help us develop our personal standards have little to no relationship to the 'how' we live our lives. And I'm not suggesting that they dictate how we react and interrelate, but they really do little to focus us on developing these standards. I would never suggest that they tell us what to do, who we are but I would suggest that they take a bit more time in helping people apply what they learn.
What we need to do is to develop critical thinking that has as its end - how we apply what we have just learned. Education's maxim has always been: tell them (the students) what you are going to tell them, then tell them, and finally to summarize what you just said. This is a good tool but it is missing the critical component - asking them how, what they just learned, is relevant to who they are and what they do. What 'lessons' they learned.
...but what do you think?
To be totally honest, I have the same criticism of most sermons. I remember that when I was a child I made up a game for myself which was to find at least one comment the minister made in his sermon that I could actually use in my life. It was always a challenge to find something because simply because you have a title as preacher or teacher doesn't necessarily translate into preaching or teaching. Not everyone has the ability to make what they say as a point to discover what you believe and how you 'put it into practice'.
I find it 'interesting' that the two most important influences on our lives, the two that should help us develop our personal standards have little to no relationship to the 'how' we live our lives. And I'm not suggesting that they dictate how we react and interrelate, but they really do little to focus us on developing these standards. I would never suggest that they tell us what to do, who we are but I would suggest that they take a bit more time in helping people apply what they learn.
What we need to do is to develop critical thinking that has as its end - how we apply what we have just learned. Education's maxim has always been: tell them (the students) what you are going to tell them, then tell them, and finally to summarize what you just said. This is a good tool but it is missing the critical component - asking them how, what they just learned, is relevant to who they are and what they do. What 'lessons' they learned.
...but what do you think?
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Sacrifice
What images flash in your mind when you see or hear that word? Is it a personal reaction? Does it cause fear to rise? Perhaps it evokes a memory? Maybe it makes you think of a time when you chose not to accept your opportunity to sacrifice? Or maybe it reminds you of a time you did sacrifice... But what do you believe, how do you define 'sacrifice'?
According to Webster, sacrifice can be either a noun or a verb. If, when it's a verb, it's an action word... something you do. However, I really don't like any of the definitions. The reason is that it really is a negative, something you have to do, something required. It always means loss, but not necessarily a loss chosen by you. Who would want to do that?!! Or to accept that 'fate'? For the most part, there's little to commend 'sacrifice'.
Therefore, I would like to propose a different definition, a different way of looking at sacrifice. In my world, sacrifice would mean a proactive choosing. Besides, in the final analysis it does depend on our attitude toward the word and the consequences and/or opportunities that are presented. What if you have no choice? I realize that sacrifice may not be a choice but your attitude regarding it is.
These kinds of situations, regardless of choice, are difficult to understand or accept but our choice of reacting is ours. We need to feel some form of control is ours, even if it's only how we react. Being a silver-lining, glass half full type does make this easier but only slightly. It's difficult to do what eagles do when storms approach... they fly into them head on. Then again, this propels them up and over the storm. Perhaps we can do the same.
...but, what do you think?
According to Webster, sacrifice can be either a noun or a verb. If, when it's a verb, it's an action word... something you do. However, I really don't like any of the definitions. The reason is that it really is a negative, something you have to do, something required. It always means loss, but not necessarily a loss chosen by you. Who would want to do that?!! Or to accept that 'fate'? For the most part, there's little to commend 'sacrifice'.
Therefore, I would like to propose a different definition, a different way of looking at sacrifice. In my world, sacrifice would mean a proactive choosing. Besides, in the final analysis it does depend on our attitude toward the word and the consequences and/or opportunities that are presented. What if you have no choice? I realize that sacrifice may not be a choice but your attitude regarding it is.
These kinds of situations, regardless of choice, are difficult to understand or accept but our choice of reacting is ours. We need to feel some form of control is ours, even if it's only how we react. Being a silver-lining, glass half full type does make this easier but only slightly. It's difficult to do what eagles do when storms approach... they fly into them head on. Then again, this propels them up and over the storm. Perhaps we can do the same.
...but, what do you think?
Sunday, December 2, 2012
'Much'
So exactly what is 'much'? It really has no definition and yet multiple ones. Much is more than more... but that really doesn't help us because that would mean we would need to quantify 'more' somehow. And that's part of the problem - there really is no standard for either word. And why am I whinging on about much? Because of the scripture that says: To whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48). Personally I'm a much given person, but what is much required?
To attempt to answer that, the first point is that this should not inspire fear. Scripture (1Timothy 1:7) states that we have not been given a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. If you are feeling fearful then maybe the problem is that you are looking to 'do' much from your own strength. That never works. It really isn't about you. And that isn't what the scripture says. Waiting until your 'much' instructions are written in the sky doesn't accomplish anything either. What's at your hand to do?
One of the problems that the church world faces is that we all tend to find scriptures and/or promises that we like and then repeat them to the point that they often seem to take on a life apart from what is said. The first thing we need to do is to read scripture in light of the verses before and after what we are quoting. What was happening when Jesus made that comment in Luke? He was teaching. He was helping his disciples to understand what this life was and what their responsibilities were. And this particular verse is at the end of the teaching on the faithful and evil servant.
Once you begin to remember other scriptures that will strengthen you for your 'much' then suddenly you don't need to feel that you aren't 'ready' to do... much. And when you see your 'much' as an extension of who you are and not necessarily a limelight event, then you can go forward confidently. 'Much' is not a one time flash-in-the-pan event but is based on your willingness and availability to be and to do... much.
...but, what do you think?
To attempt to answer that, the first point is that this should not inspire fear. Scripture (1Timothy 1:7) states that we have not been given a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. If you are feeling fearful then maybe the problem is that you are looking to 'do' much from your own strength. That never works. It really isn't about you. And that isn't what the scripture says. Waiting until your 'much' instructions are written in the sky doesn't accomplish anything either. What's at your hand to do?
One of the problems that the church world faces is that we all tend to find scriptures and/or promises that we like and then repeat them to the point that they often seem to take on a life apart from what is said. The first thing we need to do is to read scripture in light of the verses before and after what we are quoting. What was happening when Jesus made that comment in Luke? He was teaching. He was helping his disciples to understand what this life was and what their responsibilities were. And this particular verse is at the end of the teaching on the faithful and evil servant.
Once you begin to remember other scriptures that will strengthen you for your 'much' then suddenly you don't need to feel that you aren't 'ready' to do... much. And when you see your 'much' as an extension of who you are and not necessarily a limelight event, then you can go forward confidently. 'Much' is not a one time flash-in-the-pan event but is based on your willingness and availability to be and to do... much.
...but, what do you think?
Friday, November 30, 2012
Sympathy
On the whole... I'm not in favor of sympathy. I realize that people are trying to be kind but typically the expression is done in such an uncomfortable or off handed way. Rarely is there any true expression - typically it is the banal, trite statements. One does doubt the sincerity if you are on the receiving end and one really doesn't know how to best extend sympathy if you are on the giving end.
So if you are on the receiving end, what are you seeking if it's 'sympathy' you want? Understanding? Appreciation? Empathy? And that's at the heart of the problem - what it is that we really are wanting? Too often, we don't even identify our own need. If the situation is painful then the only thing you really are wanting is to get through it and have some alone time (though not too much of the latter). Plus - receiving it only adds to the pain of the moment.
If you are on the giving end you really want to express sympathy and you don't want your own feelings to get in the way. Terrible dilemma. Perhaps it is me but... do you know of any effective way to offer sympathy? Obviously putting the emphasis on the other person and what they may be experiencing rather than your own sense of discomfort is the basis. I sometimes think that in our expressions we are attempting to remember our own similar situation and respond accordingly.
I realize and understand the purpose of sympathy. And if I'm sounding harsh or insensitive it's because too few can express it effectively. I remember that when my mother died that I was angry and my Dad was numb. Which are typical responses. As long as we sympathy-givers don't try and 'fix' the anger or numbness but instead acknowledge it - then the sympathy is real and accepted. And once we work through our feelings as receivers, then we can appreciate what others have said or done.
...but, what do you think?
So if you are on the receiving end, what are you seeking if it's 'sympathy' you want? Understanding? Appreciation? Empathy? And that's at the heart of the problem - what it is that we really are wanting? Too often, we don't even identify our own need. If the situation is painful then the only thing you really are wanting is to get through it and have some alone time (though not too much of the latter). Plus - receiving it only adds to the pain of the moment.
If you are on the giving end you really want to express sympathy and you don't want your own feelings to get in the way. Terrible dilemma. Perhaps it is me but... do you know of any effective way to offer sympathy? Obviously putting the emphasis on the other person and what they may be experiencing rather than your own sense of discomfort is the basis. I sometimes think that in our expressions we are attempting to remember our own similar situation and respond accordingly.
I realize and understand the purpose of sympathy. And if I'm sounding harsh or insensitive it's because too few can express it effectively. I remember that when my mother died that I was angry and my Dad was numb. Which are typical responses. As long as we sympathy-givers don't try and 'fix' the anger or numbness but instead acknowledge it - then the sympathy is real and accepted. And once we work through our feelings as receivers, then we can appreciate what others have said or done.
...but, what do you think?
