Do you get bored? Do you find yourself with 'nothing to do'!? Perhaps I should say - nothing you want to do. Quite honestly, I'm not certain I've ever been bored but if I were, knowing that a cure was at hand would be wonderfully comforting. But, what would you do if you found yourself bored? There's a wonderful quote attributed to Dorothy Parker, "The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." And, if you noticed, there is no focus for 'curious' - it can be related to anything!
Curiosity. It's 'interesting' that the two words Webster uses to define curious is inquisitive and nosiness. While 'nosiness' may be a legitimate definition, I prefer the, 'interest leading to inquiry' approach. It's the qualities of curiosity - who, what, where, when, why, how - that infuse the discovery process. I think we are born with curiosity - just watch babies explore their worlds if you doubt my assertion. I'd go as far as to state that curiosity is the foundation for all discoveries. Somehow, though, many people seem to lose this quality from their life. But it can be rediscovered.
Curiosity is the twinkle in the eye of progress. Curiosity is the spur to 'what if'. If it wasn't obvious, I am a great proponent of the wondrous qualities of curiosity. Is there a 'down side'? I don't think there is unless you try and live in the world of curiosity without any involvement with 'real world'. One lives in the 'real world' (open to definition) and you can't ignore this, but it is the world of '...I wonder...' that is the creative component.
There is absolutely no way you can be bored when engaged in the act of discovering (which, to me, is the tangible aspect of curiosity). Curiosity really is all it's cracked up to be. It can be a 'cure' for a number of malaise (don't think there's a plural for this word... it's like sheep and deer, solitary). Curiosity adds flavor, adds spice to our days. Soooo.... why would you ever want a cure for curiosity?
...but, what do you think?
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
A simple life
Is there such a thing as 'a simple' ... to anything! Granted it depends on the issue but even with the simplest of questions... is there ever just a simple answer? I'm beginning to seriously doubt it. Or maybe it's that no one wants to commit themselves to something 'obvious' or 'simple' because life has ceased to be simple. Plus most people are relativist and respond with a, '... it depends on the situation.' Talk about lame.
That may be a tad harsh. Look at your own life - can you say you live a 'simple life'? Probably not. More important - would you like to? Yes... it does depend on your definition of 'simple' which is probably based on what you aren't currently experiencing. Webster says that simple is: "naive, free from guile and vanity, modest" and then the definition becomes condescending, "lacking in knowledge or expertise, not socially or culturally sophisticated". However, 'simple' may simply be a state in which whatever the negative you are experiencing doesn't exist. But... do you know your definition?
Often people look back 5, 10 or 20 years and say that 'those were simpler times'. I think the issue is that in those times they weren't experiencing stress... or very little... or didn't recognize stress for what it is and does. Stress seems to be the single most mention factor that people will indicate as negatively
impacting their lives. Difficulties would have existed 'back then' but not as pervasive as they appear to be now. Fact or fiction has little to do with it - it's our memories from that time.
IF simple is influenced/impacted by stress then you have a starting point to reach simple. Stress reduction. While it can be argued that reducing stress is easier said than done, you can influence your own level of stress, even if it is only in how you respond to stress - emotionally as well as behaviorally. Actually, your response to your own situation has a tremendous effect on how stress controls you.
...but, what do you think?
That may be a tad harsh. Look at your own life - can you say you live a 'simple life'? Probably not. More important - would you like to? Yes... it does depend on your definition of 'simple' which is probably based on what you aren't currently experiencing. Webster says that simple is: "naive, free from guile and vanity, modest" and then the definition becomes condescending, "lacking in knowledge or expertise, not socially or culturally sophisticated". However, 'simple' may simply be a state in which whatever the negative you are experiencing doesn't exist. But... do you know your definition?
Often people look back 5, 10 or 20 years and say that 'those were simpler times'. I think the issue is that in those times they weren't experiencing stress... or very little... or didn't recognize stress for what it is and does. Stress seems to be the single most mention factor that people will indicate as negatively
impacting their lives. Difficulties would have existed 'back then' but not as pervasive as they appear to be now. Fact or fiction has little to do with it - it's our memories from that time.
