Do you ever listen to the words you speak? "I nearly died laughing..." "I could have killed (him, her, them)"...Really! If you could carry through by acting on these words, would you? Of course not - they are just expressions. However, couldn't we phrase it differently? Then again, we may not be aware of the power of words, our words. Any time the words 'never' or 'always' are used, be aware! You really may not want your words to come to fruition. Unfortunately, we tend to under estimate the power of words.
Which thought leads to - exactly how powerful do you think your words are? Are they able to accomplish whatever you have said? Let me quickly remind you of 2 scriptures - James warns us (3:10) "Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so." Perhaps this warning is given so that we are mindful of: "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." (Matthew 12:36-37) Words are very serious.
Another point on the power of words is found in Mark 11:23
"For assuredly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain 'Be
removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart,
but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have
whatever he says."
Granted we need to add the power of faith to the words for fruitfulness to occur, but the point is that faith added to words creates an incredible force. Also, if you will notice, it does not say 'think' in your mind; we are to 'say'.
When you look at scripture you see countless times in varied and sundry places the importance placed upon words. James laments the power of the tongue,
"... the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity." (3:6) "But no man can
tame the tongue... with it we 'bless our God and Father', and with it
we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God." (3:9)
Words, our tongue are serious considerations so we shouldn't use words unthinkingly. It is possible to be mindful of what we say... if, for no other reason, then we can clarify or rescind or amplify on our initial comment.
In John 6:63, Jesus speaking "...The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life." What about us? Do our words speak life? Do we lift up or tear down? Do we equivocate or do we stand by what we say? The bottom line is until and unless words become important to us we will never see the power the words have to effect lives. The things we say are important and I believe we need to be mindful of not only what we say but how we say it. Whatever you say, be very certain that if your words did come to fruition, you would want to see the results.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
'The devil made me do it...'
Many of us may remember an old Flip Wilson TV comedy series that often had a segment about a woman (Wilson) who typically was discovered in a lie or behavior that wasn't positive. The catch phrase when confronted with the patent behavior or words was... 'the devil made me do it...' Really! If this actually was true then it would be a terrible situation... being at the whim of the devil. I remember that when I watched the segment I was vaguely uncomfortable. I never did find it amusing. And I quit watching the program. However, the phrase has passed into comedic lore. Does the mindset?
Would you, when caught in this obvious and uncomfortable position, choose to lie... again? Or maybe act flabbergasted that anyone would believe or think you meant (fill in the blank)? Or maybe you would attempt to diffuse your complicity? Or perhaps... use a phrase not dissimilar to this one? I wonder... what exactly is your belief about 'the devil made (you) do it'? Does he have this kind of power over you? Have you given him permission to direct your actions/words? And if the answer to this last question is 'yes' - why? And if 'no' - then why use the phrase?
Never forget that the devil doesn't have the power to MAKE you do anything. He can 'whisper' in your ear and try to persuade you. The only way he knows if he's been successful is when he sees your actions or hears your words. But 'make you' - absolutely not! So why would anyone attempt to use this type of excuse? Partially because when we are 'caught' in (fill in the blank) we always try to extricate ourselves from the predicament. Most people do not immediately accept their responsibility and seek forgiveness so that all can move on. And it appears that humor is misused in these instances.
This phrase actually speaks more to our character - to our attitude and mindset when we do those 'things' that we know, in advance, that we shouldn't. We can always choose to control ourselves rather than self-indulge. And no, we don't always choose how we should be. Since most of the time we are eventual 'caught' this should be warning enough. Bottom line - we are responsible. It is always our choice. Our God is certainly far stronger than the devil, and He doesn't control us this way... why would He allow the devil to do so? No... the devil never makes you do anything that you don't choose to do.
Would you, when caught in this obvious and uncomfortable position, choose to lie... again? Or maybe act flabbergasted that anyone would believe or think you meant (fill in the blank)? Or maybe you would attempt to diffuse your complicity? Or perhaps... use a phrase not dissimilar to this one? I wonder... what exactly is your belief about 'the devil made (you) do it'? Does he have this kind of power over you? Have you given him permission to direct your actions/words? And if the answer to this last question is 'yes' - why? And if 'no' - then why use the phrase?
