Saturday, August 29, 2020

One accord

Is this what we should be aiming for? Does this mean abandoning your own understandings and interpretations? Are you supposed to accept whatever the norm is? Who acts as the dispenser of knowledge and understanding in determining that 'norm'? Are they always right? What does one accord mean!? 

   "Agreement; harmony of minds; consent or concurrence of opinions 
    or wills. (Example: Acts 1)" (KJV dictionary)

   "The concept of being in one accord is expressed frequently in the 
    Bible, with ten instances in the book of Acts. ... 
    To be in one accord communicates being one in heart and mind
    More specifically, the words in the original language convey the 
    inner unity (oneness of heart and mind) of a group of people 
    engaged in a similar action. As such, the expression is sometimes 
    rendered “with one mind,” as in Romans 15:6..." (gotquestions.org) 

This is what the 1st century church was trying to accomplish, to display. Why? United front? And... the 21st century church? How are the words from those two descriptions meant ... what does 'one accord' look like?

   "So here’s what I want you to do. When you gather for worship, each  
    one of you be prepared with something that will be useful for all: Sing 
    a hymn, teach a lesson, tell a story, lead a prayer, provide an insight. 
    If prayers are offered in tongues, two or three’s the limit, and then only 
    if someone is present who can interpret what you’re saying. Otherwise, 
    keep it between God and yourself. And no more than two or three 
    speakers at a meeting, with the rest of you listening and taking it to 
    heart. Take your turn, no one person taking over. Then each speaker 
    gets a chance to say something special from God, and you all learn from 
    each other. If you choose to speak, you’re also responsible for how and 
    when you speak. When we worship the right way, God doesn’t stir us up 
    into confusion; he brings us into harmony. This goes for all the churches
    —no exceptions." (1 Corinthians 14:26-33, MSG)

Does this give you sufficient understanding of what one accord looks like in action? It doesn't mean abandoning or denying what you believe in order to be in one accord. Just like we all have a measure of faith - we need to share this to see where there are divergences with our brothers and sisters and what common understandings exist. Iron will sharpen iron (Proverbs 27:17)

   "For by the grace [of God] given to me I say to everyone of you not to 
    think more highly of himself [and of his importance and ability] than 
    he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God 
    has apportioned to each a degree of faith [and a purpose designed for 
    service]. (Romans 12:3, AMP)

Finally, we grow, it's not static, in understanding of one accord and it is importance. It is coming together to find the Lord's will, to know what we need to be and do. It never is a denial of what you believe and who you are - it should always support and strengthen you as you discover and act on your understandings.

   "The early church, being in one accord, had “no schisms, no divided 
    interests, no discordant purposes” (from Notes on the Bible by Albert
    Barnes, 1834).

   "This kind of oneness of heart and soul in the body of Christ is only 
    possible through the Holy Spirit’s enabling (Ephesians 4:1–6). It is 
    a gift of God’s grace (Romans 12:3–13). The Greek term translated 
    “in one accord,” according to the Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon, “helps 
    us understand the uniqueness of the Christian community. ... The 
    image is almost musical; a number of notes are sounded which, 
    while different, harmonize in pitch and tone. As the instruments of 
    a great concert under the direction of a concert master, so the Holy 
    Spirit blends together the lives of members of Christ’s church.”
    (gotquestions.org) 

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

Running my race

   "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses 
    [who by faith have testified to the truth of God’s absolute faithfulness], 
    stripping off every unnecessary weight and the sin which so easily and 
    cleverly entangles us, let us run with endurance and active persistence 
    the race that is set before us, [looking away from all that will distract 
    us and] focusing our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of 
    faith [the first incentive for our belief and the One who brings our faith 
    to maturity], who for the joy [of accomplishing the goal] set before Him 
    endured the cross, disregarding the shame, and sat down at the right 
    hand of the throne of God [revealing His deity, His authority, and the
    completion of His work]. Just consider and meditate on Him who 
    endured from sinners such bitter hostility against Himself [consider it 
    all in comparison with your trials], so that you will not grow weary and 
    lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-4, AMP)

WOW! Really dissect these verses... they are powerful and if they don't build up your faith, read them again. What do these verses tell us?

  1. That there are witnesses that we can read their stories to see the truth of God's faithfulness. We know, in that inner knowing we have, that the Father IS faithful, but we can read in His Word countless examples of people testifying to this. 

  2. It is also telling us that our ancestors ran their race, sometimes slipping, sometimes falling, many times failing... but they didn't stop. They always completed their assignments to the best that they knew how. And now, just as they were cheered on in their lives, they are now cheering us on to be our best and do our best.