IF simple is influenced/impacted by stress then you have a starting point to reach simple. Stress reduction. While it can be argued that reducing stress is easier said than done, you can influence your own level of stress, even if it is only in how you respond to stress - emotionally as well as behaviorally. Actually, your response to your own situation has a tremendous effect on how stress controls you.
...but, what do you think?
Friday, October 26, 2012
Stumbling stones
Do you know what yours are? Those irritating behaviors, attitudes, and/or emotions that trip you up. Just when you think you have finally 'matured' and mastered them... they blindside you. Do you know what causes you to stumble? Whether or not you realize, you really do know, however it's an issue of who's in control - you or them.
Let me provide an example... patience. I have zilch. It's not a point of pride because I constantly get into trouble because of it. I do not have it under control. And it really is silly because it typically is in areas that I don't have control over but am a party to or recipient. Simply... it's called if you don't have control over the situation then your options are to depart or accept. Another example, for me, is blatant stupidity. Not misunderstanding, knowing better and still forging ahead. I have little tolerance when I see it in others and even less with myself. One really does know when one is behaving stupidly.
It seems that if you don't have control over your stumbling stones you do need to be on the alert for when they emerge so that you can effectively respond - not just react. So often we only exasperate the situation by what we do once we are faced with one of our stones. And what we do is to react with scant thought. However, there is another path - squarely face those stones, acknowledge them for what they are and what they do, and develop the necessary skills to deal with them.
For each of us, we find our way out of our 'predicament' rather than ignoring the problem. Everyone emerges eventually, but the 'how' of emerging and the 'condition' are two of the aspects we can focus on. We all need to become more aware of what 'sets us off' or what it is that allows those irritating stones to dictate our reactions. It is possible to overcome, to hold our stones in check and become effective at responding.
...but, what do you think?
Let me provide an example... patience. I have zilch. It's not a point of pride because I constantly get into trouble because of it. I do not have it under control. And it really is silly because it typically is in areas that I don't have control over but am a party to or recipient. Simply... it's called if you don't have control over the situation then your options are to depart or accept. Another example, for me, is blatant stupidity. Not misunderstanding, knowing better and still forging ahead. I have little tolerance when I see it in others and even less with myself. One really does know when one is behaving stupidly.
It seems that if you don't have control over your stumbling stones you do need to be on the alert for when they emerge so that you can effectively respond - not just react. So often we only exasperate the situation by what we do once we are faced with one of our stones. And what we do is to react with scant thought. However, there is another path - squarely face those stones, acknowledge them for what they are and what they do, and develop the necessary skills to deal with them.
For each of us, we find our way out of our 'predicament' rather than ignoring the problem. Everyone emerges eventually, but the 'how' of emerging and the 'condition' are two of the aspects we can focus on. We all need to become more aware of what 'sets us off' or what it is that allows those irritating stones to dictate our reactions. It is possible to overcome, to hold our stones in check and become effective at responding.
...but, what do you think?
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Generous
Are you generous? Perhaps just as important... do others see you as generous? Do you want to be considered as a generous person? Now the crux of the question - generous about/with what? Your time? Your resources? Your thoughts? Your you? Generous is as much about the intangible as is is the material. Generous is always a choice. Generous is visible, something 'seen' as well as known. It is a lifestyle as much as it is a description or a 'title'. But it must be open handed... without conditions.
Regardless, how do you define generous? And do you personalize your definition? Webster defines the word primarily with adjectives: unselfish, unsparing, unstinting, magnanimous, liberal. But the implication is that this is from a bountiful supply. Does this mean that only those who have an unlimited supply can be generous? Of course not. But it does imply the attitude of generous. I believe that there is the implication of 'above and beyond' that defines generous.
There are many people who would like to be seen as generous... as long as it doesn't cost them anything. But if generous comes only from a bountiful supply, is it generosity? More important is our motives - are we generous or do we simply want to be considered as generous? Thoughtful questions that cause us to rethink our own actions... and our belief about the word.