Never forget that the devil doesn't have the power to MAKE you do anything. He can 'whisper' in your ear and try to persuade you. The only way he knows if he's been successful is when he sees your actions or hears your words. But 'make you' - absolutely not! So why would anyone attempt to use this type of excuse? Partially because when we are 'caught' in (fill in the blank) we always try to extricate ourselves from the predicament. Most people do not immediately accept their responsibility and seek forgiveness so that all can move on. And it appears that humor is misused in these instances.
This phrase actually speaks more to our character - to our attitude and mindset when we do those 'things' that we know, in advance, that we shouldn't. We can always choose to control ourselves rather than self-indulge. And no, we don't always choose how we should be. Since most of the time we are eventual 'caught' this should be warning enough. Bottom line - we are responsible. It is always our choice. Our God is certainly far stronger than the devil, and He doesn't control us this way... why would He allow the devil to do so? No... the devil never makes you do anything that you don't choose to do.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Provoke!
Unless you are different from most people, the word 'provoke' is generally not thought of as a positive. We see the results of provoke when anger is expressed or a sharp retort or other negative response to what was said or done. The point typically is that 'provoke' does precisely that - it causes a reaction and typically one that is extremely visible. Most of the reaction is negative. Webster says that to provoke is to stir up purposely. Some of the associated synonyms are: instigate, excite, stir up, arouse. And from these descriptive words, there is no accident about provoke - it is deliberate.
However, there really is another side to the word. Hebrews 10:24 says: "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." Though your translation may read slightly different, 'stir up' is used interchangeably with provoke. Obviously this is a more positive definition than that typically associated with the word. Just as the descriptive words can be used negatively, they can also be used as a positive force. This usage means that we are to encourage one another into doing and saying those 'things' that will produce a positive response.
Provoke should be a conscious action. To 'stir up' one another to love and good works. Therefore, if what we are feeling is negative then if or when we attempt to speak or act on this, our 'product' will not be love or good works. I would suggest that we sometimes provoke in order to ... seek revenge, strike out, get our own way. This kind of 'provoke' accomplishes little and rarely leaves a good taste in our mouth.
Provoke is an attention catcher. It is not a word that is placid or calm - it is meant to create a reaction. When we use words or actions that provoke others, what's our intent? What do we hope the other people will experience, learn, like, appreciate, etc. from provoking them? Also, what do you experience when you provoke others? Do you know why you do what you do? Likewise, what is your experience when you are provoked by words or actions from others? A number of questions but my point is that sometimes we do provoke others but it was a consequence rather than the intended result.
However, there really is another side to the word. Hebrews 10:24 says: "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." Though your translation may read slightly different, 'stir up' is used interchangeably with provoke. Obviously this is a more positive definition than that typically associated with the word. Just as the descriptive words can be used negatively, they can also be used as a positive force. This usage means that we are to encourage one another into doing and saying those 'things' that will produce a positive response.
Provoke should be a conscious action. To 'stir up' one another to love and good works. Therefore, if what we are feeling is negative then if or when we attempt to speak or act on this, our 'product' will not be love or good works. I would suggest that we sometimes provoke in order to ... seek revenge, strike out, get our own way. This kind of 'provoke' accomplishes little and rarely leaves a good taste in our mouth.
Provoke is an attention catcher. It is not a word that is placid or calm - it is meant to create a reaction. When we use words or actions that provoke others, what's our intent? What do we hope the other people will experience, learn, like, appreciate, etc. from provoking them? Also, what do you experience when you provoke others? Do you know why you do what you do? Likewise, what is your experience when you are provoked by words or actions from others? A number of questions but my point is that sometimes we do provoke others but it was a consequence rather than the intended result.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Happy!
Are you? How do you know? Just as important - does your face know? That was not a sarcastic comment because we aren't always aware of the statement our countenance makes. I am not going to define 'happy' because the definition can be incredibly personal. Happy appears to be an all encompassing feeling. But happy is definitely visible... just as the opposite is visible. My only recommendation is that your face reflect what you are feeling... this way there will be less of a chance for mixed messages.
When you consider, happy, what do you think? How does this word relate to what you are feeling at any one point in time? I'm beginning to think that happy is more of a mindset, an attitude than it is state. But, is happy something we can experience? With our complicated lives is it possible to enjoy the simple pleasure of... happy? And yes, it probably does depend on how we define this word operationally. One clue for me in determining if there is a relationship between feeling and expression is to look at eyes. Eyes truly are a mirror of the soul and rarely can be falsified.
