I may be wrong...

   If you hear that phrase...watch out! Typically the speaker always follows that opening with...'but'. This can be translated as - but I don't think so, and then proceed immediately to give you their opinion on (fill in the blank).  Do you do this? Probably. I know I do but follow the phrase with, but I'm not. But the crucial point is how we, the listener, choose to react to the phrase. We can accept it. Reject it. Both are done without much thought but also with no intention of following the advice. However, it is worth listening to and adding to your decision options.

  Personally, I only give a grain of salt value when I hear this phrase. It really is a kind of providing an excuse before potential ill thought out advice is given. Bottom line is that the phrase is letting the listener know that it is opinion only - if it were fact or truth then the phrase wouldn't be needed. Yes? But what about when we use the phrase? What is our motivation and what is our value on what we say? Yep... the same. Actually this phrase can be helpful for our categorizing because we already know it's opinion and thus the speaker's best guess answer.

  Why do we use this phrase? Answered - because we really want to be able to offer our thoughts and yet not be held liable if we're wrong. Cowardly? No, I don't think so. Since everyone tends to have the same regard for the words that come after that phrase then no one is held accountable and it is heard and accepted for what it is. Our personal preference. Problems arise if, when we use the phrase and then provide our thoughts, and then expect the listener to follow our preference. My bias is that if you really want to give weight to what you say then you need to acknowledge this with the phrase: 'I believe you should (fill in the blank)' and then be willing to own up to any consequences from your advice. Granted it is always the other person's decision to follow what you suggested, but you do have some responsibility.

  But what do YOU do when you hear the phrase? Do what I initially suggested and simply add it as one more piece in your information cache on which to make your best decision? My suggestion would be to never simply disregard their opinion but certainly, regardless of the status of the person offering, do not follow it unthinkingly. Then again, I may be wrong...
 

Power

  Have you considered the word? Power is a relational word - it's always in terms of some thing... or someone. And... we all have power if only in our ability to give the power over us away. What is your power related to? And who or what has power over you? Is your interest piqued? (If so, with which Webster definition? Irritation? Curiosity?) Just so we all are understanding 'power' with the same definition, Webster's says: "...power is possession of control, authority, or influence over others." Do you feel you are powerful? In terms of what...???

   Another part of the definition of power is: the ability to use the power. The important point, to me, about power is whether or not the power is legitimate and who or what legitimized it. Nearly equally important is whether or not power is used effectively. When power isn't used effectively then most of the time it is either used to control (others, the situation) or it is a disaster that either is or is waiting to happen.  When power is used correctly then it is never an attempt to subvert others or put them in harm's way.  

  And you... are you seeking power? For what? Do you attempt to exert power over others? And which 'possession' do you have: authority or influence? Personally, I would prefer to have the form of power that is displayed as influence. In my observation, authority can be a transitory thing. Authority, if given by us, is one thing but if it is established on other outward factors then this can be taken away or changed from the person who initially had the 'authority'.
 
  My personal choice is 'power' based on influence. With this basis, an individual places their confidence in another person because of previous personal experience not power given by an outside party. If I personally have any power it would only be in this form. The underlying foundation for influence has to be integrity plus experience with the person exerting influence. This form of power is one in which the belief, thought is expressed but the people/person always retains the right of acceptance.

  My final thought on this subject is that if you don't believe in power or expressing it then I think you are living in a fool's paradise. If that sounds harsh, apology. But even babies' behavior demonstrates that on some level even they know power exists. Just watch adults reactions to a baby's cry or their smiles. Talk about power...

WRITER'S NOTE

     I've made another writing tweak.

     My blogs have been the 'feeding' or 'proving' source and ground for my books. All of my books have relied heavily on the blogs to provide the entries for 'YOU', 'The Blatant Christian' and 'Wonderings'. But from this point forward, this will be the exception rather than the rule.

     As a result, I will be splitting my writing time between the blog and the books. This means than my pace of posting every other day will not continue. But also, the books will only rarely be including the posts from the blog. Most of the blog posts will be more of the... what strikes my thinking at the moment / have you thought about (fill in the blank).

