According to a recent article I read, the number one reason people church hop or leave their church, whether or not they can articulate this, is that they no longer feel spiritually fed and fulfilled. The real reason is that they no longer feel the church they are attending is encountering God anymore. How tragic! My belief is that encountering God is not only a Sunday morning at church mindset and action, and should be what happens daily and be personal.
But, I would also argue that spiritually fed and fulfilled cuts both ways. Are 'they' (we) bringing God to church with them? Where is their responsibility? If you think the last questions are insensitive or not the point, I think they are. Since the body is the church then isn't it up to the body to make certain that God is invited into being involved in the life of the church? Is the responsibility only that of the church 'leadership' and pastor(s)? What are YOU doing about your church? And it does need to be more than merely greeting people at the service.
I would also suggest that part of the problem is in the identifying and defining what 'spiritually fed and fulfilled' is. This tends to be a very personal definition, regardless of whether the definer even does this and probably isn't a universally held definition/description. Too often this is couched in affective words such as 'feeling', which has multiple definitions. But it is a sense that 'there's something missing'. This last point that 'something's missing' is a valid component in the assessing. Again - are you doing anything about being spiritually fed or are you sitting back expecting 'it' to happen?
If we accept that the church isn't spiritually feeding and fulfilling people, what IS it doing? You can't simply say what isn't happening without identifying what is. If it is to provide the... atmosphere(?) so that the goal of a spiritually fed and fulfilled congregation occurs, this seems to miss the point. Everyone needs to feel and experience fed and fulfilled but we have to come with the attitude and conviction we are involved in the process - not the focus. Remember that God is the focus.
I would suggest we look at what our services should emphasize - praise and worshiping our God, learn who we are as Christians and how we can go about being His hand in our world, and consider how Paul defined services - when we come together (1Corinthians 14:26). Again we get into the issue of defining and determining responsibility - and discovering our individual roles that need to occur for all to be and feel fed and fulfilled.
Monday, September 28, 2015
Friday, September 25, 2015
To the least
Perhaps it's time to stop looking only at what you aren't doing, especially compared to what others are doing and start considering what you are doing. What are YOU doing to fulfill the The Great Commission? Are you doing more? less? different from? what you were doing yesterday? last month? last year? If you aren't doing all you can, will you? Remember, the only person you should compare yourself to is... you.
I would also argue that the 'do' has to have a context. The Great Commission is the purpose and goal, but what you do may not be what someone else does. Never forget the scripture that talks about some plant, some water, and some reap (John 4:35-38, 1 Corinthians 3:6-7). What you do is needed, necessary, and never - just a little thing. You just need to do what you do!!!
I would also argue that the 'do' has to have a context. The Great Commission is the purpose and goal, but what you do may not be what someone else does. Never forget the scripture that talks about some plant, some water, and some reap (John 4:35-38, 1 Corinthians 3:6-7). What you do is needed, necessary, and never - just a little thing. You just need to do what you do!!!
“... inasmuch as you did it to one of the
least of these My brethren,
you did it to Me.” (Matthew 25:40)
you did it to Me.” (Matthew 25:40)
You do realize that Jesus is talking to us,
Christians, and referring to what we do/say to others, both encouragingly and
hurtfully? This entire chapter is talking about when we stand before Him in the
last day and what and who we were and what He will be considering as important (2 Corinthians 5:10). Before you assume that
you are woefully lacking remember how you touch lives.
Each day the people in our world: spouse, children, other customers or employees at the store we are shopping in, etc. – we, by what we say or do have an opportunity to be a blessing to them. As we encounter others, we can encourage them or discourage them. Bottom line... do you believe, in your heart of hearts, that you are doing all that you can? Granted, you could do more, but are you are doing what you can? If so... then take heart! When/If you can do ‘more’ then do so, but until then... do what’s at your hand that you can do!
[Note: I wrote most of this for my church's monthly newsletter, but I thought I would expand it and share here too.]
Each day the people in our world: spouse, children, other customers or employees at the store we are shopping in, etc. – we, by what we say or do have an opportunity to be a blessing to them. As we encounter others, we can encourage them or discourage them. Bottom line... do you believe, in your heart of hearts, that you are doing all that you can? Granted, you could do more, but are you are doing what you can? If so... then take heart! When/If you can do ‘more’ then do so, but until then... do what’s at your hand that you can do!
[Note: I wrote most of this for my church's monthly newsletter, but I thought I would expand it and share here too.]