It isn't mandated that you be generous but part of the definition is - unconditional. There's no quid pro quo involved. You shouldn't expect to be rewarded for your generosity. The important aspect is your attitude - if you expect to be rewarded when you are generous then I question your word usage.
For some, this behavior - a generous spirit - does define them, is their lifestyle, and typically is pervasive.
...but, what do you think?
Regardless, how do you define generous? And do you personalize your definition? Webster defines the word primarily with adjectives: unselfish, unsparing, unstinting, magnanimous, liberal. But the implication is that this is from a bountiful supply. Does this mean that only those who have an unlimited supply can be generous? Of course not. But it does imply the attitude of generous. I believe that there is the implication of 'above and beyond' that defines generous.
There are many people who would like to be seen as generous... as long as it doesn't cost them anything. But if generous comes only from a bountiful supply, is it generosity? More important is our motives - are we generous or do we simply want to be considered as generous? Thoughtful questions that cause us to rethink our own actions... and our belief about the word.
It isn't mandated that you be generous but part of the definition is - unconditional. There's no quid pro quo involved. You shouldn't expect to be rewarded for your generosity. The important aspect is your attitude - if you expect to be rewarded when you are generous then I question your word usage.
For some, this behavior - a generous spirit - does define them, is their lifestyle, and typically is pervasive.
...but, what do you think?
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Confidence
Where are you on the confidence continuum? Supremely confident or low self esteem? And the focus/issue is not the point, I'm talking about your overall rating of you. Smugly Supremely Confident is not a positive nor is it attractive but snivelingly low self esteem isn't either. Your level of confidence really becomes a method of determining how much you put you into the equation of your current project.
There is a direct correlation between your level of confidence in you in the specific situation and the potential for success. I find it fascinating that we will often hedge our bets and put just enough of our selves into the equation that it won't hurt if we 'lose' and that we're still involved if progress is made. That, my friend, is lukewarm living. It exemplifies compromise and temporizing. Plus there is an excellent chance that you'll lose what it is that you believe and think.
A person of confidence is able to function in conflict and is able to listen to opposing views. If you really are confident, you won't disallow other's thoughts because they could possibly be refinements on the original plans. Likewise when you are asked to 'defend' your position you are able to offer cogent arguments to explain. Confidence is not a stick but it is a stand.
Minimally, if you are confident in (fill in the blank) then you are equally willing to be known for what you believe. However, if you are not confident and it is an essential issue, you need to do what is necessary to discover and this is more than merely accepting the majority view. Confidence knows what it believes and equally important - why.
...but, what do you believe?
There is a direct correlation between your level of confidence in you in the specific situation and the potential for success. I find it fascinating that we will often hedge our bets and put just enough of our selves into the equation that it won't hurt if we 'lose' and that we're still involved if progress is made. That, my friend, is lukewarm living. It exemplifies compromise and temporizing. Plus there is an excellent chance that you'll lose what it is that you believe and think.
A person of confidence is able to function in conflict and is able to listen to opposing views. If you really are confident, you won't disallow other's thoughts because they could possibly be refinements on the original plans. Likewise when you are asked to 'defend' your position you are able to offer cogent arguments to explain. Confidence is not a stick but it is a stand.
Minimally, if you are confident in (fill in the blank) then you are equally willing to be known for what you believe. However, if you are not confident and it is an essential issue, you need to do what is necessary to discover and this is more than merely accepting the majority view. Confidence knows what it believes and equally important - why.
...but, what do you believe?
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Coping with disappointment
It's not always easy and sometimes it is extremely difficult to cope with a disappointment - regardless of the 'type'. For many of us, the first reaction to disappointment is pouting. Pouting can take many forms but there are both childish and adultish - and both exist, are visible, and are undeniably pouts. There are multiple issues related to pouting and one is length. Exactly how long will you pout about a situation that is over?