                                                                                                  Carolyn

Walking...

  I really love to walk. For me, it's invigorating and uplifting but then again... I go at my speed. Do you enjoy walking... and at whose speed? Most of my walks are simply that - a walk and I let the day lead me in the direction to go. It's not a purposeless walk but it isn't to a predetermined location either (except to return home eventually). Again for me, it's a time to let my mind wander and go where it wills without being confined in any way, so it typically is the prime time to discover new thoughts or a different perspective on a thought.

  You should know that where I live is a quiet place, conducive to those kinds of 'undirected' activities and not in a more citified locale. However, even if I did live in a more hustle and bustle place I would hope that it wouldn't stop my walking, cities do have to have parks, yes? But my point is that walking is a movement based activity that, for me, is always beguiling me to those new thinkings and new learnings. Walking's focus or activity, I've discovered, is something I can typically do whenever and wherever I am so inclined. 

  As delightful as the walk is for my cogitating time it is also an exhilaration to the senses. Seeing, up close and personal, God's creation is never boring and rarely the same - even if I take a familiar path. It is always surprising what I see, what new discoveries I can make on each walk. And walking means looking up and to the right and left... and sometimes behind. For me, it is never defined in terms of looking down. Then again, I'm not a person who delights in bugs but if you are, you definitely will find them. 

  Walking does beg the question of whether you are walking alone or with someone. You? Personally I'm always walking with someone. Yes, sometimes it is another person but always I've got my life's companion, Jesus, with me. You have no idea, unless you do the same, how important this is. Granted I didn't always realize that He was with me, but when I look back I can see His footprints besides mine unless He is carrying me. Regardless, He is there. Then again... He said He would be.
 

Where to start???

  Do you feel a tad overwhelmed and uncertain as to where to start and how to start (fill in the blank). No, not the 'typical' or usual problems, issues, and challenges; the more essential and critical one of 'self improvement' - however you define this. The somewhat obvious and yet unhelpful comment would be - right where you are! Well... yes, but what does that mean? Granted that we are all on a road of self discovery and self improvement and that we are all in a state of 'becoming' - precisely WHAT are we suppose to be doing? Not just the 'what' but how do we start?

  Do you ever feel like that? I suspect we all have and all have experienced this wobbly and slightly unsteady place. However, knowing that others have and do experience something similar does not help when you are in this predicament. Now what? Not just extraction from the feelings and knowledge but how to correct or improve what needs to be done is the focus. And while the response that everyone has these times gives a sense of relief - it still doesn't resolve the issue. We all face these times and should have learned what we need to do to not just escape but to capitalize on this time.

  A more 'logical' start would be to examine what brought you to this state? What caused you to consider self-improvement/growth? Something had to be occurring in your world that caused you to wonder. Perhaps a dissatisfaction with who you are now? Maybe a lack of growth in yourself that you sense? I've always discovered that when I began considering the 'beginning' then I typically had the correct direction to begin my start. However I've also discovered that I really can't simply rely on past paths to be only an escape. I need to attend to the issues that precipitated this state.

  Just like about everything else in our lives, becoming or self-improvement - the more essential life question's is a never ending journey of discovery. We can choose not to follow that road but our own sense of dissatisfaction will only increase when we do. There is always a price to pay to  discover but I believe that the price we pay when we don't is unbearable. And our 'where to start' is staring is in the face. Yes, it is right where you are but it's also who you are and what you want from life. Those answers will lead you to your start.

Good things take time...

  Wish I had said that - I'm quoting an unknown source. But what a great mindset! In our lives of instant everything, many times the 'good' does take time. Will we wait till it materializes or whine off? Or does it depend on the eventual 'good things'? 'Good' may be a word that demands personal definition but it is also a relative word. What may be viewed as important, as something to be attained today may be 'old' tomorrow. Remember though, it is the eternal things, the truly essential things that can earn the title of 'good'. The transitory 'good' is typically a want, a desire not a need.