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
5.5 hours!
We're all aware of the fact that there is only 24 hours in the day. Just as an 'interesting' exercise, let's look at this a moment. The math:
1. If you work outside the home then, typically, at least 8 hours is spent at your place of employment. You have to get to and from home which can be as little as 15 minutes up to over an hour+ in larger cities. To be generous and 'universal' let's say it takes you an additional hour for both the to and from. 9 hours utilized. Remaining: 15 hours.
(However, if you are a 'house spouse' there is no remaining time since you are involved in all the tasks that surround this role - 24/7/365.)
2. Then there's sleep - something that many of us feel we don't get enough of due to our tossing and turning. However, let's do the average of 8 hours. We've now utilized 17 hours. Remaining: 7 hours.
3. Eating and preparing the food, is another activity we engage in daily - 3 meals: being very skimpy let's say 30 minutes each preparing and consuming another 1.5 hours, unless we go out to eat which will add more time, but minimally = 18.5 hours used. Remaining: 5.5 hours.
5.5 hours, does this sound like a lot? Really? 5.5 hours to do all those things you actually may want to do and/or the 'things' you have to do. I've only included the major areas of time-use in our day, but this only begins the process of looking at how we use our time. Let's face it - we all also waste time, but ignoring this... what exactly do we do with the (maximum) 5.5 hours? What would you want to do?
Faced with this choice many tend to do a 'rob Peter to pay Paul'. You pick those tasks and activities that really can't be put off and ignore the rest. It is understandable but rarely effective because at some point you really do have to 'pay Peter'... but at what expense? No choice? Somehow I question this because you are the one choosing to do what, when.
At some point you really are going to have to say, "Enough!" I can't add any thing else to my schedule. One thing you have to remember is that this issue will never go away until you face it. And it is never simple because in every situation that you say 'yes' to... you'll have to say 'no' to something else. I suspect people-pleasers have the most problem.
Just as an aside - the Lord is not the one you should ever say - 'later' to or 'I don't have time to pray/study'. Quite honestly, the time you intentionally spend with Him is far more important. However... it is your life to be lived in the manner you choose. I'm simply presenting the math and indicating one area that I believe should never be short changed.
1. If you work outside the home then, typically, at least 8 hours is spent at your place of employment. You have to get to and from home which can be as little as 15 minutes up to over an hour+ in larger cities. To be generous and 'universal' let's say it takes you an additional hour for both the to and from. 9 hours utilized. Remaining: 15 hours.
(However, if you are a 'house spouse' there is no remaining time since you are involved in all the tasks that surround this role - 24/7/365.)
2. Then there's sleep - something that many of us feel we don't get enough of due to our tossing and turning. However, let's do the average of 8 hours. We've now utilized 17 hours. Remaining: 7 hours.
3. Eating and preparing the food, is another activity we engage in daily - 3 meals: being very skimpy let's say 30 minutes each preparing and consuming another 1.5 hours, unless we go out to eat which will add more time, but minimally = 18.5 hours used. Remaining: 5.5 hours.
5.5 hours, does this sound like a lot? Really? 5.5 hours to do all those things you actually may want to do and/or the 'things' you have to do. I've only included the major areas of time-use in our day, but this only begins the process of looking at how we use our time. Let's face it - we all also waste time, but ignoring this... what exactly do we do with the (maximum) 5.5 hours? What would you want to do?
Faced with this choice many tend to do a 'rob Peter to pay Paul'. You pick those tasks and activities that really can't be put off and ignore the rest. It is understandable but rarely effective because at some point you really do have to 'pay Peter'... but at what expense? No choice? Somehow I question this because you are the one choosing to do what, when.
At some point you really are going to have to say, "Enough!" I can't add any thing else to my schedule. One thing you have to remember is that this issue will never go away until you face it. And it is never simple because in every situation that you say 'yes' to... you'll have to say 'no' to something else. I suspect people-pleasers have the most problem.
Just as an aside - the Lord is not the one you should ever say - 'later' to or 'I don't have time to pray/study'. Quite honestly, the time you intentionally spend with Him is far more important. However... it is your life to be lived in the manner you choose. I'm simply presenting the math and indicating one area that I believe should never be short changed.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
What IS Who
Did you get swept along by the argument that, '...it isn't who I am, it's what I do'? I know I did. I did make allowances that there were some 'things' (not identified but definitely difficult and outside the acceptable) and actions that were not a definition of the person but of the required (?) action. This really is so much nonsense. This really smacks of 'the end justifies the means'. What happens to standards? What happens to character in this particular philosophy? It gets trashed.