Disappointment seems to be a fact of life so it should be relatively logical to devise a host of ways to cope with it. But it also seems that we have to develop a new response each time we have to deal with disappointment. Our attitude toward this problem is the critical component in terms of how effective we deal with the disappointment. So how do you cope? What do you do to 'move on' positively?
I think the major issue is do we do anything to move on that has anything to do with the cause of the disappointment? I'm a 'teachable moment' type and nothing does a better job of providing teachable moments than how we handle disappointments. If nothing else it will hone our analytical and critical thinking skills. In the midst of all this I believe that it's also important to look on the positive learnings in the situation. What are the positives that occurred even though the results were disappointing?
Bottom line is that disappointments occur, are painful and last as long as we allow them. We can use the information from the disappointment to create something new or we can wallow in our feelings. The latter position will guarantee lack of our own personal growth. Actually a different type of bottom line is what we learn about ourselves with these situations arise. Learning is always a choice.
...but, what do you think?
Disappointment seems to be a fact of life so it should be relatively logical to devise a host of ways to cope with it. But it also seems that we have to develop a new response each time we have to deal with disappointment. Our attitude toward this problem is the critical component in terms of how effective we deal with the disappointment. So how do you cope? What do you do to 'move on' positively?
I think the major issue is do we do anything to move on that has anything to do with the cause of the disappointment? I'm a 'teachable moment' type and nothing does a better job of providing teachable moments than how we handle disappointments. If nothing else it will hone our analytical and critical thinking skills. In the midst of all this I believe that it's also important to look on the positive learnings in the situation. What are the positives that occurred even though the results were disappointing?
Bottom line is that disappointments occur, are painful and last as long as we allow them. We can use the information from the disappointment to create something new or we can wallow in our feelings. The latter position will guarantee lack of our own personal growth. Actually a different type of bottom line is what we learn about ourselves with these situations arise. Learning is always a choice.
...but, what do you think?
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Decision-making
How do you arrive at your decision? There are many types of decision making styles... which describes you? Do you laboriously consider each and every option and ramification? Do you, after asking a number of people, accept the 'majority' opinion? Perhaps you adopt the 'fly by the seat of the pants' approach Do you take a serendipitous approach, adhering to the belief that 'everything will work out'... regardless of whether or not you do anything? Or maybe you take a I-won't-make-a -decision-so-I-don't-have-any-responsibility-for-what-happens?
And the preferred style: the person who analyzes the situation and looks for options and ramifications and then makes a 'timely' decision. Ideally we would use our foresight. But... no one has it so we're all on an even playing field. Some of us seem to have more intuition then others, but maybe it's more that some are more observant or listen to that 'inner voice' and follow it more often than others.
I do wish I had foresight... but then, life wouldn't be such an adventure if I did. However, we would probably have less scraped knees. Since we don't have foresight - what can we do? I've always thought that developing a critical thinking approach to decision making would be the preferred method. I still do. But, if you are a critical thinker then you can't use the excuse of innocence/I didn't know - this tends to be the drawback. For me, it's worth that price.
Regardless, even critical thinkers have to take a position at some point. How you present your stand is nearly as important as your stand. It is important that you remain flexible in order to take in new data. It's also important that you make your decision confidently, knowing you've done all you can to arrive at the best possible decision. The final step of monitoring what's happening as a result of the decision becomes the most critical step - this step can assure success because it's a relevant to what is actually happening thus allowing for adjustments.
...but, what do you think?
And the preferred style: the person who analyzes the situation and looks for options and ramifications and then makes a 'timely' decision. Ideally we would use our foresight. But... no one has it so we're all on an even playing field. Some of us seem to have more intuition then others, but maybe it's more that some are more observant or listen to that 'inner voice' and follow it more often than others.
I do wish I had foresight... but then, life wouldn't be such an adventure if I did. However, we would probably have less scraped knees. Since we don't have foresight - what can we do? I've always thought that developing a critical thinking approach to decision making would be the preferred method. I still do. But, if you are a critical thinker then you can't use the excuse of innocence/I didn't know - this tends to be the drawback. For me, it's worth that price.