  No, 'transitory good' doesn't make it bad - but it's another case of putting the accent on the wrong syl-lable. What we should be seeking, what we should label as 'good' are not those things that can be bought but those qualities of character. Sound boring? Not. Anytime you spend the time working on becoming, on being a better you is worth the time and effort. You are always worth the time it will take you to grow, to realize who you are and what you are able to become. But only you can do the work, take the time to grow into that better you. Don't think it won't take work - it will!

  Perhaps it's time for you to identify, if you haven't, what you consider to be the 'good things'. Are they always ... things? Do you only look at the tangible as your focus for good? However, for a moment consider just things - do you wait for them to emerge? Or do you decide you have other 'things' on your plate that you don't have the time or energy to wait for the 'good'? But what about time? Time often does need to occur before the good can be complete. And now relevance merges as the basic criteria to consider.

  And to answer the 'things' question - of course the good isn't limited to only the tangible. And I suspect you do take the time for them as well... to a point. Soooo, is this just a not so subtle way of saying that we are an impatient people living in an instant gratification time? Yes and no. I am saying we need to take another look at this aspect of our lives because we are hammered with it constantly. And I am also saying that the truly important things, the essential and eternal things need to have a larger role in our lives. But that we also need to realize that in the less tangible areas, it takes time. We are a 'becoming' creation and God isn't finished with us yet. Have His patience with yourself.

...and now for something entirely different...

  This is one of those thoughts that pushed its way into the forefront and demands to be heard. So, I'm giving it voice. If you're looking to see where this post fits, I think you'd be wasting your time. Also, I'm certain that you've done something like this before, but maybe not with the process I'm using. First, find paper and pencil and number down the left side of the page from 1 to 10, leaving a space between the numbers. Next, make 3 columns and titled them: Like, Dislike, Willing to Work on.