I know there are those who attempt to provide a positive (happy) expression regardless of what they feel because they don't want to ... bother, upset, dismay, (whatever word you want to include) others. But if you aren't 'fooling' them in the first place - why dissemble? Wouldn't it be so much better to allow yourself to feel whatever it is and not lie to yourself or others? Wouldn't you speed up the time you aren't happy by acknowledging you really aren't?
Part of my point is that when we aren't happy, we lengthen its control over us by not acknowledging its existence. Unhappy, like angry or irritated or other such non-positive emotions, will express itself. But it is tempered when we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and, as soon as possible, determine what is happening and how we can 'move on'. 'Happy' is much to be desired but it is enhanced by being a true reflection of what is happening for us. When 'unhappy', express it, deal with it, and discover where is your happy place.
In the final analysis... without denying or ignoring what is happening in your life, 'happy' is a state that you choose. Remembering Paul's words (in relation to 'content') he said that he 'learned'... Perhaps that's the same for us as well. We have to learn to be happy.
When you consider, happy, what do you think? How does this word relate to what you are feeling at any one point in time? I'm beginning to think that happy is more of a mindset, an attitude than it is state. But, is happy something we can experience? With our complicated lives is it possible to enjoy the simple pleasure of... happy? And yes, it probably does depend on how we define this word operationally. One clue for me in determining if there is a relationship between feeling and expression is to look at eyes. Eyes truly are a mirror of the soul and rarely can be falsified.
I know there are those who attempt to provide a positive (happy) expression regardless of what they feel because they don't want to ... bother, upset, dismay, (whatever word you want to include) others. But if you aren't 'fooling' them in the first place - why dissemble? Wouldn't it be so much better to allow yourself to feel whatever it is and not lie to yourself or others? Wouldn't you speed up the time you aren't happy by acknowledging you really aren't?
Part of my point is that when we aren't happy, we lengthen its control over us by not acknowledging its existence. Unhappy, like angry or irritated or other such non-positive emotions, will express itself. But it is tempered when we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and, as soon as possible, determine what is happening and how we can 'move on'. 'Happy' is much to be desired but it is enhanced by being a true reflection of what is happening for us. When 'unhappy', express it, deal with it, and discover where is your happy place.
In the final analysis... without denying or ignoring what is happening in your life, 'happy' is a state that you choose. Remembering Paul's words (in relation to 'content') he said that he 'learned'... Perhaps that's the same for us as well. We have to learn to be happy.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Equivocate
Webster: "to use unclear language especially to deceive or mislead someone; to avoid committing oneself in what one says." Do you know people who do this? Of course you do... we all do. The question should be - is this something you do? Again, I suspect that we all do - at least on some level with some people... sometimes. If we 'use' the excuse that we do this unthinkingly, that truly is no excuse, in fact - it's almost worse. When we do something 'unthinkingly' then this means that the words/behavior is so ingrained that it is the default method.
So if we equivocate - do we mean to deceive or mislead? Perhaps we do this to avoid committing ourselves? Why? Why do we have such a hard time to make our 'yes' yes or our 'no', no? (Matthew 5:37) I suspect part of the reason we do this is so that we always have 'a way of escape'. Yes? However, I believe the primary reason we do this is some form of perceived personal 'threat' - it's a self-defense and self-preservation behavior.
I think we all believe that if we don't truly commit ourselves to (fill in the blank) then we won't be associated with 'it'... especially if it 'fails'. But what if it succeeds? Can we somehow align ourselves to reap some of the reward? To me this is a very iffy way to live. Without commitment, pro or con, we don't stand for anything. And you know the fate of those that have no stand... yep - if they don't stand for something, they will fall for anything. (attributed to Alexander Hamilton). This is sadly always the case though sometimes those who fall don't even realize it until they are on their backs.
Personally, I don't see any value in equivocation. It may postpone, but it is never a quality to pursue because no one knows what you believe, perhaps including yourself. I believe it is simpler and more honest when you state your stand. You can always modify or change or refine when you know what you believe and why. Since equivocate, according to Webster, means to deliberately be evasive, what's the opposite? Again citing Webster - the opposite is candor, directness, forthrightness, frankness. This approach leaves less room for doubt or question and does allow all to know... precisely.