I would counter the phrase with the argument that if the behavior was not an indication, definition of the person's 'who', that the 'what' will begin to assume the status of definition... and change (?) the who. It's unavoidable. But why would you even consider the 'what' if it isn't who or how you define yourself? And why would you allow what you do as who you are becoming if it isn't a tenant in your beliefs? Perhaps it is an issue of how you do your what? Regardless, if there is no congruence between who you are and what you do, then you are, minimally, conflicted.
We all have control over how we act and react, when and where, when we accept responsibility for ourselves. No one really has control over us unless we give it to them. The questions: how much are we willing to pay to allow others to define us or allow what we do to define us? The answers are never lightly determined nor accepted. But they are equally unavoidable. We must look at what we do as how we define who we are (and no one said this would be simple.)
No choice? Nonsense. We always have choices. We may not like being put in the position of having to choose, of having to act on what we believe. It isn't simple and it isn't automatic. In some areas of our lives what we do is a deliberate determination. If 'what' is not 'who' you want to be remembered then consider your epitaph - how would you want to be remembered. The words that will be remembered are those that define your character. If what is not who you want to be then it is in your hands to change.
I would counter the phrase with the argument that if the behavior was not an indication, definition of the person's 'who', that the 'what' will begin to assume the status of definition... and change (?) the who. It's unavoidable. But why would you even consider the 'what' if it isn't who or how you define yourself? And why would you allow what you do as who you are becoming if it isn't a tenant in your beliefs? Perhaps it is an issue of how you do your what? Regardless, if there is no congruence between who you are and what you do, then you are, minimally, conflicted.
We all have control over how we act and react, when and where, when we accept responsibility for ourselves. No one really has control over us unless we give it to them. The questions: how much are we willing to pay to allow others to define us or allow what we do to define us? The answers are never lightly determined nor accepted. But they are equally unavoidable. We must look at what we do as how we define who we are (and no one said this would be simple.)
No choice? Nonsense. We always have choices. We may not like being put in the position of having to choose, of having to act on what we believe. It isn't simple and it isn't automatic. In some areas of our lives what we do is a deliberate determination. If 'what' is not 'who' you want to be remembered then consider your epitaph - how would you want to be remembered. The words that will be remembered are those that define your character. If what is not who you want to be then it is in your hands to change.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
What’s YOUR best way to hear?
I would suggest that each of us have our own best way of hearing. Involved in hearing is the validity of what we do hear because we don't all hear in the same way, or even the same message. One point to remember is - how far removed from the source/subject of the message is the messenger? Remember the old 'gossip' game. Someone would whisper something in the ear of the person next to them, who would pass it on to the person next to them, and so on till the last person spoke the message out loud. This was often occasioned by a great deal of laughter since it was so different from what was originally said.
What you hear is influenced by many factors and not only the actual words. What you are feeling, how attentive you are to what is being said are two of those factors. Then there are the issues of semantics and definitions of words. How articulate the speaker was in the presentation of the message. How the message was conveyed (inflection, intonation, facial expression, etc.). These are some of the factors that influence and affect how and what we hear. But I would contend that YOU are the most significant factor in what you hear.
If we simply divide listening into two categories, audio or visual hearers, ... which are you? Do the words spoken paint a sufficient picture in your thinking to allow you understanding? Or, do you need an 'object lesson' basis to hear? Lastly, how do you react with/about what you heard? Do you apply your hearing, ignore it, or wait till you see how others are reacting? It is important, do you know what you do next?
When you know how best you hear then when messages are presented that don't adhere to your standard, you can make exceptions to your best in order to hear and respond to messages. Our responding to what we hear is important... as long as we let the speaker finish the entire message before we determine what we say or do next. This final point really underscores hearing and responding. It is critical that we let the speaker finish the thought rather than assume. It can be embarrassing if we finish their thought only to discover we got it the wrong way round.
What you hear is influenced by many factors and not only the actual words. What you are feeling, how attentive you are to what is being said are two of those factors. Then there are the issues of semantics and definitions of words. How articulate the speaker was in the presentation of the message. How the message was conveyed (inflection, intonation, facial expression, etc.). These are some of the factors that influence and affect how and what we hear. But I would contend that YOU are the most significant factor in what you hear.