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Timing
They say that timing is everything... and I tend to agree. Unfortunately, in the critical, philosophical issues of life I tend to have absolutely terrible timing. It's not that I am late - I am never late (one of the hallmarks from my father). However, I do tend to be early. I seem to get ahead of God's plan which can lead to less than positive results. And... being early is just as bad as being late!
Part of my problem, in my estimation, is that I am so eager to be of use I get excited and preempt the action. Adding to this is my tendency to hear only the first part of the sentence before I go off riding into places angels wouldn't even go. I don't always remember that sometimes God is giving us information to be used later rather than acting on now. Not me. I'm off and doing... No, God is not surprised and He keeps giving me opportunities to be still and learn. And I really am considerably better.
Is there such a thing as The perfect time? I don't know, but I doubt it. I do believe that there are better times than others and, uncontradictory, there are times you have to act regardless of the timing. The point is - why are you acting NOW? Have you taken the time to look at the conditions and the potential ramifications of acting now rather than waiting? Have you determined the best way you can act, if it is to be now? Point is... have you taken the time to assess (and this does not have to take hours, it can take moments)?
What becomes the motivator? Your desire to do something or to do what you should be doing? If effectiveness is your goal or if the best possible result is your goal then you'll take the time to see if this is the time. It may be, it may be later. Stop a moment and remember a time when the 'stars were aligned' and everything came together... such a spectacular feeling. That is always worth waiting for.
...but, what do you believe?
Part of my problem, in my estimation, is that I am so eager to be of use I get excited and preempt the action. Adding to this is my tendency to hear only the first part of the sentence before I go off riding into places angels wouldn't even go. I don't always remember that sometimes God is giving us information to be used later rather than acting on now. Not me. I'm off and doing... No, God is not surprised and He keeps giving me opportunities to be still and learn. And I really am considerably better.
Is there such a thing as The perfect time? I don't know, but I doubt it. I do believe that there are better times than others and, uncontradictory, there are times you have to act regardless of the timing. The point is - why are you acting NOW? Have you taken the time to look at the conditions and the potential ramifications of acting now rather than waiting? Have you determined the best way you can act, if it is to be now? Point is... have you taken the time to assess (and this does not have to take hours, it can take moments)?
What becomes the motivator? Your desire to do something or to do what you should be doing? If effectiveness is your goal or if the best possible result is your goal then you'll take the time to see if this is the time. It may be, it may be later. Stop a moment and remember a time when the 'stars were aligned' and everything came together... such a spectacular feeling. That is always worth waiting for.
...but, what do you believe?
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Looking in the rear view mirror...
is that how you are living your life? Looking in the rear view mirror ... for threats or enemies? for past successes? Obviously, the problem in looking in the rear view mirror is that you aren't aware of what's in your line of vision. How can you see the obstacle in front of you? or the beautiful view? or the curve coming up? or the person coming toward you? or...
A quick glance backward is inevitable - we all do it. But continuing to look in that direction rarely is conducive to engaging what's in front of you. But why is it that we look back? What do we hope to find? Perhaps we're hoping we actually didn't do or say what we know we did? Trying to savor a success? Attempting to get clues in order to handle the challenges we face? All the above. It isn't unusual to relive yesterday - the problem is living then ... today.
History is suppose to provide us understanding of what happened - then. And it is true that until we learn the lessons of yesterday we are doomed to repeat them. Looking back, remembering's purpose is to aid us in understanding but it is not where we are to take up residence. Besides, the 'ingredients' from yesterday have changed and you really recreate all the components precisely. Why you would want to still remains the puzzlement.
Nostalgia really is all that it's cracked up to be and the funny stories from yesterday are still amusing. Remember them fondly. If the memories are 'hard' then use the experience(s) to develop new ways of coping and/or overcoming similar situations. But staying in that momentary time warp won't allow you to savor what's happening in your now... even if your now is hard.
...but what do you think?
A quick glance backward is inevitable - we all do it. But continuing to look in that direction rarely is conducive to engaging what's in front of you. But why is it that we look back? What do we hope to find? Perhaps we're hoping we actually didn't do or say what we know we did? Trying to savor a success? Attempting to get clues in order to handle the challenges we face? All the above. It isn't unusual to relive yesterday - the problem is living then ... today.
History is suppose to provide us understanding of what happened - then. And it is true that until we learn the lessons of yesterday we are doomed to repeat them. Looking back, remembering's purpose is to aid us in understanding but it is not where we are to take up residence. Besides, the 'ingredients' from yesterday have changed and you really recreate all the components precisely. Why you would want to still remains the puzzlement.
Nostalgia really is all that it's cracked up to be and the funny stories from yesterday are still amusing. Remember them fondly. If the memories are 'hard' then use the experience(s) to develop new ways of coping and/or overcoming similar situations. But staying in that momentary time warp won't allow you to savor what's happening in your now... even if your now is hard.
...but what do you think?
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thanksgiving
What visions does this word conjure up in your mind when you hear it? Do you think of family and friends gathered for a feast of turkey and dressing, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and all the other accoutrements? Perhaps you
remember your grade school history lessons of pilgrims and Indians sitting down to a peaceable feast? But let's face it - the first thing we think about is food... and probably football!
If you live in a small town there is probably an ecumenical service on Wednesday night in which all the churches participate. Most of the time the service is rotated yearly so that each church has the opportunity to host the service. Also, most of the time there is a choir composed of people from each of the churches who have been practicing together for weeks. This coming together provides people the opportunity to give thanks as a group.
Traditionally, Thanksgiving heralds the start of the 'holiday season'. But now that Christmas shopping starts before Halloween, where does this leave Thanksgiving? Just like we lose the reason for the Christmas season I believe we lose the purpose of Thanksgiving. As great as the food is and the joy of family celebrating together, Thanksgiving is a time to stop, consider, and give thanks. We should stop and remember and rejoice in the blessings we have received this past year.
We need to remember our forefathers who came to this land so that they could be free and safe. These men and women gave up all their comforts to venture toward a land they'd never seen and conditions they did not know. And once they were here one of their first acts was to stop and give thanks and celebrated with the people already here. We should remember this. And we should also give thanks to those men and women who are, today, standing as a line of defense protecting our freedoms.
Thanksgiving is important and being thankful is critical.
If you live in a small town there is probably an ecumenical service on Wednesday night in which all the churches participate. Most of the time the service is rotated yearly so that each church has the opportunity to host the service. Also, most of the time there is a choir composed of people from each of the churches who have been practicing together for weeks. This coming together provides people the opportunity to give thanks as a group.
Traditionally, Thanksgiving heralds the start of the 'holiday season'. But now that Christmas shopping starts before Halloween, where does this leave Thanksgiving? Just like we lose the reason for the Christmas season I believe we lose the purpose of Thanksgiving. As great as the food is and the joy of family celebrating together, Thanksgiving is a time to stop, consider, and give thanks. We should stop and remember and rejoice in the blessings we have received this past year.
We need to remember our forefathers who came to this land so that they could be free and safe. These men and women gave up all their comforts to venture toward a land they'd never seen and conditions they did not know. And once they were here one of their first acts was to stop and give thanks and celebrated with the people already here. We should remember this. And we should also give thanks to those men and women who are, today, standing as a line of defense protecting our freedoms.
Thanksgiving is important and being thankful is critical.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Empty chair...
Are you facing an empty chair during holiday times? For many it may not be the first holiday but it still feels as if it is. Regardless... are you flooded with memories that make you smile, or ones that make you sad? The more recent the empty chair the more difficult it can be and when it's the first holiday that you are facing the loss, it's all the more difficult. So how do you handle an empty chair?
I know that people tell you, as politely as they can, to 'get over it and move on'. I'm sure that they are saying this with some level of compassion but it typically only hurts rather than helps. Unless they have experienced a loss they really can't completely appreciate what you feel. And when the memories are positive, are 'joyful' then moving on is even more difficult. But don't let these feelings control you - I know, easier said than done.
This is especially true when some of the activities were shared ones, you can't help but miss the one who was by your side. If, however, you can stop long enough to consider what that person would think of how you are handling the loss, you might react with a different motivation. Example: my mother was a terrific decorator and would always involved us in the festivity. It was always a time of laughter. She would be totally disappointed in me if I didn't carry on the tradition and also the laughter. My approach doesn't diminish the loss but it does skew the feelings.
Each one of us has to face our own empty chairs and 'move on' as best we can. For me, a positive way to face it is remembering. Counter intuitive? No. Actually meeting it face on. To no longer be involved in the (fill in the blank) would deny the joy of the memory. Embracing it carries with it a kind of healing that is far more pervasive and affirming.
...but what do you think?
I know that people tell you, as politely as they can, to 'get over it and move on'. I'm sure that they are saying this with some level of compassion but it typically only hurts rather than helps. Unless they have experienced a loss they really can't completely appreciate what you feel. And when the memories are positive, are 'joyful' then moving on is even more difficult. But don't let these feelings control you - I know, easier said than done.
This is especially true when some of the activities were shared ones, you can't help but miss the one who was by your side. If, however, you can stop long enough to consider what that person would think of how you are handling the loss, you might react with a different motivation. Example: my mother was a terrific decorator and would always involved us in the festivity. It was always a time of laughter. She would be totally disappointed in me if I didn't carry on the tradition and also the laughter. My approach doesn't diminish the loss but it does skew the feelings.
