If you Say it... Do you do it?

  As a writer, you sometimes Know (capital K) when a thought is going to turn into a post or become part of the next book. This was very true for me with this title (so, it's a both/and). Honestly, there are times that I believe that my primary 'writer skill' is as a kind of scribe. Some of the things I've written are far more than just me. And with some I learn as I write. With this particular title, it will be both a blog post as well as part of the next book.

  The question is not an unusual question, but it certainly is one that speaks volumes about your character. Related to this, in my beginning steps as a Christian there was a scripture that literally jumped off the page for me, Matthew 12:36-37:

     "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will
      give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you 
      will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

I realize I've written about this scripture, spoken by Jesus, before but it is a sobering statement that calls us to be more than merely casually aware. It deserves to be contemplated and self-determined. When we say something, will we follow through and do it? We need to remember that what we say is truly like a rock thrown into a body of water that then sends out ripples in all directions. That's the potentiality of words. And when you add this to character... a very potent situation. A '...but that's not what I meant/intended...' is no excuse.

  A somewhat related scripture or 'condition' to this scripture is:

     "...Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.
      But he who doubts is condemned... whatever is not from faith is
      sin." (Romans 14:22-23)

A serious argument could be given that I am taking this scripture, spoken by Paul, out of context since Paul was giving a lesson on eating. Somehow, I don't think so. The example may have been eating but the lesson is doubt, faith and sin. Condemnation and approval become the emotional checks on doubt and faith. And You are the subject and verb.

  All this is not said to make us censor our words and thoughts - the point is to be aware and conscious of them and the impact. And, equally important, are we only speakers or do we do? In another place in scripture it tells us that our Yes should be 'yes' and our No, 'no' (Matthew 5:37). Are we wobblers? Do we change what we say dependent upon who last spoke to us? Do we have the faith to act on our 'sayings'? How do we present ourselves?

  Being a wordsmith, my mindset is to not use words lightly. I believe I was brought up to say what I thought, mindful of the ramifications but to not present the thought as the only viable option. And yes, I do fail at this - but the lesson has not been lost. Words paint pictures, they can lead, they can stunt growth; all dependent upon how the thought is presented. They also make a strong statement about who you are. The question - do you follow through on your words? When you say them, do you do them? 
   

TRUST

  Such a Big word. Typically, individually defined. But what are the characteristic that you include in your definition? Trust has to be more than just a feeling, more than simply esoteric - we all need to have reasons based on our standards that define trust and give us clear understanding of when trust has been shattered (and not just hurt feelings). Trust is never something you casually extend to others - it is earned. Earning is the issue especially if it's been breached. Just as you should never cavalierly give trust to another, you should never quickly take it back.

  Earn. What is meant by this? One definition by Webster is, "...to deserve as a result of labor or service." The operable word is 'deserve'. Again, this is determined over time and experience - you have observed from the other person's words and actions that they are trustworthy. Reliable might be another adjective that explains and defines trust. The point is that you have a basis to determine that in your life, person A is one you can trust. Oddly enough, you don't have to 'like' the person, though typically they do operate together, the point is their 'believability'. 

  I know that believability isn't a word according to Webster, but it should be. Believability is previously observed behavior and words. Believability is consistent and congruent - a 'what you see is what you get'. And don't get caught in the negative words of stodgy and unchanging. You will know with the person who earns your trust that if they 'act out of character' there's a reason that you can discern or discover. 

  We all need to have at least one person in our lives that we trust (my definition), that is our go-to person when we need a sounding board. It really is true that no man is an island, none of us are the font of all wisdom. And, I suspect, that even if we were, we would still need another person in our lives that we can talk with, that hold our confidences, that are willing to share their best thinking without having their own personal agenda. Paragon of all virtue? Does sound like it and that's not possible. But I suspect we do know those who we can trust - if not in all things at all times, at least someone who tries to be a person of their word. Now... how about us? Are we believable, worthy of trust?

Promises

   I read an email from "Dayspring" as I started this thought. It said:

     "...With every New Year comes new promises we make to ourselves.
      ...Instead of self-promises, let's make some promises to God..."

This got me thinking about WHO we make promises to. Which led me to looking at our promises to each other and ourselves and promises to God. 

  Do you make promises quickly or easily? Do you keep them? How do you feel about you when your don't follow through? Do others make promises to you? Do they keep them? How does it make you feel when they don't keep them? What about your promises to yourself? Do they take on a paint brush dimension? This is defined as: to be 'better', to exercise or eat more nutritiously, to act 'kinder' - all of these paint brush promises unless there are concrete, 'measurable', accountable and attainable objectives they will always remain pie in the sky. 