If we simply divide listening into two categories, audio or visual hearers, ... which are you? Do the words spoken paint a sufficient picture in your thinking to allow you understanding? Or, do you need an 'object lesson' basis to hear? Lastly, how do you react with/about what you heard? Do you apply your hearing, ignore it, or wait till you see how others are reacting? It is important, do you know what you do next?
When you know how best you hear then when messages are presented that don't adhere to your standard, you can make exceptions to your best in order to hear and respond to messages. Our responding to what we hear is important... as long as we let the speaker finish the entire message before we determine what we say or do next. This final point really underscores hearing and responding. It is critical that we let the speaker finish the thought rather than assume. It can be embarrassing if we finish their thought only to discover we got it the wrong way round.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Down and Up
We're all familiar with the phrase/philosophy: "It doesn't make any difference how many times you fall down but how many times you get back up." It's true. The only problem is that if you're the one, flat on your back, and this is being aimed at you, you may feel like strangling whoever is suggesting this - even if it is only the expression on their face that is speaking.
Getting back up is never simple or easy though it really is the only logical option. But what does this mean... exactly? What does getting back up accomplish other than standing upright rather than lying flat on one's back? Obviously getting back up can't include repeating the words/behaviors that got you on your back in the first place. Does this mean 'returning' to the point that occasioned the fall or do you start from where you are? No simple or even standard answer and 'it depends' is not a particularly helpful comment... accurate, just not helpful.
Whether easy or difficult, getting back up requires some exertion on your part and then after standing upright you'll need to do... something. Personally, I've found that when I rush into an action or explanation, I typically compound the problem. The first thing I need to do is to know why I ended up on my back. This answer will get me on the path to a resolution. But, simply knowing what I should have done may now be too late, so I need to know what should be done next.
You obviously started in the direction you were heading for a reason... before you fell - do you remember? Equally important, is it still of value? Or does it need postponing till a more propitious time? I believe it is important that we know why we started and whether we should continue before getting back up or we could find ourselves in the same predicament that occasioned our fall. It does seem counterproductive to simply stand again without considering the issues. Getting back up is critically important to 'moving on' but why do so unthinkingly?
Getting back up is never simple or easy though it really is the only logical option. But what does this mean... exactly? What does getting back up accomplish other than standing upright rather than lying flat on one's back? Obviously getting back up can't include repeating the words/behaviors that got you on your back in the first place. Does this mean 'returning' to the point that occasioned the fall or do you start from where you are? No simple or even standard answer and 'it depends' is not a particularly helpful comment... accurate, just not helpful.
Whether easy or difficult, getting back up requires some exertion on your part and then after standing upright you'll need to do... something. Personally, I've found that when I rush into an action or explanation, I typically compound the problem. The first thing I need to do is to know why I ended up on my back. This answer will get me on the path to a resolution. But, simply knowing what I should have done may now be too late, so I need to know what should be done next.
You obviously started in the direction you were heading for a reason... before you fell - do you remember? Equally important, is it still of value? Or does it need postponing till a more propitious time? I believe it is important that we know why we started and whether we should continue before getting back up or we could find ourselves in the same predicament that occasioned our fall. It does seem counterproductive to simply stand again without considering the issues. Getting back up is critically important to 'moving on' but why do so unthinkingly?
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Words.
I like words. I've always liked words. It's how we communicate with each other. To me, it's the pictures words paint in our hearts and minds that bring such joy or wondering or... Words can bring us information and information is the foundation for making decisions or leading us in new directions. Words can bring us new and confirming understanding... and with understanding many doors open for us. Words are never passive, they are alive. Simply... words can bring us life.
I do realize, though, words can wound and hurt as well. Words can also kill us, at least deeply harm our spirits. Criticism can seem like a knife, scaling us, especially when spoken by someone who doesn't know our history... And, hate-filled words, regardless of the speaker, can have a devastating influence on how we see ourselves. It really isn't true that... 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Unkind words always hurt. Another example of the power of words.
What kind of words do you speak? Are your words life producing? Or do they bring sadness or pain? Do you speak before you think or do you weigh the implications and ramifications your words produce? Quite honestly I believe we need to be less cavalier about what and how we say what we say. An argument can be made that words are valueless, that it's how we group words that determines the value. True. But do consider the subject - it is us and how we 'handle' words - we are the value added through the inflection in how we say what we say.