Each one of us has to face our own empty chairs and 'move on' as best we can. For me, a positive way to face it is remembering. Counter intuitive? No. Actually meeting it face on. To no longer be involved in the (fill in the blank) would deny the joy of the memory. Embracing it carries with it a kind of healing that is far more pervasive and affirming.
...but what do you think?
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Locating God
Do you know where He is? Or, in the words of our 21st century society... is He on your speed dial? He isn't hiding, you know. No that wasn't being either facetious or disrespectful. It is a legitimate question - where is God in your life? He can be as close as your breath. Or He can be at arms length, too often taken out only when we need Him to get us out of (whatever it is we need to be extricated from)... He's right there but He desires a relationship not just a nodding acknowledgement.
Since it's impossible to misplace God (He isn't lost), it must be a case of not developing a personal relationship with Him.? Therefore, when was the last time you had a conversation with Him and what was happening in your life? When you last were with Him were you praying? or studying? or simply enjoying being together? Did you need Him to do something for you? Or were you wanting to do something for Him?
If you think you have lost Him, what kinds of activities did you typically do together? What kind of relationship do you have? I realize He is God and deserving of all praise, worship, adoration but He is also father who wants to have a vital involvement in our lives. God doesn't want to control us but He does have guidelines and rules that He expects us to obey. Is that the basis of your problem? What's your problem with obedience? Is that why you think you have lost Him? He's still there, He's just waiting for you.
It really isn't difficult locating God but it does require our reaching out to Him. He took the first step by redeeming us out of the death and sin that controlled and dictated who we were. But it requires us to take the next step and accept His gift. He has this incredible celebration planned for you when you do. No, He won't remove all your problems but He did promise to always be with you and to provide you a way out of those problems. There is an amazing list of promises waiting for you once you turn around - He's right there with arms open wide.
...but, what do you believe?
Since it's impossible to misplace God (He isn't lost), it must be a case of not developing a personal relationship with Him.? Therefore, when was the last time you had a conversation with Him and what was happening in your life? When you last were with Him were you praying? or studying? or simply enjoying being together? Did you need Him to do something for you? Or were you wanting to do something for Him?
If you think you have lost Him, what kinds of activities did you typically do together? What kind of relationship do you have? I realize He is God and deserving of all praise, worship, adoration but He is also father who wants to have a vital involvement in our lives. God doesn't want to control us but He does have guidelines and rules that He expects us to obey. Is that the basis of your problem? What's your problem with obedience? Is that why you think you have lost Him? He's still there, He's just waiting for you.
It really isn't difficult locating God but it does require our reaching out to Him. He took the first step by redeeming us out of the death and sin that controlled and dictated who we were. But it requires us to take the next step and accept His gift. He has this incredible celebration planned for you when you do. No, He won't remove all your problems but He did promise to always be with you and to provide you a way out of those problems. There is an amazing list of promises waiting for you once you turn around - He's right there with arms open wide.
...but, what do you believe?
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Competitive
Are you the competitive type? Actually there's nothing wrong, in my world, with being competitive unless you use your behavior against someone else. From that statement you can correctly assume that I'm competitive. However, I tend to be a specialize competitor rather than a competitor on anything and everything. My area of competition is 'intellectual', with the exception of golf. But do you take a strategy that everything you do is a competition... against someone, some thing?
Perhaps the issue is really more of the how you compete because I would argue that we all are competitive at times - it depends on whether or not the issue/focus is something that's important to us. The compete on anything all the time is not a particularly intelligent use of your time, energy, or resources since you can't focus on the important if you are already engaged in something else. If your 'how' is non manipulative and fair then even if you 'lose' you still can be satisfied.
From a context view, do you compete with a 'no holds bar', win at any cost approach? Or do you use the 'battle' as a learning experience? Do you know and understand your opponent? My major opposition is with me and my previous accomplishment - I typically always try to best myself. However, if you don't analyze what's occurring then I would suggest that you 'lose' more often than you tie or win. I try and down play the emotional component and use my version of SWTO (strengths, weaknesses, threats, opportunities).
In the scriptural context of iron sharpening iron, competition can be fun and it can hone one's skills as well as providing information. I remember, as a child, I had an instant flaming temper (red hair) until my mother pointed out that if I lose my temper I also lose the 'argument'. Competition can be 'fun' and it definitely can be 'educational'.
...but, what do you think?
Perhaps the issue is really more of the how you compete because I would argue that we all are competitive at times - it depends on whether or not the issue/focus is something that's important to us. The compete on anything all the time is not a particularly intelligent use of your time, energy, or resources since you can't focus on the important if you are already engaged in something else. If your 'how' is non manipulative and fair then even if you 'lose' you still can be satisfied.
From a context view, do you compete with a 'no holds bar', win at any cost approach? Or do you use the 'battle' as a learning experience? Do you know and understand your opponent? My major opposition is with me and my previous accomplishment - I typically always try to best myself. However, if you don't analyze what's occurring then I would suggest that you 'lose' more often than you tie or win. I try and down play the emotional component and use my version of SWTO (strengths, weaknesses, threats, opportunities).
In the scriptural context of iron sharpening iron, competition can be fun and it can hone one's skills as well as providing information. I remember, as a child, I had an instant flaming temper (red hair) until my mother pointed out that if I lose my temper I also lose the 'argument'. Competition can be 'fun' and it definitely can be 'educational'.
...but, what do you think?
Thursday, November 15, 2012
People pleasing
Are you a people pleaser? Before you put on your highly insulted face, think about it. And before we go further...what's wrong with being a people pleaser?! I think I would argue that we all are people pleasers to some degree or other. It's really a continuum from the sickeningly sweet types to the stoic don't let anyone know types. If you noticed... both ends of the continuum are false, are the types to avoid at all cost.
Definition is important at this point. We can go from the elaborate all inclusive definition to the more operational one - I choose the latter. If my definition provokes a new thinking about people pleasing - fine. People pleasing is not unthinkingly doing what others want... regardless. Yes, it attempts to accommodate others but not at the expense of one's own beliefs and standards. Another aspect of people pleasers is the ability and willingness to listen to what another person wants or needs before reacting.
Sometimes it isn't you who needs to fulfill their need/want but you are a source pointing them toward their resolution. The feeling of being rejected by others if you don't comply is not a motivator in this definition. While feelings are important they aren't the sole reason to act or not. Another generalized point about people pleasing relate to passive aggressive behaving people. They are not people pleasers, they are people manipulators in the guise of being pleasers.
Being a people pleaser must be a positive for you or you will find yourself compromised. Being a 'people pleaser' is neither good or bad. It is part of the definition of who you are, actually who most people are. People pleasing comes in all forms of people interaction and in varying degrees of behavior. For those of you who know you are people pleasers, you need to know your 'type' and if it is a true representation of who you are. That really is the only question.
...but, what do you think?
Definition is important at this point. We can go from the elaborate all inclusive definition to the more operational one - I choose the latter. If my definition provokes a new thinking about people pleasing - fine. People pleasing is not unthinkingly doing what others want... regardless. Yes, it attempts to accommodate others but not at the expense of one's own beliefs and standards. Another aspect of people pleasers is the ability and willingness to listen to what another person wants or needs before reacting.
Sometimes it isn't you who needs to fulfill their need/want but you are a source pointing them toward their resolution. The feeling of being rejected by others if you don't comply is not a motivator in this definition. While feelings are important they aren't the sole reason to act or not. Another generalized point about people pleasing relate to passive aggressive behaving people. They are not people pleasers, they are people manipulators in the guise of being pleasers.
Being a people pleaser must be a positive for you or you will find yourself compromised. Being a 'people pleaser' is neither good or bad. It is part of the definition of who you are, actually who most people are. People pleasing comes in all forms of people interaction and in varying degrees of behavior. For those of you who know you are people pleasers, you need to know your 'type' and if it is a true representation of who you are. That really is the only question.
...but, what do you think?
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Life goes on...
I don't think I like that phrase - it's so dismissive. It is anything but life affirming. While undeniably true, it doesn't seem to acknowledge 'now' and what may be happening. This phrase which I would like to think was uttered with the best of intentions is disrespectful at best. Sometimes you have to somehow stop and really see what is happening before you speak that phrase. While true, it's the 'how' that makes the difference.
Everyone faces this reality at least once and probably multiple times during their life. For me, I've discovered that until I acknowledge the pain resulting from what happened that I really can't move on. And to embody the phrase requires acknowledging but not wallowing. We need to find our own 'silver lining' in the midst of the how we feel. Besides, in these situations we really are as strong as we think we are. We just haven't plumbed our own depths.
What is equally 'interesting' is that this phrase also applies to good things that happen to us. When it is a positive experience then we typically like to stay in the glow. But staying too long in the glow either ends up burning us or we watch the fire go out. Certainly! Enjoy the moment of success but then... move on. There are new mountains to conquer and success is a great motivator.
Life goes on... there's no stopping it so why not enjoy and direct it? You are the director of your life and only you can live it to its fullest. Wallowing and basking are momentary and that's how you need to 'live' them. Certainly pain hurts! Certainly success should be celebrated! But the next moment awaits you - don't waste it.
...but what do you think?
Everyone faces this reality at least once and probably multiple times during their life. For me, I've discovered that until I acknowledge the pain resulting from what happened that I really can't move on. And to embody the phrase requires acknowledging but not wallowing. We need to find our own 'silver lining' in the midst of the how we feel. Besides, in these situations we really are as strong as we think we are. We just haven't plumbed our own depths.