  Though we may view or 'handle' promises lightly, they are no little thing. If made in haste or unthinking, you can find yourself in an uncomfortable position when you discover you may even had made contradictory promises that collide. There is also the issue that though you may have considered your promise lightly, the other person doesn't. What may have started out as a placating gesture is now a matter of principle. Now what?

  When you consider your promises made to God - do you follow through? Do you ever view promises in the same way God does? I believe that a promise is a vow. I would suspect that most people would not want to view their promises as vows because that only enhances the seriousness. Even Webster uses strong words to define vow: "... a serious promise to do something or to behave in a certain way... a solemn promise or assertion - specifically: one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition." (underlining mine). The synonyms are just as powerful: "oath, pledge, troth, promise, word".

  Whether or not you make promises quickly, consider them unbinding, or the opposite - they are important and serious. However, I would quickly suggest that it is the promises, vows we make to ourselves that get short shrift. If they are broken - no big thing, yes? Absolutely not! Our opinion of the promises or vows we make to ourselves should be considered as serious as any we make. It is these that form our refining of who we are and wish to become. It speaks more loudly of our attitude, our standards, and our character.

    In this discussion I haven't focused on answers but on the ramification that occur when you make promises. I did suggest how you need to think in responding to promises. However, how you respond is an individual determination but should never be considered as... no little thing.

I really haven't done anything...

  Do you ever feel like that? When you look at your life accomplishments do you immediately compare yourself to [fill in the blank) and think or feel you fall incredibly short? Perhaps you are waiting to 'be assigned'? That you are only marking time until you are somehow 'launched'? That you really haven't discovered who or what you are supposed to be and do?

  Perhaps the question is: How do you really assess yourself? Do you assess or do you compare? Assessment is always, by definition, involved with thinking about improvement or refining. Comparing really never focuses on those 'conditions' ... it focuses on what you've accomplished or not, especially in reference to others. Truth be told is that sometimes we never really see our impact - we really aren't invisible but we simply don't know.? If your role is as a seed planter the harvest time may not be yours to enjoy. If you are a harvester do recognize that seeds had to be planted and watered for the harvest to occur. Rarely do we have the joy of experiencing at one time all 3 - seeding, watering, and harvesting. 

  However, is there a different question? Are you hiding your gift? We all have the responsibility to discover our special and unique gifting and then... Do it! If you say you don't know yours then go discover it. It isn't hiding, avoiding, or evading you. Start at the place of what you enjoy, what excites you - what brings meaning to your life. We all have our special gifting built into our DNA. If you say that there are others who do it better than you...not the point. No one, other than you, can bring your own expression in quite the same way as you do. And the consequences of you not expressing is a terrible loss.

  When it refers to who you are and what you do, 'later' should never be a condition, a word of definition. Especially in the world we live in, everyone needs to act on who they are, where they are, and with what they have. Waiting really is not an option. If you truly believe you haven't 'done anything' (needs defining), then look at what's at your hand. What needs to be done that you can do? Glamorous or not, dramatic or not - none of that is important. Be-ing and Do-ing what you can do is what's important. Remember... God's in the little (undefined) 'things' as well. 

Required

     "...And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love 
     mercy, And to walk humbly with your God..."

Actually this scripture (Micah 6:8) is stated as a question. It is the voice of God speaking to His people as He pleads with Israel to return to Him. According to one source, God was looking for an ethical response from His Old Covenant people - "...Remain honest in all you do, cherish compassionate faithfulness, and commit yourself to live in submission to your God." (Spirit-filled NKJV) 

  So what does this have to do with you, now... living in the 21st century? Absolutely everything! Look around you and don't you see the same conditions existing in today's society with the same need for repentance and restoration? What would happen, regardless of how society appears to be, if each of us would act on these three charges? Could each of us change the world we live in by being and doing justly, mercifully, walking with our God? And no, I don't mean becoming a doormat to others - nowhere is that a condition. To stand boldly for these three components takes courage, takes a no compromise attitude, and takes an enormous amount of love.

  Required is a strong word, brooking no misunderstanding. You may not like or agree with what's required, but you can't say you don't know or understand. When you look at God's words about what's required - where's the problem? Why is this so very difficult? Is it because we think we know best? Is it because we think no one else would follow the requirements? The answer is probably 'yes' to both. We humans think we can do or accomplish everything on our own strength or with others helping us. When it comes to eternal issues - we are rarely in the position of acting justly, mercifully, and with the Lord apart from a relationship with Him.

  We are as stiff-necked a nation as the Old Testament nations ever thought about being. We continue to rely on what we see, think, feel, 'know', etc. Too often we eliminate what's required if it gets in the way of accomplishing whatever it is we want to accomplish. I believe that part of the reality is that we truly cannot do what is required apart from a relationship with the Lord. Realizing that this is a 'given', why do we continue to try? What is it that we believe we can do that will endure apart from a relationship? Then again, it could be argued that long-term is not in our thinking - it's a me and mine now, thinking.