As a consequence of all this, I have a great respect for words and never use words lightly. My goal and motivation is to communicate. And to that end, one of my favorite methods is to ask questions. I truly have never met a question I didn't like plus questions are typically value-less. They are stated, or should be, in a neutral way to encourage others to share their thoughts, ideas - their words. Questions and statements should never (my value) be stated with a no option to one's beliefs. This is a reinforcement of the comment by Voltaire:
"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the
death your right to say it."
I do realize, though, words can wound and hurt as well. Words can also kill us, at least deeply harm our spirits. Criticism can seem like a knife, scaling us, especially when spoken by someone who doesn't know our history... And, hate-filled words, regardless of the speaker, can have a devastating influence on how we see ourselves. It really isn't true that... 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Unkind words always hurt. Another example of the power of words.
What kind of words do you speak? Are your words life producing? Or do they bring sadness or pain? Do you speak before you think or do you weigh the implications and ramifications your words produce? Quite honestly I believe we need to be less cavalier about what and how we say what we say. An argument can be made that words are valueless, that it's how we group words that determines the value. True. But do consider the subject - it is us and how we 'handle' words - we are the value added through the inflection in how we say what we say.
As a consequence of all this, I have a great respect for words and never use words lightly. My goal and motivation is to communicate. And to that end, one of my favorite methods is to ask questions. I truly have never met a question I didn't like plus questions are typically value-less. They are stated, or should be, in a neutral way to encourage others to share their thoughts, ideas - their words. Questions and statements should never (my value) be stated with a no option to one's beliefs. This is a reinforcement of the comment by Voltaire:
"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the
death your right to say it."
Monday, September 7, 2015
Love... 'Like'?
According to some, I am required to love but I don't have to like you!? How can you love and not like? What does that even mean? It doesn't make sense... Is this simply another lie we've bought into? Or some perverted compromise about love that we use to justify our definitions and behaviors?
I know that, at one point, I was swayed by the argument that, as Christians, we are required to love but we don't have to necessarily like (fill in the blank). This 'definition' is also applied to those with whom we have a 'personality conflict', including family as well as our 'enemies'. Then there's the... 'love the sinner, hate the sin' concept, though this may be a different subject. Finally, what do we do about enemies that either want to enslave us to their thinking or kill us - can we love them? A great many questions that all of us struggle with to find answers.
Not even considering the definitional difference between love and like, what is love? How does the Lord want us to act, because love is an act and not just words? I think the starting point is how love is defined in scripture, especially 1 Corinthians 13. Beginning in verse 4, Paul tells us that;
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not
parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not
seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in
iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all
things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
NOT: not envy, not puffed, not behave rudely, not seek its own, not provoked, thinks no evil, not rejoice in iniquity, BUT: rejoices in truth, bears -believes -hopes - endures all things. Not, not, not, not, not, no, not. Definition by 'not'. Kind, rejoices, bears, believes, hopes, endures - never fails, definition by choice. Now tell me, how you can even begin to act in love with people you don't 'like'? Nowhere are we told to be false and fake or go through the motions, but it tells us:
"Love covers a multitude of sins..." (1Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12)
"Love must be without hypocrisy..." (Romans 12:9)
"Love is the fulfillment of the law... (Romans 13:10)
"...everyone who loves is born of God..." (1John 4:47)
And these are only a small selection of the over 393 references in the Bible that talk about love. Philippians 4:8 also talks about on what we need to think and meditate on: true, noble, good report, virtue, praiseworthy. If you only read 1 of the 393 scriptures each day and meditated on it, it would take you 13 months to read through just this list. Think about how you would be feeding your spirit for that year+ and how this would be enhancing who you are becoming. Perhaps our understanding of love increases when we realized John 3:16 is meant for you... personally! That God loved each and every one of us so much that He sent His Son so that we may all come into the richness of relationship. This is love. And if love motivates you how can you not like?
Friday, September 4, 2015
Disastrous verging on Toxic
Is that how you'd describe your prime relationship? Are you in the position of being bravely honest or cowardly lying about what you think and feel about your relationship? Perhaps that sounded extremely harsh... so what would be your description? Many times, those are the only two behavior options and we need to decide how we will respond. This is also when our character emerges in its unadulterated true form. Let's call it as it is, unless we are honest about our feelings and thoughts, regardless of our excuses or motives, we are lying.