Regardless, even critical thinkers have to take a position at some point. How you present your stand is nearly as important as your stand. It is important that you remain flexible in order to take in new data. It's also important that you make your decision confidently, knowing you've done all you can to arrive at the best possible decision. The final step of monitoring what's happening as a result of the decision becomes the most critical step - this step can assure success because it's a relevant to what is actually happening thus allowing for adjustments.
...but, what do you think?
Sunday, October 14, 2012
It all starts with you...
While I say, often, that it's all about you, it's because it all starts with you. But if it only stays with you then you're not doing anything with what you are and have (and have been given). Yes... it starts with you, and it is all about you... but it's also - more! You were never designed to horde you. You have always been designed to share. Share implies and is defined as mutual, not one-sided.
I don't know about you but I get extremely frustrated when I can't share a new discovery or a different way to look at an issue. I truly believe that we were meant to be share-ers. It's when we blend our discoveries together that we get a broader picture and further understanding. I suspect that's why I enjoyed teaching because I was always delighted to see light bulbs go off in the student's eyes. To be totally honest, I think the students probably taught me more than I taught them.
One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is in a teaching by Paul in 1st Corinthians 12 in which he is telling the church: a. don't compare gifts, b. don't give place to one gift over another, c. you are to share your gift because it is needed. You are needed to fill the place with your gifting. None of us are islands unto ourselves and we all need one another.
Perhaps a different way of considering this is: do you think you are you by chance or is there a design to you and for your life? Do you believe that you have a destiny? Obviously I would argue - design. Serendipity does exist in our thinking but I wonder if it's by fact? Coincidences and chance really are only concepts we've developed - I have difficulty believing that there isn't an overall plan. But there is a caveat in this - our reaction and our decisions. It's always your decision about if, what, and how you share.
...but, what do you think?
I don't know about you but I get extremely frustrated when I can't share a new discovery or a different way to look at an issue. I truly believe that we were meant to be share-ers. It's when we blend our discoveries together that we get a broader picture and further understanding. I suspect that's why I enjoyed teaching because I was always delighted to see light bulbs go off in the student's eyes. To be totally honest, I think the students probably taught me more than I taught them.
One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is in a teaching by Paul in 1st Corinthians 12 in which he is telling the church: a. don't compare gifts, b. don't give place to one gift over another, c. you are to share your gift because it is needed. You are needed to fill the place with your gifting. None of us are islands unto ourselves and we all need one another.
Perhaps a different way of considering this is: do you think you are you by chance or is there a design to you and for your life? Do you believe that you have a destiny? Obviously I would argue - design. Serendipity does exist in our thinking but I wonder if it's by fact? Coincidences and chance really are only concepts we've developed - I have difficulty believing that there isn't an overall plan. But there is a caveat in this - our reaction and our decisions. It's always your decision about if, what, and how you share.
...but, what do you think?
Saturday, October 13, 2012
'mood'
Have you ever just been in a 'mood'. No identifying marks. You can't say it's just ... or it's only... (I intensely dislike the dismissive 'just' and 'only'). Initially, you really can't identify 'mood' - what it is, where it came from, why it's here - it just is! I really, really hate those times. And don't tell me you haven't experienced them. But what do you do when they happen? And, more importantly, how do you get out of them?!
By now I can typically identify the beginning stages to these times. And not being the patient type, I find that attitude only contributes to 'mood'. However, identification doesn't necessarily bring resolution. Distraction (from the mood) rarely last long though, admittedly, the type of distraction does have a bearing. Regardless, distraction is only a temporary 'fix'. A 'doing' approach only will work if the doing has a relationship to the mood.
For me, these are times of frustration, rarely depression, but the kind of mood does need to be dealt with. Everyone, once they are in or going in to this funk, will need to deal with 'mood' or it will stay longer than it should. And yes, every mood does have a type even if it seems initially non existent. And just as everyone has to deal with 'mood', everyone has to start by identifying the why of the mood first.