What is equally 'interesting' is that this phrase also applies to good things that happen to us. When it is a positive experience then we typically like to stay in the glow. But staying too long in the glow either ends up burning us or we watch the fire go out. Certainly! Enjoy the moment of success but then... move on. There are new mountains to conquer and success is a great motivator.
Life goes on... there's no stopping it so why not enjoy and direct it? You are the director of your life and only you can live it to its fullest. Wallowing and basking are momentary and that's how you need to 'live' them. Certainly pain hurts! Certainly success should be celebrated! But the next moment awaits you - don't waste it.
...but what do you think?
Friday, November 9, 2012
Redemption
Seriously... can you get your head around that word? Can you even define it? Do you understand what it means? More importantly - do you see how it applies to YOU? 1- that you actually need to be redeemed and 2- that it is an extremely simple method to acquire it for yourself? Sometimes our problem is that we over think something. Sometimes our problem is that we don't realize when it applies to our life.
So, now what? You certainly don't have the power or ability to extricate yourself. Looking around you, you won't find another person with the power or ability either. Maybe the question is - do you want to be redeemed? Or do you feel so self-sufficient that you don't think you need a savior? If so, I would strongly suggest that you reconsider. Even looking at this question from only a secular view I think that the evidence points to the fact that we all do. When you consider the spiritual basis, then the evidence is overwhelming concerning our need.
It is amazingly simple - you are in need of redemption and there is an answer. However, let's start with a definition. Redemption according to Webster is: the act, process, or an instance of redeeming. (I really dislike it intensely when they define a word by using that word.) Redeem means to: to buy back, to free from captivity by payment of ransom, to free from the consequences of sin. I could go on but I think the point is made. And before you say you have no need to be redeemed - you do. When you look at your life can you honestly say that it is a life lived free from sin? And quantitative or qualitative of sin is not at issue.
Answer - discover Jesus and acknowledge who He is, what He did, and what He continues to do on your and other believers behalf. You can't save yourself, you can't buy salvation/redemption, but by accepting the free gift through your belief in Jesus, you have everything else that comes with redemption. You can through your act of faith and acceptance be redeemed - the alternative is horrendous.
...but, what do you believe?
So, now what? You certainly don't have the power or ability to extricate yourself. Looking around you, you won't find another person with the power or ability either. Maybe the question is - do you want to be redeemed? Or do you feel so self-sufficient that you don't think you need a savior? If so, I would strongly suggest that you reconsider. Even looking at this question from only a secular view I think that the evidence points to the fact that we all do. When you consider the spiritual basis, then the evidence is overwhelming concerning our need.
It is amazingly simple - you are in need of redemption and there is an answer. However, let's start with a definition. Redemption according to Webster is: the act, process, or an instance of redeeming. (I really dislike it intensely when they define a word by using that word.) Redeem means to: to buy back, to free from captivity by payment of ransom, to free from the consequences of sin. I could go on but I think the point is made. And before you say you have no need to be redeemed - you do. When you look at your life can you honestly say that it is a life lived free from sin? And quantitative or qualitative of sin is not at issue.
Answer - discover Jesus and acknowledge who He is, what He did, and what He continues to do on your and other believers behalf. You can't save yourself, you can't buy salvation/redemption, but by accepting the free gift through your belief in Jesus, you have everything else that comes with redemption. You can through your act of faith and acceptance be redeemed - the alternative is horrendous.
...but, what do you believe?
Sunday, November 4, 2012
The Blatant Christian
The starting place is a definition - what is and is not a blatant? To me 'blatant' is a person who IS what they say. It's not necessarily an 'in your face' person, yet they don't compromise their beliefs - they live them. Their witness is visible in their behavior. Which means I don't adhere to Webster's definition. Blatant doesn't need to fight to be heard because it's as much an 'is' as it is a behavior, a particular belief. It is obvious, not hidden; it is unmistakable, it is confident, and it is able to withstand whatever challenges it. Bottom line... does this define you as a Christian?
Perhaps another way to look at this is... are you comfortable being a Christian in front of others? Or do you take the 'live and let live' approach? This is lukewarm at best. You don't want to push your beliefs on others? Why? Don't you care for them? Aren't you aware of their 'final resting place' if they don't make a decision for the Lord? Granted - you can't make another believe but you can make them aware. Your expression may be the catalyst that causes another person to re-examine what they believe.
If there's only one word to describe blatant it has to be passion. And passion is expressed in a myriad of ways - but it is expressed. Another scripture says that we do the planting, the watering but it is God who makes the increase. He has empowered us to plant and water - that's what we do. And each of us has our own unique way of expressing our planting or watering but increase only occurs when we do our part.
Our blatant expression is a message that a hurting, dying world needs to hear. It isn't false hope and it becomes powerful in the lives of those who express their Christianity and to those who see and hear the message. You have to admit that all the other voices are being expressed but are those voices expressing a true hope? Being blatant doesn't force others to accept but it does witness to what has happened in your life.
...but, what do you believe?
Perhaps another way to look at this is... are you comfortable being a Christian in front of others? Or do you take the 'live and let live' approach? This is lukewarm at best. You don't want to push your beliefs on others? Why? Don't you care for them? Aren't you aware of their 'final resting place' if they don't make a decision for the Lord? Granted - you can't make another believe but you can make them aware. Your expression may be the catalyst that causes another person to re-examine what they believe.
If there's only one word to describe blatant it has to be passion. And passion is expressed in a myriad of ways - but it is expressed. Another scripture says that we do the planting, the watering but it is God who makes the increase. He has empowered us to plant and water - that's what we do. And each of us has our own unique way of expressing our planting or watering but increase only occurs when we do our part.
Our blatant expression is a message that a hurting, dying world needs to hear. It isn't false hope and it becomes powerful in the lives of those who express their Christianity and to those who see and hear the message. You have to admit that all the other voices are being expressed but are those voices expressing a true hope? Being blatant doesn't force others to accept but it does witness to what has happened in your life.
...but, what do you believe?
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Towel throwing...
Do you ever feel like 'throwing in the towel'? Of course you do! But do you... throw? Why??? (And, How???) What is it that makes you throw in the towel, give up, quit - or want to? No matter how much you have put into (fill in the blank) do you simply walk away? I suspect that there are times we should, but there are probably more times that we shouldn't. What will make you choose what path is your 'next'?
One thing I try to remember at these kinds of crossroads is the scripture that says... if God be for me, who can stand against me. And then I look at whether or not this should apply in this particular situation. Yes, God is always for me but my responsibility is to discover if this is something applicable, something I should be involved in, and by extension - continue. Regardless of the answer... I have my answer.
Towel throwing should be sparingly used. It's a kind of 'last resort' response. What we need to do is prior to the throwing... back at the beginning, prior to being involved, assess whether we need or should be involved. There are many stimuli calling for our attention but it doesn't mean that we need to respond to all of them. I don't think we should put God in the position of a good luck charm to whip out whenever we need to get us out of situations we shouldn't have gotten ourselves into in the first place.
If we didn't do our initial 'due diligence' we can do so now to find our path and response. IF this is a towel throwing situation then our behavior is very important - the 'how' of extricating is vital. You can't simply slink away nor can you throw a temper tantrum and point fingers. Cut your losses? Yes but you can't leave others in the lurch without telling them of your decision and why. Sometimes this will help them to make their decision of continuing or... throwing in the towel.
...but, what do you think?
One thing I try to remember at these kinds of crossroads is the scripture that says... if God be for me, who can stand against me. And then I look at whether or not this should apply in this particular situation. Yes, God is always for me but my responsibility is to discover if this is something applicable, something I should be involved in, and by extension - continue. Regardless of the answer... I have my answer.
Towel throwing should be sparingly used. It's a kind of 'last resort' response. What we need to do is prior to the throwing... back at the beginning, prior to being involved, assess whether we need or should be involved. There are many stimuli calling for our attention but it doesn't mean that we need to respond to all of them. I don't think we should put God in the position of a good luck charm to whip out whenever we need to get us out of situations we shouldn't have gotten ourselves into in the first place.
If we didn't do our initial 'due diligence' we can do so now to find our path and response. IF this is a towel throwing situation then our behavior is very important - the 'how' of extricating is vital. You can't simply slink away nor can you throw a temper tantrum and point fingers. Cut your losses? Yes but you can't leave others in the lurch without telling them of your decision and why. Sometimes this will help them to make their decision of continuing or... throwing in the towel.
...but, what do you think?
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Boredom's cure
Do you get bored? Do you find yourself with 'nothing to do'!? Perhaps I should say - nothing you want to do. Quite honestly, I'm not certain I've ever been bored but if I were, knowing that a cure was at hand would be wonderfully comforting. But, what would you do if you found yourself bored? There's a wonderful quote attributed to Dorothy Parker, "The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." And, if you noticed, there is no focus for 'curious' - it can be related to anything!
Curiosity. It's 'interesting' that the two words Webster uses to define curious is inquisitive and nosiness. While 'nosiness' may be a legitimate definition, I prefer the, 'interest leading to inquiry' approach. It's the qualities of curiosity - who, what, where, when, why, how - that infuse the discovery process. I think we are born with curiosity - just watch babies explore their worlds if you doubt my assertion. I'd go as far as to state that curiosity is the foundation for all discoveries. Somehow, though, many people seem to lose this quality from their life. But it can be rediscovered.