I think that sometimes our conscious 'motives' may be that we don't want to hurt the other person. However, this motive can just as easily be viewed as self-protecting; that we don't want to 'deal with it', whatever we think will result from our being honest. Our behavior can easily be misconstrued and then problems escalate. And at some point you will look at one another and ask - how did we get here? Perhaps you wouldn't, had you been honest from the start.
Obviously, the first question is
related to whether or not the relationship is disastrous or toxic or simply
just not ‘right’. When we are brave enough to broach the subject and express ourselves, then the other person has the same opportunity. They may or may not be feeling the same thing. Perhaps they are waiting for the 'right moment' (just like you) to express how they are feeling. The current reality may be that both people are expressing a lie to the other, without being aware.
If you are in a relationship and you never talk about the relationship and how it is growing, how you are growing, what you see in the other person, etc. then I believe a fair description of the relationship is - disastrous. It's not that you are predetermining the relationship or making it staid by talking about it; it's that you are sharing your heart, your self with the other person and listening to if the two of you are wanting the same goals. What would stop you from doing this? Self-preservation? A lack of trust? If trust is the reason then you really do need to look at the relationship.
I would argue that this relates to ALL relationships from the somewhat casual to a spousal relationship. Especially in the latter case, communication is critical or you may find yourselves going in opposite directions - assuming the other person is on the same page... or even reading the same book. But even in 'casual' relationships, however you define the word, it's important to know if what you understand is what the other person wants from the friendship. Actually... misunderstandings and hurt feelings can be avoided when you talk to each other. It may be disastrous, but it can be redeemed - even if you part - it doesn't have to become toxic. No one benefits when everyone is hurt.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Keeping score
Do you? Do you have a internal mental 'scoreboard' of what you've done for others and what 'they owe you'? You probably wouldn't have said it as crass as I wrote, but it doesn't make any difference - do you feel that you are owed? Whether covertly or surreptitiously, do you make certain that Person A realizes what you did/said/gave to them long after the act with the implication of how you went out of your way for them?
I suspect that the real question is why? Why does your every word and deed come with an attendant quid pro quo? And before you quickly exclaim that this is not who you are or what you do... I'm not accusing, I'm asking. Sometimes we aren't even aware of our unspoken and unthought out words and actions. Keeping score is a behavior that can be insidious because of it's 'invisibility'.
Expectations can fall into this trap. We 'expect' from Person A and if this doesn't materialize then we are 'put out'. Did Person A even know there was an unspoken expectation (or 'condition' on your help)?
"Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves
another has fulfilled the law." (Romans 8:13)
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to a
neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." (v 9-10)
Perhaps it is our perception of love and what we believe about how we speak and act on this. Romans has spoken about our mindset. There are other scriptures that give us directions about loving such as Ephesians 4:2, 1Peter 4:8, John 15:13, 1John 3:16-18. The point is that if our action stem from a loving mindset, we don't 'expect'. Possible?
To not keep score will require a change of thought, a paradigm shift in our mindset. If you can visualize then look at your words, actions, assists as given with an open hand - expecting nothing in return. When or if there is a 'return' never expect it to be in like or kind. Let the person responding to you give in their manner and you will find yourself blessed in a very special (and unexpected) way.
I suspect that the real question is why? Why does your every word and deed come with an attendant quid pro quo? And before you quickly exclaim that this is not who you are or what you do... I'm not accusing, I'm asking. Sometimes we aren't even aware of our unspoken and unthought out words and actions. Keeping score is a behavior that can be insidious because of it's 'invisibility'.
Expectations can fall into this trap. We 'expect' from Person A and if this doesn't materialize then we are 'put out'. Did Person A even know there was an unspoken expectation (or 'condition' on your help)?
"Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves
another has fulfilled the law." (Romans 8:13)
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to a
neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." (v 9-10)
Perhaps it is our perception of love and what we believe about how we speak and act on this. Romans has spoken about our mindset. There are other scriptures that give us directions about loving such as Ephesians 4:2, 1Peter 4:8, John 15:13, 1John 3:16-18. The point is that if our action stem from a loving mindset, we don't 'expect'. Possible?
To not keep score will require a change of thought, a paradigm shift in our mindset. If you can visualize then look at your words, actions, assists as given with an open hand - expecting nothing in return. When or if there is a 'return' never expect it to be in like or kind. Let the person responding to you give in their manner and you will find yourself blessed in a very special (and unexpected) way.
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