Whys are as important as what's with these types of moods. For me, the whys can often be traced to unfinished business, unresolved issues. Sometimes these are surprises because the assumption was that everything was finished and resolved. Typically all I need do is look at the latest 'completion' to find the issue. Then it's my responsibility to actually resolve the uncompleted in order to move on. Did I happen to tell you... I'm in a mood.
...but what do you think?
By now I can typically identify the beginning stages to these times. And not being the patient type, I find that attitude only contributes to 'mood'. However, identification doesn't necessarily bring resolution. Distraction (from the mood) rarely last long though, admittedly, the type of distraction does have a bearing. Regardless, distraction is only a temporary 'fix'. A 'doing' approach only will work if the doing has a relationship to the mood.
For me, these are times of frustration, rarely depression, but the kind of mood does need to be dealt with. Everyone, once they are in or going in to this funk, will need to deal with 'mood' or it will stay longer than it should. And yes, every mood does have a type even if it seems initially non existent. And just as everyone has to deal with 'mood', everyone has to start by identifying the why of the mood first.
Whys are as important as what's with these types of moods. For me, the whys can often be traced to unfinished business, unresolved issues. Sometimes these are surprises because the assumption was that everything was finished and resolved. Typically all I need do is look at the latest 'completion' to find the issue. Then it's my responsibility to actually resolve the uncompleted in order to move on. Did I happen to tell you... I'm in a mood.
...but what do you think?
Thursday, October 11, 2012
What you get...
depends, basically, on what you put in. The old 'what you see is what you get' can be applied to your 'gettings'. What you do is of paramount importance. If you do nothing, do you still expect? Many people do. The do nothing but expect something is the 'free ride' mindset - but this doesn't exist. Sometimes there is a getting but it isn't what you expect or want. Does this describe you?
There are two old sayings that seem applicable: 'God helps those who help themselves.' and, 'All things cometh to those who waiteth, if they worketh like h**l while they waiteth.' There's some truth in this, but perhaps not precisely what you may be thinking. While multiple issues pop to mind, the one we're interested in at this moment is what are you doing to get what you want? The corollary: is what you're getting what you want?
Doing and getting are 'concepts' that are highly interrelated and interdependent. Is your doing done with the proper motive? Are you investing all that you need to in order to get the outcome you are seeking? The one who risks nothings gets precisely that - nothing. Are you 'pie in the sky' expecting without any personal expenditure of doing? And perhaps the underscoring question... why do you want what you want?
I don't have your answers and those are only some of the questions. But, you need to know where you are and what your expectations are as well as your level of willingness to get what you want. What if you 'lose'? What if the price is to much to bear? While I don't believe in failure per se, it is true that the only real failure is a failure to try. Trite? Yes, but that's what happens to true sayings. If you are sitting, if you are expecting but not personally committed then?????? Never be afraid to try, rather... fear sameness.
...but, what do you think?
There are two old sayings that seem applicable: 'God helps those who help themselves.' and, 'All things cometh to those who waiteth, if they worketh like h**l while they waiteth.' There's some truth in this, but perhaps not precisely what you may be thinking. While multiple issues pop to mind, the one we're interested in at this moment is what are you doing to get what you want? The corollary: is what you're getting what you want?
Doing and getting are 'concepts' that are highly interrelated and interdependent. Is your doing done with the proper motive? Are you investing all that you need to in order to get the outcome you are seeking? The one who risks nothings gets precisely that - nothing. Are you 'pie in the sky' expecting without any personal expenditure of doing? And perhaps the underscoring question... why do you want what you want?
I don't have your answers and those are only some of the questions. But, you need to know where you are and what your expectations are as well as your level of willingness to get what you want. What if you 'lose'? What if the price is to much to bear? While I don't believe in failure per se, it is true that the only real failure is a failure to try. Trite? Yes, but that's what happens to true sayings. If you are sitting, if you are expecting but not personally committed then?????? Never be afraid to try, rather... fear sameness.
...but, what do you think?
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Where do you belong?