Curiosity is the twinkle in the eye of progress. Curiosity is the spur to 'what if'. If it wasn't obvious, I am a great proponent of the wondrous qualities of curiosity. Is there a 'down side'? I don't think there is unless you try and live in the world of curiosity without any involvement with 'real world'. One lives in the 'real world' (open to definition) and you can't ignore this, but it is the world of '...I wonder...' that is the creative component.
There is absolutely no way you can be bored when engaged in the act of discovering (which, to me, is the tangible aspect of curiosity). Curiosity really is all it's cracked up to be. It can be a 'cure' for a number of malaise (don't think there's a plural for this word... it's like sheep and deer, solitary). Curiosity adds flavor, adds spice to our days. Soooo.... why would you ever want a cure for curiosity?
...but, what do you think?
Curiosity. It's 'interesting' that the two words Webster uses to define curious is inquisitive and nosiness. While 'nosiness' may be a legitimate definition, I prefer the, 'interest leading to inquiry' approach. It's the qualities of curiosity - who, what, where, when, why, how - that infuse the discovery process. I think we are born with curiosity - just watch babies explore their worlds if you doubt my assertion. I'd go as far as to state that curiosity is the foundation for all discoveries. Somehow, though, many people seem to lose this quality from their life. But it can be rediscovered.
Curiosity is the twinkle in the eye of progress. Curiosity is the spur to 'what if'. If it wasn't obvious, I am a great proponent of the wondrous qualities of curiosity. Is there a 'down side'? I don't think there is unless you try and live in the world of curiosity without any involvement with 'real world'. One lives in the 'real world' (open to definition) and you can't ignore this, but it is the world of '...I wonder...' that is the creative component.
There is absolutely no way you can be bored when engaged in the act of discovering (which, to me, is the tangible aspect of curiosity). Curiosity really is all it's cracked up to be. It can be a 'cure' for a number of malaise (don't think there's a plural for this word... it's like sheep and deer, solitary). Curiosity adds flavor, adds spice to our days. Soooo.... why would you ever want a cure for curiosity?
...but, what do you think?
Sunday, October 28, 2012
A simple life
Is there such a thing as 'a simple' ... to anything! Granted it depends on the issue but even with the simplest of questions... is there ever just a simple answer? I'm beginning to seriously doubt it. Or maybe it's that no one wants to commit themselves to something 'obvious' or 'simple' because life has ceased to be simple. Plus most people are relativist and respond with a, '... it depends on the situation.' Talk about lame.
That may be a tad harsh. Look at your own life - can you say you live a 'simple life'? Probably not. More important - would you like to? Yes... it does depend on your definition of 'simple' which is probably based on what you aren't currently experiencing. Webster says that simple is: "naive, free from guile and vanity, modest" and then the definition becomes condescending, "lacking in knowledge or expertise, not socially or culturally sophisticated". However, 'simple' may simply be a state in which whatever the negative you are experiencing doesn't exist. But... do you know your definition?
Often people look back 5, 10 or 20 years and say that 'those were simpler times'. I think the issue is that in those times they weren't experiencing stress... or very little... or didn't recognize stress for what it is and does. Stress seems to be the single most mention factor that people will indicate as negatively
impacting their lives. Difficulties would have existed 'back then' but not as pervasive as they appear to be now. Fact or fiction has little to do with it - it's our memories from that time.
IF simple is influenced/impacted by stress then you have a starting point to reach simple. Stress reduction. While it can be argued that reducing stress is easier said than done, you can influence your own level of stress, even if it is only in how you respond to stress - emotionally as well as behaviorally. Actually, your response to your own situation has a tremendous effect on how stress controls you.
...but, what do you think?
That may be a tad harsh. Look at your own life - can you say you live a 'simple life'? Probably not. More important - would you like to? Yes... it does depend on your definition of 'simple' which is probably based on what you aren't currently experiencing. Webster says that simple is: "naive, free from guile and vanity, modest" and then the definition becomes condescending, "lacking in knowledge or expertise, not socially or culturally sophisticated". However, 'simple' may simply be a state in which whatever the negative you are experiencing doesn't exist. But... do you know your definition?
Often people look back 5, 10 or 20 years and say that 'those were simpler times'. I think the issue is that in those times they weren't experiencing stress... or very little... or didn't recognize stress for what it is and does. Stress seems to be the single most mention factor that people will indicate as negatively
impacting their lives. Difficulties would have existed 'back then' but not as pervasive as they appear to be now. Fact or fiction has little to do with it - it's our memories from that time.
IF simple is influenced/impacted by stress then you have a starting point to reach simple. Stress reduction. While it can be argued that reducing stress is easier said than done, you can influence your own level of stress, even if it is only in how you respond to stress - emotionally as well as behaviorally. Actually, your response to your own situation has a tremendous effect on how stress controls you.
...but, what do you think?
Friday, October 26, 2012
Stumbling stones
Do you know what yours are? Those irritating behaviors, attitudes, and/or emotions that trip you up. Just when you think you have finally 'matured' and mastered them... they blindside you. Do you know what causes you to stumble? Whether or not you realize, you really do know, however it's an issue of who's in control - you or them.
Let me provide an example... patience. I have zilch. It's not a point of pride because I constantly get into trouble because of it. I do not have it under control. And it really is silly because it typically is in areas that I don't have control over but am a party to or recipient. Simply... it's called if you don't have control over the situation then your options are to depart or accept. Another example, for me, is blatant stupidity. Not misunderstanding, knowing better and still forging ahead. I have little tolerance when I see it in others and even less with myself. One really does know when one is behaving stupidly.
It seems that if you don't have control over your stumbling stones you do need to be on the alert for when they emerge so that you can effectively respond - not just react. So often we only exasperate the situation by what we do once we are faced with one of our stones. And what we do is to react with scant thought. However, there is another path - squarely face those stones, acknowledge them for what they are and what they do, and develop the necessary skills to deal with them.
For each of us, we find our way out of our 'predicament' rather than ignoring the problem. Everyone emerges eventually, but the 'how' of emerging and the 'condition' are two of the aspects we can focus on. We all need to become more aware of what 'sets us off' or what it is that allows those irritating stones to dictate our reactions. It is possible to overcome, to hold our stones in check and become effective at responding.
...but, what do you think?
Let me provide an example... patience. I have zilch. It's not a point of pride because I constantly get into trouble because of it. I do not have it under control. And it really is silly because it typically is in areas that I don't have control over but am a party to or recipient. Simply... it's called if you don't have control over the situation then your options are to depart or accept. Another example, for me, is blatant stupidity. Not misunderstanding, knowing better and still forging ahead. I have little tolerance when I see it in others and even less with myself. One really does know when one is behaving stupidly.
It seems that if you don't have control over your stumbling stones you do need to be on the alert for when they emerge so that you can effectively respond - not just react. So often we only exasperate the situation by what we do once we are faced with one of our stones. And what we do is to react with scant thought. However, there is another path - squarely face those stones, acknowledge them for what they are and what they do, and develop the necessary skills to deal with them.
For each of us, we find our way out of our 'predicament' rather than ignoring the problem. Everyone emerges eventually, but the 'how' of emerging and the 'condition' are two of the aspects we can focus on. We all need to become more aware of what 'sets us off' or what it is that allows those irritating stones to dictate our reactions. It is possible to overcome, to hold our stones in check and become effective at responding.
...but, what do you think?
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Generous
Are you generous? Perhaps just as important... do others see you as generous? Do you want to be considered as a generous person? Now the crux of the question - generous about/with what? Your time? Your resources? Your thoughts? Your you? Generous is as much about the intangible as is is the material. Generous is always a choice. Generous is visible, something 'seen' as well as known. It is a lifestyle as much as it is a description or a 'title'. But it must be open handed... without conditions.
Regardless, how do you define generous? And do you personalize your definition? Webster defines the word primarily with adjectives: unselfish, unsparing, unstinting, magnanimous, liberal. But the implication is that this is from a bountiful supply. Does this mean that only those who have an unlimited supply can be generous? Of course not. But it does imply the attitude of generous. I believe that there is the implication of 'above and beyond' that defines generous.
There are many people who would like to be seen as generous... as long as it doesn't cost them anything. But if generous comes only from a bountiful supply, is it generosity? More important is our motives - are we generous or do we simply want to be considered as generous? Thoughtful questions that cause us to rethink our own actions... and our belief about the word.
It isn't mandated that you be generous but part of the definition is - unconditional. There's no quid pro quo involved. You shouldn't expect to be rewarded for your generosity. The important aspect is your attitude - if you expect to be rewarded when you are generous then I question your word usage.
For some, this behavior - a generous spirit - does define them, is their lifestyle, and typically is pervasive.
...but, what do you think?
Regardless, how do you define generous? And do you personalize your definition? Webster defines the word primarily with adjectives: unselfish, unsparing, unstinting, magnanimous, liberal. But the implication is that this is from a bountiful supply. Does this mean that only those who have an unlimited supply can be generous? Of course not. But it does imply the attitude of generous. I believe that there is the implication of 'above and beyond' that defines generous.
There are many people who would like to be seen as generous... as long as it doesn't cost them anything. But if generous comes only from a bountiful supply, is it generosity? More important is our motives - are we generous or do we simply want to be considered as generous? Thoughtful questions that cause us to rethink our own actions... and our belief about the word.