  When you take a look at the three requirements, they really aren't onerous. They are complete. But, they can't be accomplished apart from the Lord's involvement with us. They take us to a new and higher dimension of relationship with the Lord. They become our standard of conduct - honesty, compassion faithfulness, and submission to the Lord. What stops us from accepting these requirements in our lives?
  

Surrender

   What does this word really mean? Giving in? Giving up? Having your dreams, hopes, desires trampled on or discarded? I don't think so. But I do believe it is critically important to know what your definition is because how you define it for yourself may not be how it should be defined. 

  If you use the world's definition, Webster: 

     "agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that 
      you will not win or succeed; to give the control or use of (something) 
      to someone else; to allow something (such as a habit or desire) to 
      influence or control you..."  

To me, those are all give ups or ins - all beyond your ability to effect so you might as well not continue. This implies that there is nothing positive in how you proceed so take the simplest way out. Loss. Is this the frame of reference you hear in your head when you hear the word, 'surrender'? 

   What if there was another definition, a position that wasn't give ups or ins but of a positive application? There was, is a phrase that Christians like to use - 'let go and let God'. I believe that this relates to surrender and helps define the word. Circumstances can blind us, they can dictate what it is we see, and from that, can do. When we turn to the Lord and ask Him to be our Lord, to be our Master then this is a totally different perspective of what surrender is and does.

  Granted you may feel that you no longer are in control - but, you are. You still have the option, decision and ultimate responsibility to allow the Lord to lead you; to abide by His precept and standards; to become your best you in the day. We are never forced to agree to His Lordship, this is a free choice. And if you think this is a walk in the park, don't be deceived. Be-ing and Do-ing what surrender defines is a daily moment-by-moment, conscious choice. But the more you act this way, the easier it becomes.

  Make a mistake? Slip? Get angry? Of course - we all do. The point is that when we do something we really regret and realize this - run to Him, not from Him. He knows. He forgives. It isn't grovelling, it's repenting and then continuing. An entirely different definition and mindset. Surrendering is not defeat when we surrender to the One who cares for us. Remember, you don't always have to be right when you follow the One who is always right.

Dialogue

  I am a card-carrying member of the 'Dialoguers' (of course that isn't an actual organization but it defines those who tend to be in dialogue with whoever and whatever (defined as books, or the radio/TV, etc.) is 'there'). I do find that I fit quite easily into that category. I much prefer dialogue, iron-sharpening-iron to pontificating (regardless of who may be doing it). Dialoguing is an act that involves listening as well as speaking, that is learning based - though sharing your discoveries is definitely part of this definition. Listening is critical because if you don't allow the other person to finish their thought you may be responding to the 'wrong' comment.

  When I was teaching in college, my first 'lecture' often started with a statement that I expected the students to share in the teaching/learning environment/'contract' even if their part, initially, was only asking questions. My bias has always been that my 'job' was to teach students to ask questions rather than giving them answers. Anyone can 'teach' from the framework of providing details, facts, information but it is far more beneficial to start from the premise that the importance was helping students to learn to ask questions - then they could discover the answer.

  Involved in this activity is always dialogue. Dialogue provides the framework to share what is known, what has been learned and to test this understanding against what others know and have learned. Sometimes the dialogue confirms what you think and believe and sometimes it calls into question what you think you know and believe. Now the test of a student. How do you react to someone who believes quite contrary to what you believe and supports it with the same information that you do?!

  Many times the discovery is one of semantics - that you may be using the same words but have different definitions or using different words but have the same definitions. This is the excitement of dialoguing! And it is the foundation for learning, discovering, and understanding.  Depending on your attitude and how you resolve conflict, dialogue is the greatest opportunity to learn. It allows you to refine what you believe. It supports your thinking or leads you into further discovery. Dialoguing is really all it's cracked up to be.

Patching

  Do you have an issue with patches? Are you finding yourself putting on patches (or Band Aids?) over certain aspects, sins(?), weaknesses you see in your life? Do you ever have the time to return to those patches to resolve, build up, eliminate (fill in the blank) or do you simply hope that your patches will hold? They won't you know. At the least opportune time the patch will spring a leak... And now what?

  One of the problems with patches is that they never last because it rarely is a good fit, it's a temporary solution not a permanent one. (The definition of a patch.) And you really shouldn't be surprised when this happens... but we always are. In some cases, the scab under the patch pushes it away. Too graphic? Possibly but the point I'm making is that patches are just that - a temporary fix or protection for/to an ow-ie. It never is designed to be permanent.