Belonging... a critical emotional, intellectual and 'need to know' concept - I suspect that's why I write about it, in its many manifestations, as I do. Where you 'belong' identifies you as much to others as to yourself, but especially to ourselves. Do you know where you belong? Are you in your place of belonging? Undeniable is the issue of belonging - we really aren't islands unto ourselves. However, it's not just where you belong it's also what you do with your belonging - that tells the tale.
Equally important is - do you know that you may belong in more than one place? Maybe the question is more - where do you want to belong? What I mean by this is I was basically talking about the visible involvement not necessarily your internal 'place'. Example: belonging can be something you 'join', such as: do you 'belong' to a fitness club? If so then this says that you value physical fitness. Another example is where you choose to go to church... or not. This demonstrates your allegiance. Participation v. merely attending tells the tale of your depth of involvement and valuing.
But, where do you want to belong? Belonging is as much a you choose as being chosen - both have to exist - and yes, I am primarily talking about the interpersonal components that define your life. Belonging carries with it responsibility, a deeper level of commitment than a casual involvement. Belonging also carries with it rights and privileges. It can be argued that your place of belonging is your foundation - the place from which you find strength and solace.
As important as belonging is to our personal mental health and happiness, it must first start with knowing and accepting ourselves. Without a sense of who we are: our goals and aspirations, our abilities and dreams, our destiny... we have no frame of reference. And our frame of reference, I would argue, is what binds us together. It's this foundation of beliefs and attitudes that gives us the basis to be. And this also gives us the security to be ... different, our unique selves.
...but, what do you think?
Equally important is - do you know that you may belong in more than one place? Maybe the question is more - where do you want to belong? What I mean by this is I was basically talking about the visible involvement not necessarily your internal 'place'. Example: belonging can be something you 'join', such as: do you 'belong' to a fitness club? If so then this says that you value physical fitness. Another example is where you choose to go to church... or not. This demonstrates your allegiance. Participation v. merely attending tells the tale of your depth of involvement and valuing.
But, where do you want to belong? Belonging is as much a you choose as being chosen - both have to exist - and yes, I am primarily talking about the interpersonal components that define your life. Belonging carries with it responsibility, a deeper level of commitment than a casual involvement. Belonging also carries with it rights and privileges. It can be argued that your place of belonging is your foundation - the place from which you find strength and solace.
As important as belonging is to our personal mental health and happiness, it must first start with knowing and accepting ourselves. Without a sense of who we are: our goals and aspirations, our abilities and dreams, our destiny... we have no frame of reference. And our frame of reference, I would argue, is what binds us together. It's this foundation of beliefs and attitudes that gives us the basis to be. And this also gives us the security to be ... different, our unique selves.
...but, what do you think?
Friday, October 5, 2012
Looking back
Do you ever look back? Not the nostalgia looking back and reminiscing... nor the 'if I only knew' looking back. The looking back, momentarily, to see where you were and the path you took to get where you are. Are you ever surprised? Most of us are but it isn't always a negative surprise. And as you look back you can see what events and decisions you made that got you where you are. Some good. Some bad...
Another way of phrasing this is: are you a mindless interactor with your life or a proactive director? I realize that could sound harsh but all of us have met people that seem to meander through life. I do not recommend it. You may not experience many 'losses' but you also can't take credit for the successes. There is another way... stopping, occasionally, to see not only what decisions you made that got you to where you are now but the impacting forces and influences that occurred, especially the influences. Is there a pattern?
There's a saying that you can never go back. Not sure why unless you expect the people and place to have not changed - that would never happen. But... you can return and rediscover. The same idea holds in looking back - you can look back to see what was happening around you and in you. Not to retrace or 'undo' but to understand. If you discern patterns of people or people-types or situations then, if successful, you can apply or, if unsuccessful, develop new ways of responding. It will not be the same but it can be similar.