It isn't mandated that you be generous but part of the definition is - unconditional. There's no quid pro quo involved. You shouldn't expect to be rewarded for your generosity. The important aspect is your attitude - if you expect to be rewarded when you are generous then I question your word usage.
For some, this behavior - a generous spirit - does define them, is their lifestyle, and typically is pervasive.
...but, what do you think?
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Confidence
Where are you on the confidence continuum? Supremely confident or low self esteem? And the focus/issue is not the point, I'm talking about your overall rating of you. Smugly Supremely Confident is not a positive nor is it attractive but snivelingly low self esteem isn't either. Your level of confidence really becomes a method of determining how much you put you into the equation of your current project.
There is a direct correlation between your level of confidence in you in the specific situation and the potential for success. I find it fascinating that we will often hedge our bets and put just enough of our selves into the equation that it won't hurt if we 'lose' and that we're still involved if progress is made. That, my friend, is lukewarm living. It exemplifies compromise and temporizing. Plus there is an excellent chance that you'll lose what it is that you believe and think.
A person of confidence is able to function in conflict and is able to listen to opposing views. If you really are confident, you won't disallow other's thoughts because they could possibly be refinements on the original plans. Likewise when you are asked to 'defend' your position you are able to offer cogent arguments to explain. Confidence is not a stick but it is a stand.
Minimally, if you are confident in (fill in the blank) then you are equally willing to be known for what you believe. However, if you are not confident and it is an essential issue, you need to do what is necessary to discover and this is more than merely accepting the majority view. Confidence knows what it believes and equally important - why.
...but, what do you believe?
There is a direct correlation between your level of confidence in you in the specific situation and the potential for success. I find it fascinating that we will often hedge our bets and put just enough of our selves into the equation that it won't hurt if we 'lose' and that we're still involved if progress is made. That, my friend, is lukewarm living. It exemplifies compromise and temporizing. Plus there is an excellent chance that you'll lose what it is that you believe and think.
A person of confidence is able to function in conflict and is able to listen to opposing views. If you really are confident, you won't disallow other's thoughts because they could possibly be refinements on the original plans. Likewise when you are asked to 'defend' your position you are able to offer cogent arguments to explain. Confidence is not a stick but it is a stand.
Minimally, if you are confident in (fill in the blank) then you are equally willing to be known for what you believe. However, if you are not confident and it is an essential issue, you need to do what is necessary to discover and this is more than merely accepting the majority view. Confidence knows what it believes and equally important - why.
...but, what do you believe?
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Coping with disappointment
It's not always easy and sometimes it is extremely difficult to cope with a disappointment - regardless of the 'type'. For many of us, the first reaction to disappointment is pouting. Pouting can take many forms but there are both childish and adultish - and both exist, are visible, and are undeniably pouts. There are multiple issues related to pouting and one is length. Exactly how long will you pout about a situation that is over?
Disappointment seems to be a fact of life so it should be relatively logical to devise a host of ways to cope with it. But it also seems that we have to develop a new response each time we have to deal with disappointment. Our attitude toward this problem is the critical component in terms of how effective we deal with the disappointment. So how do you cope? What do you do to 'move on' positively?
I think the major issue is do we do anything to move on that has anything to do with the cause of the disappointment? I'm a 'teachable moment' type and nothing does a better job of providing teachable moments than how we handle disappointments. If nothing else it will hone our analytical and critical thinking skills. In the midst of all this I believe that it's also important to look on the positive learnings in the situation. What are the positives that occurred even though the results were disappointing?
Bottom line is that disappointments occur, are painful and last as long as we allow them. We can use the information from the disappointment to create something new or we can wallow in our feelings. The latter position will guarantee lack of our own personal growth. Actually a different type of bottom line is what we learn about ourselves with these situations arise. Learning is always a choice.
...but, what do you think?
Disappointment seems to be a fact of life so it should be relatively logical to devise a host of ways to cope with it. But it also seems that we have to develop a new response each time we have to deal with disappointment. Our attitude toward this problem is the critical component in terms of how effective we deal with the disappointment. So how do you cope? What do you do to 'move on' positively?
I think the major issue is do we do anything to move on that has anything to do with the cause of the disappointment? I'm a 'teachable moment' type and nothing does a better job of providing teachable moments than how we handle disappointments. If nothing else it will hone our analytical and critical thinking skills. In the midst of all this I believe that it's also important to look on the positive learnings in the situation. What are the positives that occurred even though the results were disappointing?
Bottom line is that disappointments occur, are painful and last as long as we allow them. We can use the information from the disappointment to create something new or we can wallow in our feelings. The latter position will guarantee lack of our own personal growth. Actually a different type of bottom line is what we learn about ourselves with these situations arise. Learning is always a choice.
...but, what do you think?
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Decision-making
How do you arrive at your decision? There are many types of decision making styles... which describes you? Do you laboriously consider each and every option and ramification? Do you, after asking a number of people, accept the 'majority' opinion? Perhaps you adopt the 'fly by the seat of the pants' approach Do you take a serendipitous approach, adhering to the belief that 'everything will work out'... regardless of whether or not you do anything? Or maybe you take a I-won't-make-a -decision-so-I-don't-have-any-responsibility-for-what-happens?
And the preferred style: the person who analyzes the situation and looks for options and ramifications and then makes a 'timely' decision. Ideally we would use our foresight. But... no one has it so we're all on an even playing field. Some of us seem to have more intuition then others, but maybe it's more that some are more observant or listen to that 'inner voice' and follow it more often than others.
I do wish I had foresight... but then, life wouldn't be such an adventure if I did. However, we would probably have less scraped knees. Since we don't have foresight - what can we do? I've always thought that developing a critical thinking approach to decision making would be the preferred method. I still do. But, if you are a critical thinker then you can't use the excuse of innocence/I didn't know - this tends to be the drawback. For me, it's worth that price.
Regardless, even critical thinkers have to take a position at some point. How you present your stand is nearly as important as your stand. It is important that you remain flexible in order to take in new data. It's also important that you make your decision confidently, knowing you've done all you can to arrive at the best possible decision. The final step of monitoring what's happening as a result of the decision becomes the most critical step - this step can assure success because it's a relevant to what is actually happening thus allowing for adjustments.
...but, what do you think?
And the preferred style: the person who analyzes the situation and looks for options and ramifications and then makes a 'timely' decision. Ideally we would use our foresight. But... no one has it so we're all on an even playing field. Some of us seem to have more intuition then others, but maybe it's more that some are more observant or listen to that 'inner voice' and follow it more often than others.
I do wish I had foresight... but then, life wouldn't be such an adventure if I did. However, we would probably have less scraped knees. Since we don't have foresight - what can we do? I've always thought that developing a critical thinking approach to decision making would be the preferred method. I still do. But, if you are a critical thinker then you can't use the excuse of innocence/I didn't know - this tends to be the drawback. For me, it's worth that price.
Regardless, even critical thinkers have to take a position at some point. How you present your stand is nearly as important as your stand. It is important that you remain flexible in order to take in new data. It's also important that you make your decision confidently, knowing you've done all you can to arrive at the best possible decision. The final step of monitoring what's happening as a result of the decision becomes the most critical step - this step can assure success because it's a relevant to what is actually happening thus allowing for adjustments.
...but, what do you think?
Sunday, October 14, 2012
It all starts with you...
While I say, often, that it's all about you, it's because it all starts with you. But if it only stays with you then you're not doing anything with what you are and have (and have been given). Yes... it starts with you, and it is all about you... but it's also - more! You were never designed to horde you. You have always been designed to share. Share implies and is defined as mutual, not one-sided.
I don't know about you but I get extremely frustrated when I can't share a new discovery or a different way to look at an issue. I truly believe that we were meant to be share-ers. It's when we blend our discoveries together that we get a broader picture and further understanding. I suspect that's why I enjoyed teaching because I was always delighted to see light bulbs go off in the student's eyes. To be totally honest, I think the students probably taught me more than I taught them.
One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is in a teaching by Paul in 1st Corinthians 12 in which he is telling the church: a. don't compare gifts, b. don't give place to one gift over another, c. you are to share your gift because it is needed. You are needed to fill the place with your gifting. None of us are islands unto ourselves and we all need one another.
Perhaps a different way of considering this is: do you think you are you by chance or is there a design to you and for your life? Do you believe that you have a destiny? Obviously I would argue - design. Serendipity does exist in our thinking but I wonder if it's by fact? Coincidences and chance really are only concepts we've developed - I have difficulty believing that there isn't an overall plan. But there is a caveat in this - our reaction and our decisions. It's always your decision about if, what, and how you share.
...but, what do you think?
I don't know about you but I get extremely frustrated when I can't share a new discovery or a different way to look at an issue. I truly believe that we were meant to be share-ers. It's when we blend our discoveries together that we get a broader picture and further understanding. I suspect that's why I enjoyed teaching because I was always delighted to see light bulbs go off in the student's eyes. To be totally honest, I think the students probably taught me more than I taught them.
One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is in a teaching by Paul in 1st Corinthians 12 in which he is telling the church: a. don't compare gifts, b. don't give place to one gift over another, c. you are to share your gift because it is needed. You are needed to fill the place with your gifting. None of us are islands unto ourselves and we all need one another.