  3. We are old to get rid of the sins (known by us) that always ensnare us. But it also implies that we CAN do this. How? By endurance and persistence run the race that's right in front of us. Remember Romans 5, especially verses 3-4? 

   "And not only this, but [with joy] let us exult in our sufferings and 
    rejoice in our hardships, knowing that hardship (distress, pressure, 
    trouble) produces patient endurance; and endurance, proven character 
    (spiritual maturity); and proven character, hope and confident assurance" 

You can read that it is hardship, distress, pressure, trouble produces endurance which produces character which produces hope and assurance! All of this is dependent upon where we have our eyes. 

  4. How? Where? Our eyes should be on Jesus. This Jesus is the Author and Perfecter of faith. Read what He models for us, how He handled the hostility toward Himself. He gives us so many options about how we can respond to these same forces that are directed against us. And, to be honest, of a much lesser degree than what Jesus suffered.

Everything is directed toward the result - that WE don't grow weary and lose heart. Remember the scripture (Hebrews 4:15) that tells us that Jesus, our High Priest, understands what we face? That we can overcome (1 Corinthians 10:13) because He knows us, He knows our strengths, He knows our weaknesses. He tells us to abide in Him because apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:4).

I have only indicated a few of the learnings we receive from the Hebrews 12 scripture (and the supportive scriptures in Hebrews 4, 1 Corinthians, and John). But these should provide a sufficient foundation from which we can run our race. It's not about anything other than perfecting us, helping us to be and do in our world all that we can. We are strengthened, we are equipped, we can overcome... because we have the One who will help us. Hebrews 12:4 the Message Bible:

   "... When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story 
    again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. 
    That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"

Run your race! You can and you will finish!

Sunday, August 23, 2020

Helper

   "... But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks 
    closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24, AMP)

I would propose that the one person in the Triune God that we know the least is the Holy Spirit and His work. We really shouldn't since His work is ongoing in our lives each day. And like the Father and Son, He is NOT 'out there' and unknowable... He is with us to enable us in our day. Remember what Jesus told His disciples that seemed incredibly impossible? In John we read two very significant verses.

   "But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, 
    Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will 
    send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My 
    behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you 
    remember everything that I have told you." (John 14:26, AMP)

   "But when He, the Spirit of Truth, comes, He will guide you into all 
    the truth [full and complete truth]. For He will not speak on His 
    own initiative, but He will speak whatever He hears [from the 
    Father—the message regarding the Son], and He will disclose to 
    you what is to come [in the future]." (John 16:13, AMP)

But what does this mean? John 14 delineates all the roles that the Holy Spirit embodies on our behalf. All we need do is to turn to Him and ask. What do you need? What is the role you need from Him right now? Advocate? Intercessor? I know that I have needed His intercessions for me numerous times. And He always is there. Maybe you need Him to be your Comforter but don't feel that your need is all that important? Not true. His comfort is an encourager for us to be or to do what needs be. Or maybe it's just that life has gotten to be too much at this moment and His comfort will see you through. Never dismiss your need nor His provision.

Do notice in John 16 that the Lord continues to expand on what the Holy Spirit's role is and His source of authority. The Holy Spirit is described/defined as the Spirit of Truth. What reassurance this brings! We can know, confidently, that what is said comes from the Father and is to assist us in our lives. The Holy Spirit confirms again in our spirit who Jesus was and is and continues to be. 

I can't speak for you, but for me having the Holy Spirit active in my life is critical. Knowing that whatever the future brings, I can rely on Him and His assistance in the good times as well as the bad. (And never forget Him during the joy and good times.)

   "For God has unveiled them and revealed them to us through the 
    [Holy] Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things [diligently], even 
    [sounding and measuring] the [profound] depths of God [the 
    divine counsels and things far beyond human understanding]." 
    (1 Corinthians 2:10, AMP)

The Holy Spirit will continue to reveal to me what I need to know when I need to know it. Trust becomes an issue but I'm beginning to see that fear can attempt to derail our trust by telling us we need to know NOW. However, this is a time when we can build our faith instead. 
   
   "In the same way the Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our 
    weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it 
    as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the 
    right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too 
    deep for words. And He who searches the hearts knows what the 
    mind of the Spirit is, because the Spirit intercedes [before God] 
    on behalf of God’s people in accordance with God’s will." 
    (Romans 8:26-27, AMP)

There are over 100 verses that talk about the Holy Spirit and who He is and what He does. This discussion barely scratches the service. However, these 5 verses: Proverbs 18:24, John 14:26, John 16:13, 1 Corinthians 2:10, Romans 8:26-27 -  will provide you with a starting point for you to begin your journey of appreciation of the who, what, where, when of the Holy Spirit... our Helper.