  Now the process. List one characteristic or quality that you Like about yourself. In the next column list one that you don't like. And in the final column list something you are or are willing to work on to be that better you. You cannot move on until you follow that sequencing in order. No, you can't just list all the things you like or dislike about yourself. You can't move on to the next number (and, by the way, this is not a listing in order of importance - it's what you say about yourself right now as it strikes your thinking) nor can you jump around from a like to a work on and then a dislike - sequential, in order. To give you a quick example to get you started, I'll use myself: a Like would be that I'm a good listener, a Dislike would be that I am quite impatient, and a Willing to Work on would be that I will attempt to not place unstated expectations on others.
~~~
  OK, now that you've done your lists, what picture do you see of yourself that emerges? Did you have trouble coming up with 10 things and had to stop midway through? Did you subconsciously or overtly rank order them? In looking at your lists, what is the strongest Like for you about you? Strongest Dislike? How do both of these lists describe your who? Is there a Like or Dislike or Work on you feel is not included? Can, will you, as the song says: accent the positive and eliminate the negative? Is it worth it to you?

  First things first was for you to see the words you use to identify and describe who you think you are - strengths and weaknesses. Next is to look at how you can maximize your strengths, but probably more important is your Willing to Work on list. Will you work on any of those qualities? Point being that you should never work on more that one at a time because it does take time to become a better you. But once you are on your way with one, add a new one into the mix. Always remember... you are constantly in a state of becoming but it's up to you to be willing to grow, to change, to improve. God's not done with you yet... are you?

Your World and Others

  In your travels, it is always your decision as to who you let into your world. As you pass by others, you can ignore them, smile politely and go your way, or you can invite them and their world into yours. The decision to extend the invitation is always in your hands (as is the decision of whether you will enter anyone else's world). Whether to extend an invitation rests on: your level of confidence in you in your world, your purpose in inviting - what you expect to get as a result of the invitation, and your ability to accept if the other person declines/rejects your invitation.

  I should probably give a more extensive definition of  'your world'. Yes it is where you live your life and who and what populates it. But this is a further refinement - I'm talking about the more private and personal world that surrounds who you are and who you are becoming. It includes those plans, activities, learnings that give you meaning and those people who have earned your trust. And you typically guard this world closely. This world is not necessarily apparent to the naked eye but it typically is suspicioned by others that there is more to you than meets the eye.

  Your personal world is always what you allow to populate it but it is also an awareness of what you won't allow in. And it 'looks like' precisely what you want to see. However, it isn't totally a place in the mind. There is always activity that goes on that is intellectual but there are other actions and expressions. Your personal world is real - it's not fantasy. It's where you enjoy spending your 'personal' time so this typically defines this world as a time and place away from work.

  Your world is where you and those you trust can talk and discuss what's happening in the other world that also impacts. Sometimes it the place where you can develop new strategies and new ways of thinking and acting to make 'the other world' more inviting. The others in this world are those people who trust you and like you though they will also tell you if they think you're not acting in your own best interest. A refuge? A sanctuary? Possibly. But the more you allow your private world to aid you in the 'real' world the more it will be an asset for the times of struggle. It is important to guard your personal world, but not to the point that you squeeze the life out of it.

Musing and Wandering

  When you are on your road to wherever you are going do you ever have (or take) time to just muse and wander? I really believe that these two are mates. It's difficult to muse when you need to be task oriented and wandering does require the time to enjoy. Ergo - there's a relationship. Rush, hurry are two words that do not exist in wandering and musing times. This is the time to enjoy and to see what's around you. In the back of your mind you always know where you are and how to get to where you need to be... when you need to. But this is the time to learn more about yourself, life, what you want, etc. Musing really is a very proactive word but it's for then not now.

  Musing gives me space. It allows me to let the thoughts and ideas 'materialize' at their own pace and with the learnings that they can teach. But musing also allows you to discard whatever isn't relevant to you at this point. I'm a firm believer that if you realllllly need to know, then they will reassert themselves at a different time. Simultaneously, musing allows you to 'think outside the box' to resolve other issues in your world. Musing is both art and practice. You need to give yourself permission to take the time to muse.

  Wandering embodies some of the same attributes that musing does. While being aware of your surroundings it allows you to simply walk enjoying what's in your view. My preference is that this be a 'my' time rather than with company so that I can let my mind wander too. I believe that it is in these times of 'uncensored' walking that resolution to all different types of issues we are facing can emerge from the noise of all the information and thoughts. Wandering is an act that involves our senses of seeing and hearing what's around as well as what's in front of us.

  As I said earlier, musing (and by my definition, wandering) is for then, not now. But it's up to you to take/find the time for this. It will never intrude. If you don't activate this, if you don't take the opportunity then it truly is your loss. If nothing else it will provide some time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday living and sometimes we need that time in order to process what's actually happening. We need the time for a new or different perspective to the issues we are facing. This is the greatest potential for the musing and wandering - you'll never regret taking the time. I would suggest you might want to do this sooner than later.

do you take the time?

Partiality