Perhaps a different way of considering this is: do you think you are you by chance or is there a design to you and for your life? Do you believe that you have a destiny? Obviously I would argue - design. Serendipity does exist in our thinking but I wonder if it's by fact? Coincidences and chance really are only concepts we've developed - I have difficulty believing that there isn't an overall plan. But there is a caveat in this - our reaction and our decisions. It's always your decision about if, what, and how you share.
...but, what do you think?
Saturday, October 13, 2012
'mood'
Have you ever just been in a 'mood'. No identifying marks. You can't say it's just ... or it's only... (I intensely dislike the dismissive 'just' and 'only'). Initially, you really can't identify 'mood' - what it is, where it came from, why it's here - it just is! I really, really hate those times. And don't tell me you haven't experienced them. But what do you do when they happen? And, more importantly, how do you get out of them?!
By now I can typically identify the beginning stages to these times. And not being the patient type, I find that attitude only contributes to 'mood'. However, identification doesn't necessarily bring resolution. Distraction (from the mood) rarely last long though, admittedly, the type of distraction does have a bearing. Regardless, distraction is only a temporary 'fix'. A 'doing' approach only will work if the doing has a relationship to the mood.
For me, these are times of frustration, rarely depression, but the kind of mood does need to be dealt with. Everyone, once they are in or going in to this funk, will need to deal with 'mood' or it will stay longer than it should. And yes, every mood does have a type even if it seems initially non existent. And just as everyone has to deal with 'mood', everyone has to start by identifying the why of the mood first.
Whys are as important as what's with these types of moods. For me, the whys can often be traced to unfinished business, unresolved issues. Sometimes these are surprises because the assumption was that everything was finished and resolved. Typically all I need do is look at the latest 'completion' to find the issue. Then it's my responsibility to actually resolve the uncompleted in order to move on. Did I happen to tell you... I'm in a mood.
...but what do you think?
By now I can typically identify the beginning stages to these times. And not being the patient type, I find that attitude only contributes to 'mood'. However, identification doesn't necessarily bring resolution. Distraction (from the mood) rarely last long though, admittedly, the type of distraction does have a bearing. Regardless, distraction is only a temporary 'fix'. A 'doing' approach only will work if the doing has a relationship to the mood.
For me, these are times of frustration, rarely depression, but the kind of mood does need to be dealt with. Everyone, once they are in or going in to this funk, will need to deal with 'mood' or it will stay longer than it should. And yes, every mood does have a type even if it seems initially non existent. And just as everyone has to deal with 'mood', everyone has to start by identifying the why of the mood first.
Whys are as important as what's with these types of moods. For me, the whys can often be traced to unfinished business, unresolved issues. Sometimes these are surprises because the assumption was that everything was finished and resolved. Typically all I need do is look at the latest 'completion' to find the issue. Then it's my responsibility to actually resolve the uncompleted in order to move on. Did I happen to tell you... I'm in a mood.
...but what do you think?
Thursday, October 11, 2012
What you get...
depends, basically, on what you put in. The old 'what you see is what you get' can be applied to your 'gettings'. What you do is of paramount importance. If you do nothing, do you still expect? Many people do. The do nothing but expect something is the 'free ride' mindset - but this doesn't exist. Sometimes there is a getting but it isn't what you expect or want. Does this describe you?
There are two old sayings that seem applicable: 'God helps those who help themselves.' and, 'All things cometh to those who waiteth, if they worketh like h**l while they waiteth.' There's some truth in this, but perhaps not precisely what you may be thinking. While multiple issues pop to mind, the one we're interested in at this moment is what are you doing to get what you want? The corollary: is what you're getting what you want?
Doing and getting are 'concepts' that are highly interrelated and interdependent. Is your doing done with the proper motive? Are you investing all that you need to in order to get the outcome you are seeking? The one who risks nothings gets precisely that - nothing. Are you 'pie in the sky' expecting without any personal expenditure of doing? And perhaps the underscoring question... why do you want what you want?
I don't have your answers and those are only some of the questions. But, you need to know where you are and what your expectations are as well as your level of willingness to get what you want. What if you 'lose'? What if the price is to much to bear? While I don't believe in failure per se, it is true that the only real failure is a failure to try. Trite? Yes, but that's what happens to true sayings. If you are sitting, if you are expecting but not personally committed then?????? Never be afraid to try, rather... fear sameness.
...but, what do you think?
There are two old sayings that seem applicable: 'God helps those who help themselves.' and, 'All things cometh to those who waiteth, if they worketh like h**l while they waiteth.' There's some truth in this, but perhaps not precisely what you may be thinking. While multiple issues pop to mind, the one we're interested in at this moment is what are you doing to get what you want? The corollary: is what you're getting what you want?
Doing and getting are 'concepts' that are highly interrelated and interdependent. Is your doing done with the proper motive? Are you investing all that you need to in order to get the outcome you are seeking? The one who risks nothings gets precisely that - nothing. Are you 'pie in the sky' expecting without any personal expenditure of doing? And perhaps the underscoring question... why do you want what you want?
I don't have your answers and those are only some of the questions. But, you need to know where you are and what your expectations are as well as your level of willingness to get what you want. What if you 'lose'? What if the price is to much to bear? While I don't believe in failure per se, it is true that the only real failure is a failure to try. Trite? Yes, but that's what happens to true sayings. If you are sitting, if you are expecting but not personally committed then?????? Never be afraid to try, rather... fear sameness.
...but, what do you think?
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Where do you belong?
Belonging... a critical emotional, intellectual and 'need to know' concept - I suspect that's why I write about it, in its many manifestations, as I do. Where you 'belong' identifies you as much to others as to yourself, but especially to ourselves. Do you know where you belong? Are you in your place of belonging? Undeniable is the issue of belonging - we really aren't islands unto ourselves. However, it's not just where you belong it's also what you do with your belonging - that tells the tale.
Equally important is - do you know that you may belong in more than one place? Maybe the question is more - where do you want to belong? What I mean by this is I was basically talking about the visible involvement not necessarily your internal 'place'. Example: belonging can be something you 'join', such as: do you 'belong' to a fitness club? If so then this says that you value physical fitness. Another example is where you choose to go to church... or not. This demonstrates your allegiance. Participation v. merely attending tells the tale of your depth of involvement and valuing.
But, where do you want to belong? Belonging is as much a you choose as being chosen - both have to exist - and yes, I am primarily talking about the interpersonal components that define your life. Belonging carries with it responsibility, a deeper level of commitment than a casual involvement. Belonging also carries with it rights and privileges. It can be argued that your place of belonging is your foundation - the place from which you find strength and solace.
As important as belonging is to our personal mental health and happiness, it must first start with knowing and accepting ourselves. Without a sense of who we are: our goals and aspirations, our abilities and dreams, our destiny... we have no frame of reference. And our frame of reference, I would argue, is what binds us together. It's this foundation of beliefs and attitudes that gives us the basis to be. And this also gives us the security to be ... different, our unique selves.
...but, what do you think?
Equally important is - do you know that you may belong in more than one place? Maybe the question is more - where do you want to belong? What I mean by this is I was basically talking about the visible involvement not necessarily your internal 'place'. Example: belonging can be something you 'join', such as: do you 'belong' to a fitness club? If so then this says that you value physical fitness. Another example is where you choose to go to church... or not. This demonstrates your allegiance. Participation v. merely attending tells the tale of your depth of involvement and valuing.
But, where do you want to belong? Belonging is as much a you choose as being chosen - both have to exist - and yes, I am primarily talking about the interpersonal components that define your life. Belonging carries with it responsibility, a deeper level of commitment than a casual involvement. Belonging also carries with it rights and privileges. It can be argued that your place of belonging is your foundation - the place from which you find strength and solace.
As important as belonging is to our personal mental health and happiness, it must first start with knowing and accepting ourselves. Without a sense of who we are: our goals and aspirations, our abilities and dreams, our destiny... we have no frame of reference. And our frame of reference, I would argue, is what binds us together. It's this foundation of beliefs and attitudes that gives us the basis to be. And this also gives us the security to be ... different, our unique selves.
...but, what do you think?
Friday, October 5, 2012
Looking back
Do you ever look back? Not the nostalgia looking back and reminiscing... nor the 'if I only knew' looking back. The looking back, momentarily, to see where you were and the path you took to get where you are. Are you ever surprised? Most of us are but it isn't always a negative surprise. And as you look back you can see what events and decisions you made that got you where you are. Some good. Some bad...
Another way of phrasing this is: are you a mindless interactor with your life or a proactive director? I realize that could sound harsh but all of us have met people that seem to meander through life. I do not recommend it. You may not experience many 'losses' but you also can't take credit for the successes. There is another way... stopping, occasionally, to see not only what decisions you made that got you to where you are now but the impacting forces and influences that occurred, especially the influences. Is there a pattern?
There's a saying that you can never go back. Not sure why unless you expect the people and place to have not changed - that would never happen. But... you can return and rediscover. The same idea holds in looking back - you can look back to see what was happening around you and in you. Not to retrace or 'undo' but to understand. If you discern patterns of people or people-types or situations then, if successful, you can apply or, if unsuccessful, develop new ways of responding. It will not be the same but it can be similar.
Looking back can be extremely self revealing because it displays to you all of you: your who, your why. It doesn't need to be self irritating because you made the 'wrong' decision. It doesn't need to be embarrassing, you're the only one who is involved. It can also be self affirming when you concur, now, with what you did and why. And it can be self actualizing as you see how you handled yourself in the midst of stress and success.