Looking back can be extremely self revealing because it displays to you all of you: your who, your why. It doesn't need to be self irritating because you made the 'wrong' decision. It doesn't need to be embarrassing, you're the only one who is involved. It can also be self affirming when you concur, now, with what you did and why. And it can be self actualizing as you see how you handled yourself in the midst of stress and success.
...but what do you think?
Another way of phrasing this is: are you a mindless interactor with your life or a proactive director? I realize that could sound harsh but all of us have met people that seem to meander through life. I do not recommend it. You may not experience many 'losses' but you also can't take credit for the successes. There is another way... stopping, occasionally, to see not only what decisions you made that got you to where you are now but the impacting forces and influences that occurred, especially the influences. Is there a pattern?
There's a saying that you can never go back. Not sure why unless you expect the people and place to have not changed - that would never happen. But... you can return and rediscover. The same idea holds in looking back - you can look back to see what was happening around you and in you. Not to retrace or 'undo' but to understand. If you discern patterns of people or people-types or situations then, if successful, you can apply or, if unsuccessful, develop new ways of responding. It will not be the same but it can be similar.
Looking back can be extremely self revealing because it displays to you all of you: your who, your why. It doesn't need to be self irritating because you made the 'wrong' decision. It doesn't need to be embarrassing, you're the only one who is involved. It can also be self affirming when you concur, now, with what you did and why. And it can be self actualizing as you see how you handled yourself in the midst of stress and success.
...but what do you think?
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Light bulbs
I love light bulbs! They are the "Eurekas!" in life. The time when suddenly the pieces of the puzzle you've been working on suddenly fall into place and the picture emerges. Those are euphoric times! I grant you that this all sounds fatuous or worse, slightly tongue-in-cheek, but I'm quite serious - light bulbs are fantastic. However, their lifespans are extremely short as we are quick to move on to the next step or the next problem.
Part of the reason for the allure of light bulbs is what they demonstrate - light coming into a situation of confusion or at least lack of clarity. Recall your own feelings when the apparent mess in front of you suddenly shows a distinct pattern or plan for accomplishment. This became the added impetus to complete the project. Yes? Actually, I can't think of a single negative associated with light bulbs other then their life expectancy is short.
But... in the midst of the muddy picture what can you do to create your needed light bulb quicker? Or is it merely a process that comes...? The answer, of course, is that it depends on the person. It isn't so much a function of the 'problem' as it is in the methodology of the problem-solver. Each person has their own way to light bulbs but unfortunately most people don't take the time to know their own approach to solution.
For example: when I find myself in the situation where I really need a answer soon but am not completely confident in the direction the 'project' is going, I stop. Before heading in a direction that will require backing up and thus wasting time, energy, resources I try and take some time, alone, to first - do nothing. And after I've had some separation time, I look at the puzzle again to see if something emerges that I hadn't seen before. Many times... it does. If it doesn't then I begin to bring others into the resolution time. In one or the other of these approaches... Eureka! I do love light bulbs!
...but, what do you think?
Part of the reason for the allure of light bulbs is what they demonstrate - light coming into a situation of confusion or at least lack of clarity. Recall your own feelings when the apparent mess in front of you suddenly shows a distinct pattern or plan for accomplishment. This became the added impetus to complete the project. Yes? Actually, I can't think of a single negative associated with light bulbs other then their life expectancy is short.
But... in the midst of the muddy picture what can you do to create your needed light bulb quicker? Or is it merely a process that comes...? The answer, of course, is that it depends on the person. It isn't so much a function of the 'problem' as it is in the methodology of the problem-solver. Each person has their own way to light bulbs but unfortunately most people don't take the time to know their own approach to solution.
For example: when I find myself in the situation where I really need a answer soon but am not completely confident in the direction the 'project' is going, I stop. Before heading in a direction that will require backing up and thus wasting time, energy, resources I try and take some time, alone, to first - do nothing. And after I've had some separation time, I look at the puzzle again to see if something emerges that I hadn't seen before. Many times... it does. If it doesn't then I begin to bring others into the resolution time. In one or the other of these approaches... Eureka! I do love light bulbs!
...but, what do you think?
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