Thursday, August 20, 2020

Talking with the Lord

That's what prayer is... talking with the Lord. At least this is my definition. And it's bringing who you are right now... no frills, no affectations. It doesn't matter if it sounds stupid or insignificant even to our own ears... not the point. We are supposed to bring our needs and wants (Hebrews 4:16) and right up to the throne!

   "Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything 
    [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with 
    thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known 
    to God." (Philippians 4:6 AMP)

Whether alone or corporately, prayer is personal. No question. However... what does the act of praying mean for you? It is only intercession? Are there times of praise and worship? Do you take the time to listen to what the Lord is telling or teaching you? When you finish with your prayer time... what are you thoughts and feelings? Do you feel enabled and equipped? If not, then your prayer time isn't finished. Then again, I like to think that my communication channel to the Lord is always 'open'.

I think we forget that prayer, praying is an action. It is never passive. I know many people do, but I don't think it is only our thoughts, thus in our minds. I have to hear what I'm saying so that I know I am saying what I think I am asking, seeking. I also believe that prayer is for us therefore, we need to listen to what we say. Is there a congruence between our words and actions? Is talking out loud more accurate, precise concerning what we think?  

Perhaps I'm asking the wrong question(s)? Maybe one of the questions is - what do we want from our prayer time? What expectations do we have? What would we call a 'good prayer time'? Do you have your answers to those questions. Part of the reason I think this is critical is that this in our mindset when we do pray. Example: how can you possibly pray for (fill in the blank) if you don't expect the Lord to answer? Where's your level of trust? of faith? 

   "But you, beloved, build yourselves up on [the foundation of] your 
    most holy faith [continually progress, rise like an edifice higher and 
    higher], pray in the Holy Spirit" (Jude 1;20, AMP)

Prayer is more than a 'bless this mess' - it impacts how we grow! And, yes I know this is a topic I talk about a great deal. Why? Because this is one of the ways we build ourselves up, that we become strong and courageous. Prayer is never an 'add on'. It is essential for our Christian life and walk. We need it as much as we need air to breathe (and that's not hyperbole)

   "With all prayer and petition pray [with specific requests] at all times 
    [on every occasion and in every season] in the Spirit, and with this 
    in view, stay alert with all perseverance and petition [interceding in 
    prayer] for all [a]God’s people." (Ephesians 6:18, AMP)


Monday, August 17, 2020

If we follow it...

    "For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it 
    operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged 
    sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the 
    completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest 
    parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and 
    intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12, AMP)

Wow! Did you ever consider that the book in your hand, the Bible, is able to do all that!? Did you realize that it is living, it is active, it is full of power? That the word is so sharp that it can divide the soul and spirit thus judging very thought and intention of our heart? Perhaps if we gave God's Word its due, we would handle it with more care?

I think most Christians consider the Bible as our manual (even if they don't really know what to do with that description). I would suggest that the Hebrews scripture doesn't seem to be emphasized as much as it should, because this verse gives a vivid picture of what the word is. (We tend to consider 1 Timothy 3:16-17 more often. However, when you combine the two, what a strong chord is weaved.) ALL scripture (1 Timothy) and living, active, powerful (Hebrews).

Does this give you a different understanding (appreciation?) of the Bible? For me, it also places a greater significance to the scripture that says:

   "For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of 
    this book: If anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the 
    plagues that are written in this book; and if anyone takes away 
    from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away 
    his part from the Book of Life, from the holy city, and from the 
    things which are written in this book." (Revelations 22:18-19, NKJV)

That's not a threat... nor a promise... it is what will happen. I don't believe God ever messes with His word. So.. why should we? We may not completely understand, but that's not a reason to ignore or distort. We may not like or appreciate what's said, but that's not a reason to change the changeless word of God. This is a given. What's said... Is. 

The Word of God gives us a standard, a structure, a foundation, a methodology that only enhances who we are and can become when we follow it. It should never be viewed as a hindrance to what we may want... but it is there to protect us if we follow it. It is meant to enhance us, equip us, enable us to become all we can be... if we follow it.

Friday, August 14, 2020

Imposition

Don't you realllllly hate it when you feel put upon? Maybe the request came from a voice attempting to make you feel guilty if you said ‘no’? Perhaps your plate is stacked to overflowing and you really don’t want to!? And there can be all sorts of reactions, but how do you handle requests when they are simply one more imposition? Probably not well. And saying ‘it’s ok ‘cause we all do/feel this’ doesn’t make the feelings go away.