...but what do you think?
Another way of phrasing this is: are you a mindless interactor with your life or a proactive director? I realize that could sound harsh but all of us have met people that seem to meander through life. I do not recommend it. You may not experience many 'losses' but you also can't take credit for the successes. There is another way... stopping, occasionally, to see not only what decisions you made that got you to where you are now but the impacting forces and influences that occurred, especially the influences. Is there a pattern?
There's a saying that you can never go back. Not sure why unless you expect the people and place to have not changed - that would never happen. But... you can return and rediscover. The same idea holds in looking back - you can look back to see what was happening around you and in you. Not to retrace or 'undo' but to understand. If you discern patterns of people or people-types or situations then, if successful, you can apply or, if unsuccessful, develop new ways of responding. It will not be the same but it can be similar.
Looking back can be extremely self revealing because it displays to you all of you: your who, your why. It doesn't need to be self irritating because you made the 'wrong' decision. It doesn't need to be embarrassing, you're the only one who is involved. It can also be self affirming when you concur, now, with what you did and why. And it can be self actualizing as you see how you handled yourself in the midst of stress and success.
...but what do you think?
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Light bulbs
I love light bulbs! They are the "Eurekas!" in life. The time when suddenly the pieces of the puzzle you've been working on suddenly fall into place and the picture emerges. Those are euphoric times! I grant you that this all sounds fatuous or worse, slightly tongue-in-cheek, but I'm quite serious - light bulbs are fantastic. However, their lifespans are extremely short as we are quick to move on to the next step or the next problem.
Part of the reason for the allure of light bulbs is what they demonstrate - light coming into a situation of confusion or at least lack of clarity. Recall your own feelings when the apparent mess in front of you suddenly shows a distinct pattern or plan for accomplishment. This became the added impetus to complete the project. Yes? Actually, I can't think of a single negative associated with light bulbs other then their life expectancy is short.
But... in the midst of the muddy picture what can you do to create your needed light bulb quicker? Or is it merely a process that comes...? The answer, of course, is that it depends on the person. It isn't so much a function of the 'problem' as it is in the methodology of the problem-solver. Each person has their own way to light bulbs but unfortunately most people don't take the time to know their own approach to solution.
For example: when I find myself in the situation where I really need a answer soon but am not completely confident in the direction the 'project' is going, I stop. Before heading in a direction that will require backing up and thus wasting time, energy, resources I try and take some time, alone, to first - do nothing. And after I've had some separation time, I look at the puzzle again to see if something emerges that I hadn't seen before. Many times... it does. If it doesn't then I begin to bring others into the resolution time. In one or the other of these approaches... Eureka! I do love light bulbs!
...but, what do you think?
Part of the reason for the allure of light bulbs is what they demonstrate - light coming into a situation of confusion or at least lack of clarity. Recall your own feelings when the apparent mess in front of you suddenly shows a distinct pattern or plan for accomplishment. This became the added impetus to complete the project. Yes? Actually, I can't think of a single negative associated with light bulbs other then their life expectancy is short.
But... in the midst of the muddy picture what can you do to create your needed light bulb quicker? Or is it merely a process that comes...? The answer, of course, is that it depends on the person. It isn't so much a function of the 'problem' as it is in the methodology of the problem-solver. Each person has their own way to light bulbs but unfortunately most people don't take the time to know their own approach to solution.
For example: when I find myself in the situation where I really need a answer soon but am not completely confident in the direction the 'project' is going, I stop. Before heading in a direction that will require backing up and thus wasting time, energy, resources I try and take some time, alone, to first - do nothing. And after I've had some separation time, I look at the puzzle again to see if something emerges that I hadn't seen before. Many times... it does. If it doesn't then I begin to bring others into the resolution time. In one or the other of these approaches... Eureka! I do love light bulbs!
...but, what do you think?
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Steward
As a verb, Webster defines steward as a person who: " administers, guides, manages, oversees, supervises, tends," etc. The obvious implication is that this person doesn't actually own whatever is being tended but is trusted and empowered to manage. This thinking should also apply to our spiritual giftings. In fact, scripture tells us that our gifts are for the benefit of all (1Corinthians 12:7) and not our 'own'.
If the gift, though ours, did not come to us as part of who we are but is added into who and what we are, then it is an entirely different mindset. When you read 1 Corinthians 12 you begin to understand more fully that the Giver is God so that we can actually be His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). And what we are doing, regardless of our gifting, is to help all (Ephesians 4:12-16). In reading scripture, consider when the gift manifests and for what purpose...
This, to me, sharing seems like an obvious conclusion. If not, for what reason are we given gifts and for whose benefit - only ourselves? It is as stewards that we are gifted for others. Do you remember the story of Simon the Sorcerer who tried to buy the gift of laying on of hands from Peter (Acts 8:9-23)? His motives and his method were sinful - the desire to use the power of God for his own gain. When we do 'use' the gift for our own gain, what happens...
A different dilemma occurs when we don't use our gift but covet the other gifts. The obvious question is: why would we want to have a gift other than what's given us and why would we want to have another's gift? Again, 1Corinthians 12:14-27 answers this question. It is together that we combine to be a whole... which is why all are needed, all are important. Remembering that we are gifted as stewards puts our mindset on God rather than ourselves - this places the giftings in the proper perspective.
...but, what do you think?
If the gift, though ours, did not come to us as part of who we are but is added into who and what we are, then it is an entirely different mindset. When you read 1 Corinthians 12 you begin to understand more fully that the Giver is God so that we can actually be His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). And what we are doing, regardless of our gifting, is to help all (Ephesians 4:12-16). In reading scripture, consider when the gift manifests and for what purpose...
This, to me, sharing seems like an obvious conclusion. If not, for what reason are we given gifts and for whose benefit - only ourselves? It is as stewards that we are gifted for others. Do you remember the story of Simon the Sorcerer who tried to buy the gift of laying on of hands from Peter (Acts 8:9-23)? His motives and his method were sinful - the desire to use the power of God for his own gain. When we do 'use' the gift for our own gain, what happens...
A different dilemma occurs when we don't use our gift but covet the other gifts. The obvious question is: why would we want to have a gift other than what's given us and why would we want to have another's gift? Again, 1Corinthians 12:14-27 answers this question. It is together that we combine to be a whole... which is why all are needed, all are important. Remembering that we are gifted as stewards puts our mindset on God rather than ourselves - this places the giftings in the proper perspective.
...but, what do you think?
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Me v. ... me!?
Do you ever get the feeling that you sometimes are in a battle with yourself? If so, you probably are. The simple way of looking at this seeming oxymoron-type phenomena is that your better self is battling your non better self. Is that possible? Of course and it rarely is comfortable. But looking at this battle in a
simplistic better v. non better is never wise because it can lead to some disastrous and/or dismissive decisions. There are a number of aspects, components that need addressing in order to resolve a Me v. ... me situation.
First... duly note it is your 'non better' not necessarily 'bad' self. If it were only your 'bad' (and yes, we all have that side) then decision making would be clear; regardless of your decision. Next... what are you battling yourself over? Is it to grow you into a better you? Is it a tenet of your personal philosophy? Both are battles worth engaging in. Confusion typically defines this battle, somehow the lines seem to blur. If the battle was a clear good v. bad it would be simple to make the 'right' decision, but when there seem to be other contingencies or options or ramifications then decision making becomes more complicated.
Second... never look at a battle as only philosophical - there always is an application involvement. This is not an idle 'observation' because in any decision making, the philosophical always becomes visible in your actions. The application in the battle of Me v. me can also clarify the battle and why it is occurring now. When attempting to resolve the philosophical consider too, behavior.
Battles rarely are 'spontaneous'... they always emerge as new information, thought impacts on the original tenet. That's why you really can't plan ahead. You need, though, to know what you believe. My point is to never run from these battles as they refine and redefine who you are and why. There are very few things that are in cement thus your beliefs and thoughts will always be challenged. You will always become a better Me in these times.
...but, what do you think?
simplistic better v. non better is never wise because it can lead to some disastrous and/or dismissive decisions. There are a number of aspects, components that need addressing in order to resolve a Me v. ... me situation.
First... duly note it is your 'non better' not necessarily 'bad' self. If it were only your 'bad' (and yes, we all have that side) then decision making would be clear; regardless of your decision. Next... what are you battling yourself over? Is it to grow you into a better you? Is it a tenet of your personal philosophy? Both are battles worth engaging in. Confusion typically defines this battle, somehow the lines seem to blur. If the battle was a clear good v. bad it would be simple to make the 'right' decision, but when there seem to be other contingencies or options or ramifications then decision making becomes more complicated.
Second... never look at a battle as only philosophical - there always is an application involvement. This is not an idle 'observation' because in any decision making, the philosophical always becomes visible in your actions. The application in the battle of Me v. me can also clarify the battle and why it is occurring now. When attempting to resolve the philosophical consider too, behavior.
Battles rarely are 'spontaneous'... they always emerge as new information, thought impacts on the original tenet. That's why you really can't plan ahead. You need, though, to know what you believe. My point is to never run from these battles as they refine and redefine who you are and why. There are very few things that are in cement thus your beliefs and thoughts will always be challenged. You will always become a better Me in these times.
...but, what do you think?
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