  We do show partiality. We may not want to, but... we do. No one is exempted - regardless of whether or not we want to believe and/or act partial - we do. Sometimes it's not done on a conscious level, but it is done. The fascinating part in this is that the 'categories' we esteem are rarely those determined on a conscious level by ourselves, it's been handed down (from whom?) through the ages. Typically there is a subtle granting of esteem to someone or withholding it from someone else based on their attaining a level of 'competence' in one of those categories. Why? Why do we do this? What benefit do we gain from this behavior?

  Though we may not share all the same categories, we still do share some of them. Examples: fame, wealth, prestige (which is usually based on one of the first two listed), others' opinions of the person. Perhaps it's a more esoteric category such as education or career. Regardless... we do show partiality. We grant them more influence and attention. And this is displayed in our behavior from fawning to accepting their opinion. It's also interesting that we can see this behavior in others but rarely in ourselves.

  Esteem that you grant to someone else that is based on your experience with them is an entirely different situation. When it is a personal involvement then the foundation for your esteem is totally different than some arbitrary, external determination. Their 'earning' your trust is one of the top categories and this one alone trumps all of the other areas of determination. If the person isn't trusted then you may listen to what they say but you take it with a grain of salt.

  Partiality appears to be a given but it doesn't need to govern. How we respond to those we are partial TO and those we are partial NOT TO goes a long way in determining who we are. It IS another character issue. If we allow ourselves to really consider what the 'not to' person is saying we control our partiality. But we also need to do the same to the 'to' people. It is the spirit in you that should determine the validity of what's said. Blindness in either case can cause us to fall... flat.

... givens and governs

Journey's End

  This is different than the end of a journey, because a new journey always beckons as one ends. What I'm talking about is the final end. If you were to stop where you are right now and know that you were finally at the end... what would you expect to see, to find? What would you see in terms of what you've accomplished? More important - what kind of person have you become. Do you like you? Those who dare to look at their road, their life... their journey with this mindset are to be commended. Those who dare will be able to see and not just 'hope'. And in seeing, they can make adjustments before the journey does end.

  It takes courage to look at where we are and even more to look at who we are. But those who do dare can change, can become all they want or need in order to impact their 'end'. Regardless, to do 'something' does require courage and a heighten awareness of what you are doing and why plus what's around you, especially other people. My particular learning has been that regardless of other's reactions to me, if I'm not pleased with me it isn't relevant. In fact... I tend to not hear other's positive comments about me when I'm not in a place where I can't acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses.

  No one really knows when their journey will end. Some people are given a timeline by someone else, like a doctor, but only God knows when the journey ends. But what a blessing we have when we stop and take the time to consider our journey and if we are accomplishing those eternal things we need (want?) to. As scripture tells us - the carnal will pass away and only the eternal will last. When we consider what we have done and where we are... right now... regardless of age, is it 'good'? And if it isn't, are we willing to do whatever needs to be done in order to be in alignment to be our best?

  The Journey's End doesn't need to be a fearful thought. It is the natural progression. And it will come to pass. For those who have accepted Jesus as Lord, it's merely a transition from here to heaven. It's not fearful. Paul says it best when he talks about the dilemma of being here, to touch others and bring them to a saving knowledge, or there, to be with the Lord. Quite honestly I don't know what someone who doesn't have this foundation feels - empty would be a guess, certainly not comfortable or confident in their end's transition.

...

Sharing...

is a learned behavior. I'm not totally convinced that we spontaneously and unconditionally share. I also am not convinced that we all share the same definition of 'share'. However, I do believe there is a predisposition with some people that they will share without expecting a 'payback'. Unfortunately, too often if we share we expect some form of quid pro quo. And, when or if this doesn't happen then our tendency to share becomes less spontaneous and less 'free'. So... what's your view of sharing? And do you expect a 'return' on your sharing from others? And if your answer to the last question is 'yes' then look at your motives to share. Yes, harsh.

  First, do you enjoy sharing? Does it give you pleasure to share (fill in the blank) with others? Do you feel coerced to share - that you would prefer not to? Or maybe you feel that you don't have a choice of what you share, with whom, and when? These latter three components are critical to a sharing behavior. Example: too often children are 'forced' to share (their toys) with others and this will be played out in their adulthood attitude. Though the intent is positive, it is often presented with no understanding. This is my primary reason why I believe sharing has to be taught. But I would also contend we need to know our definition of the word and not assume everyone believes the same.

  When you, the adult, take the time to teach a child all of the whats and whyfores of sharing then this foundation will also translate into their adult years. But what IS the purpose of sharing? How do you portray this to others? Is it apparent in your adulthood? It rarely is the obvious components of sharing such as work related accomplishment of goals and objectives that are necessary, sharing is part of the accomplishment of tasks. Simultaneously, it is the personal parts of who you are that typically are privately held. Most people only share these elements with those who have earned their trust.

  If you are the type of person who thoroughly enjoys sharing then you are a rare person! At least the people I've observed or am familiar with seem more reserved. Whichever the end (or middle) of the continuum you find yourself on, the point is to not feel guilty about what you share of you and with whom. Sharing has to be a choice. My only caveat is don't let your experience totally dictate. Sharing our own personal dreams and hopes can be very liberating as long as we don't always expect others to share those dreams and hopes, or aid in our attainment.

sharing? or ...