  Forcing this analogy a bit further... when you get a scrape or whatever that requires a patch, do you clean the ow-ie first? You should. Most scrapes and scratches always have attending to be done prior to putting on the patch or you may infect the problem. When it comes to spiritual issues, this is also important and relevant. Something happened that caused the problem so you need to look at what happened that now requires a patch and deal with those issues first.

  Perhaps you think that what I've been talking about is just so much gibberish and completely inapplicable to you and your spiritual issues, questions. It's not. In some respects it's more important because it's the process that you need to understand. You need to consider what has caused the need for a patch, you need to clean the area, medication need (?), etc. The focus is healing and a return to health which will require an analysis of what caused you to be in the need of a patch so that you don't repeat the behavior in the future.

  When do you take off the patch? You'll know. When you've learned what you need to know, at least at this point in your growth. When you've discovered the most effective way of when, where, and how long to use a patch - remember, it's not a permanent part. When you're 'ready' to move on, knowing that the removal of a patch will be momentarily painful but also a powerful learning. As you can see... patches are important and they are an aid. But they are also external to you.

Beyond the Tithe

  So, you're a 'good' person trying to follow all the principles of the Lord that help develop you into a mature and effective person. Yes? And, you believe in tithing so you make certain that you tithe from your income. Yes? Now... what about the other areas of your life? Do you tithe them as well? Do you tithe your time, your gift, your you? And if you respond that you didn't read that in scripture, then does this also identify the 'type' of Christian you are? I would argue that we can all give beyond the tithe and that it more than only money.

  Maybe this is just my interpretation or quirk, but I believe that we are responsible to tithe not just money but those other 'talents' of our lives. Not scriptural? Possibly... but maybe if we began thinking of all those ways in which we could also give we would be a more effective us. I'm not suggesting that you become obsessive about everything, but is it wrong to think about giving as more than financial? That a tithe is the beginning not the end of the process?

  If all we do is give our 10% of the money we receive, is that sufficient? Perhaps not intentionally but it does result in becoming satisfied with only the financial tithe. There are countless numbers of people who really struggle with trying to tithe financially but give in countless other ways, giving sacrificially of their time and talents though not considering their time and other resources of their lives as a tithe.  

  Do not get into comparing what you have with someone else nor condemning yourself or another if they don't tithe all. I know I'm sounding harsh and accusatory but I'm not pointing fingers (because if I did there would be 4 fingers pointed back to me). This is an area that I've struggled with as well - the how and what. Finally, I think I've discovered my response - to do whatever is at hand to the best of my ability. I try and be open and available to 'tithe' what I am and have. 

  I would also argue that a 'tithe' is an understanding we each have to discover and define. Scripture does talk about this in both the Old and New Testaments so it must be a concept that's important. I do know that by tithing we give access to the Father to also work in our lives. Not completely understanding this because I know He is always available. I just keep remembering His words in Malachi 3: beginning in verse 8:

     "Will a man rob God? Yet you have robbed Me! But you say, 'In what 
      way have we robbed You?' In tithes and offerings..."

See... there is something beyond the tithe - offerings.

     

Caught in grief

  A friend was recently going through a time of intense loss, resulting in a great deal of grief. All of us have times in our lives that are marked with a depth of grief that can surprise us. Actually, I find the times of being blindsided by memories that can come as a complete surprise, the most difficult. Point is, if the person was important in your life, you shouldn't be surprised. A smell, a song, a taste, all sorts of things can trigger the memories causing a re-emergence of grief.

  Anyone who tells you to, "...get over it!" has no idea of either the depth of your relationship with the person or a sense that everyone has their own internal time that determines how long one may be grief stricken. Yet... their words, regardless of how they are spoken, are also true. The point may be in HOW we express our grief... how publicly and how emotional. And also whether we have allowed the grief to express itself or control us. Yes you need to allow yourself to express what you feel but after a certain amount of time (have no idea what length is 'proper'), you do need to 'move on'. Life does move on. And no, that doesn't mean you should forget the person.

  Face the reality that you will get blindsided at times. But don't let the grief control you... allow yourself to remember the positives and all the good. Grief can control but at some point you have to resume living and that also means resume the control over your own life. Would the person you are grieving want you to continue to live in the past? Of course not. You honor them the best if you do move on and live a life that demonstrates your best you. (And not inconsequentially - how they have impacted your life.)

  Being caught in grief is a given. How you respond is who you are and how you go about being you. Initially it will be difficult but then let the relationship you experience become the foundation of how you go about allowing people into your life. You won't have the same relationship as you experienced with the person no longer with you but some of the aspects of the relationship can be replicated or used as some kind of 'desired' standard. In some ways being caught in grief is always your choice of how you choose to honor that other person and your relationship.