Regardless of your situation and/or how the request was presented… do you say you’ll ‘do it’? Why? It’s not worth the hassle to say ‘no’? I remember hearing (and being told?) that if you wanted something done, ask someone who is already overworked. I remember thinking that this was never a kindness, give that person a break. Regardless, this was the prevailing view.

First we need to start with – do you accept the request? (How gracious is your response?) Do you know your 'why'? 

   "Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore 
    him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing 
    forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those 
    who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. 
    If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived." (Galatians 1:6, MSG)

Is this what compels you, is this what is directing your emotions? If so, well done. If not, still the 'why' you accepted. I do like how the Message Bible phrases these verses... especially the 'forgivingly'. When our mindset and actions mirror this word then it's an ongoing not one and done response. This changes the context of behavior entirely.

Part of the reality of what's happening is that we only have our reaction ... we don't know what compelled the other person to ask us. And yes, they may have done so expecting us to accept, but that's not the point. It also speaks to the relationship of the request-er and you. Inevitably is our perspective that dictates whether we accept or politely refuse 'impositions'. But remember:

   "Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and 
    lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most 
    convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us 
    needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves,
    “How can I help?” (Romans 15:1-2, MSG)

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

You, Scripture: diametrically opposed?

What do you do when scripture appears to be diametrically opposite of what you believe/think? Who's the authority... has the last word? Hint... it isn't you. No one possesses all the wisdom, all the authority - knows it all - except God. And how does He make this known to us? Through His Word! 

Let me share just a few of the statements that God makes about His Word.

   "I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
        God’s Decree.
    For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses 
    the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
    Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until 
    they’ve watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow 
    and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
    So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-
    handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the 
    assignment I gave them." (Isaiah 55:8-11, MSG)

   "There’s nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way
    to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of Scripture is 
    God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, 
    exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live 
    God’s way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up 
    for the tasks God has for us." (2 Timothy 3:16-17, MSG)

Those 2 scriptures alone should be sufficient 'proof' for who's in charge, who the decision-maker is, who KNOWS. Why kick at what the Bible says? Is it not the inerrant word of God? Granted, we don't always understand what the scripture is telling us but our lack is no reason to ignore. 

I love the scripture that talks about iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17). We all need to examine our understandings against what others have discovered and use scripture as the 'judge' of truth. Absolutely we all have our opinions... that's not the point. The points are: do, will you listen to a conflicting/contrary point of view to what you think? Actually, will you let this be expressed and explained? Will you use scripture as your basis, foundation for truth?

Nowhere does it say that we always have to 'like' what we read, it says:

   "But He (Jesus) said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of 
    God and keep it!” (Luke 11:28, ESV)

   "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing 
    one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual 
    songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." (Colossians 3:16, ESV)

   "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged 
    sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of 
    marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." 
    (Hebrews 4:12 ESV)

Hebrews' declaration that God's word is living and active should end all discussion about the infallibility and viability of the Word.

Saturday, August 8, 2020

Missteps

Do you believe you do this waaay too often? And are you correct in your assessment of you? Do you misstep ... a lot? More importantly - do you know why? You can't correct that which you don't know, so if you don't... you need to do what needs doing in order to be aware. It is also rather critical that you have a basis on which to judge if you're mis-stepping.

Missteps can be the result of a variety of reasons: you aren't paying attention so you don't have all the necessary information. Perhaps you are using the same words but with different meanings - so are you assuming or asking those questions that confirm your understanding. Maybe you really don't care what happens so your attitude is involved with your understanding. Maybe you don't understand your particular role. A great number of reasons and each misstep may be the result of a different reason. Now what?

Missteps can be sins... can be misunderstanding... can be rebellion... can be unintentional, and all layers these words encompass. However, we do need to know the 'why' of our misstep. The ramifications from our misstep can't be understated. There are always ramifications from any decision, but the crucial question is - when we see and understand we have misstep-ed, how quickly do we respond? There's no reason to compound the situation.

Change may seem to be the only answer to correcting missteps. Is it? Probably. but change what? It has to be more than only correcting the current situation. Our 'what' can only make sense in the context of our 'why'. Misstep is defined in terms of 'a wrong step'. It is. But what we do with our missteps is our responsibility, our decision.

There are a couple (of many) verses we can use, as guides, when we do misstep:

   Ephesians 5:15-17 "So be careful how you live. Live as men who are 
    wise and not foolish. Make the best use of your time. These are sinful 
    days. Do not be foolish. Understand what the Lord wants you to do."

   James 1:5-6 "But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, 
    who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously 
    to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. 
    Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown 
    about by the wind."

Merely ignoring missteps gets us nowhere and eventually may catch up with us - never positive.


Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Really....

Let's be honest. We sometimes surprise ourselves at how we react, which can be 'good' and 'bad'. Sometimes our reaction demonstrates grace and other times you'd rather forget what you did/said. Also, there are times we are surprised at a reaction from someone else that seems totally 'out of character' with who we think they are. This only affirms the belief that no one should be pigeon-holed, no relationship is ever to be in cement and static. If our relationships aren't growing then they are probably in a state of atrophy. 

Open the windows and doors and let the new, the never thought about... in to be discovered, accepted, rejected, adapted, etc. The new is built on the old. If all you do is replace the old with the new I would argue that you are eliminating. The 'old' always has something to share, to provide a perspective to add to the new. And sometimes the 'new' has to be learned.

Whether it is to ourselves, when we realize our surprise... or others, when we see their expressions, our reaction is not unakin to... really???!!! Now, how to react to our own surprise, how to respond 'appropriately'. It doesn't make as much difference about how we come to the realization, though that should tell us about how we are cementing ourselves and others, as much as it is accepting what has happened. Bottom line: we grow, others grow and that's the delight. When the things that are not typical, are out of character - then we have the opportunity to reassess, refine our thinking about what happened, how we reacted to the new information, and how we go forward. 

The following scriptures can give us insights on How we can respond and How we should view these times:

   “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive 
    it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
    (Isaiah 43:19)
This may be the reality and/or purpose for what seems contrary or contradictory. Before throwing out the 'new', try and view it in this context.

   “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never 
    leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
    (Deuteronomy 31:8)
Is fear or discouragement the basis for your reaction? If so, then does your faith and/or trust needs strengthening. We know that if the Lord is in it... then it is right and good.

   “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own 
    understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your 
    paths straight.”(Proverbs 3: 5-6) 

   “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will 
    counsel you with my loving eye on you.” (Psalm 32:8)
This assurance, that when we turn to the Lord, He WILL make certain to teach us what we need to know. Simply because it seems new, the newness make only be ours. This can become a new adventure in understanding.

These are only a few of scripture's 'advice' to us on how to respond to the 'really!!!!'s in our lives. Different, unusual, even odd can be a plus... and yes, it can be a negative. It's our attitude that determines what and how we handle the really's in our lives.



Sunday, August 2, 2020

Thought life

Explain to me, if you can, why we always seem to focus on what we don't have rather than what we do! Silly really. When we do this we don't maximize what we have, only moan about what we don't. And that gets us even further behind/removed from what we should be seeing and doing. Yes, our eyes are on us... perhaps a pouting us?

Our thought life is critical! Absolutely critical. Remember the old saying that the mind is the devil's playground? Truth! And the ONLY way he knows if he is successful is by our actions and words. What we do. What we say. And what triggers this. He can tempt, he can whisper... but we don't have to accept this. His is a limited power. So why do we engage ? Because of so many reasons but mainly it's what we think about and how we respond to 'this' that tells our tale.

   "So submit to [the authority of] God. Resist the devil [stand firm 
    against him] and he will flee from you." (James 4:7, AMP)

Sometimes not so simple even if this scripture tells us what to do and what our reward is.

Scripture, especially the New Testament, has multiple scriptures that tells us we need to renew our minds. Why? Because of what I just said - it's the place where the devil works. Renewing our minds, standing on scripture gives us our defense against this! The 'comedic' phrase by Flip Wilson (The devil made me do it!) is often used as an 'excuse' but is untrue. The devil may have suggested it but it's all on us because we chose to do it. This behavior is akin to Paul's lament, Romans 7:16-20, MSG:

   "What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but 
    then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be 
    trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it 
    becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. But I need 
    something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if
    the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I 
    obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can 
    will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; 
    I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such 
    as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep 
    within me and gets the better of me every time."

So what to do!?! Actually, I've found that a 'time out' is precisely what I need. I have to own what I'm feeling and accept my why... even when my why is totally ludicrous. The reason isn't the point, owning the feeling is. And then it's time to reel in my thinking and get back to me. Please - never just stuff the thinking and feeling down because it will reemerge, typically at the wrong time and with the wrong people.

Turn to the Lord. He already knows but forgiveness and cleansing according to 1 John 1:9 is dependent upon our acknowledging, our seeking forgiveness. And no, justified or not, a pity party isn't 'bad' unless we wallow there and if we don't seek restoration from the Lord. 

Our thought life is precisely that - OUR thought life. No one can tell us what to believe, it is always our choice, our decision. And... we have the control! We direct our thought life. We can become our best selves...but this is always a process, it's never one and done.