So if we equivocate - do we mean to deceive or mislead? Perhaps we do this to avoid committing ourselves? Why? Why do we have such a hard time to make our 'yes' yes or our 'no', no? (Matthew 5:37) I suspect part of the reason we do this is so that we always have 'a way of escape'. Yes? However, I believe the primary reason we do this is some form of perceived personal 'threat' - it's a self-defense and self-preservation behavior.
I think we all believe that if we don't truly commit ourselves to (fill in the blank) then we won't be associated with 'it'... especially if it 'fails'. But what if it succeeds? Can we somehow align ourselves to reap some of the reward? To me this is a very iffy way to live. Without commitment, pro or con, we don't stand for anything. And you know the fate of those that have no stand... yep - if they don't stand for something, they will fall for anything. (attributed to Alexander Hamilton). This is sadly always the case though sometimes those who fall don't even realize it until they are on their backs.
Personally, I don't see any value in equivocation. It may postpone, but it is never a quality to pursue because no one knows what you believe, perhaps including yourself. I believe it is simpler and more honest when you state your stand. You can always modify or change or refine when you know what you believe and why. Since equivocate, according to Webster, means to deliberately be evasive, what's the opposite? Again citing Webster - the opposite is candor, directness, forthrightness, frankness. This approach leaves less room for doubt or question and does allow all to know... precisely.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Being 'right'
You won't always be right, you know. No matter how hard you may try - there will be times that you 'simply didn't get it right'. And, being an A or B or whatever personality type has nothing to do with this state - we all want to be right! While we especially aren't enamored of being 'not right', we heartily dislike being 'wrong'. And yes, these two are not the same. Bottom line is that the only true difference is in how we express and handle not being right because it is somewhat inevitable that at some point we won't be right. (In some ways always being right and having the last word are related.)
Wanting to be right is probably a good attitude but when we aren't, our behavior is really what's important. The not being right times, though they may be uncomfortable or embarrassing, are the times of some of our best lessons. And... I've learned that it isn't a grievous sin if I don't always get it right, if I have to be corrected. Actually the truth is that it's far more important to be open to correction rather than to fight or ignore it. While the latter two accomplish little and really are counter-productive, when we engage in those behaviors, what we hope (being right) is rarely what we accomplish. Many times we only wastes a lot of time.
When you look at what you do and say when you aren't 'right', do you fight this or attempt to ignore? And the advantage to this is....? Remember, it really is OK not to always be right. It rarely is an 'end of the world', life or death situation. So why do we fight for 'our position' even when we know the other might be a better answer? My first thought would be - Pride. Our perception of ... us. If we admit we could be in error and/or 'surrender' our position, will this now be the perception by others of everything we say and believe - who we are?
My opinion is that those who seriously consider every possible response to (fill in the blank) are more secure in what they believe. When a different position is offered and they respond with questions rather than dismissal, they often reinforce their position in the minds of others. The best 'answer' should be what is sought, not the person offering the response. When we put the accent on the wrong sy-llab-le then we may be defeating the success.
Wanting to be right is probably a good attitude but when we aren't, our behavior is really what's important. The not being right times, though they may be uncomfortable or embarrassing, are the times of some of our best lessons. And... I've learned that it isn't a grievous sin if I don't always get it right, if I have to be corrected. Actually the truth is that it's far more important to be open to correction rather than to fight or ignore it. While the latter two accomplish little and really are counter-productive, when we engage in those behaviors, what we hope (being right) is rarely what we accomplish. Many times we only wastes a lot of time.
When you look at what you do and say when you aren't 'right', do you fight this or attempt to ignore? And the advantage to this is....? Remember, it really is OK not to always be right. It rarely is an 'end of the world', life or death situation. So why do we fight for 'our position' even when we know the other might be a better answer? My first thought would be - Pride. Our perception of ... us. If we admit we could be in error and/or 'surrender' our position, will this now be the perception by others of everything we say and believe - who we are?
My opinion is that those who seriously consider every possible response to (fill in the blank) are more secure in what they believe. When a different position is offered and they respond with questions rather than dismissal, they often reinforce their position in the minds of others. The best 'answer' should be what is sought, not the person offering the response. When we put the accent on the wrong sy-llab-le then we may be defeating the success.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
...getting back up
Not always an easy action. There are times when you feel so beaten down that you ask yourself if it is really worth it to get back up. This is especially true when you've really tried and done everything you can think of to make (fill in the blank) a success and absolutely nothing seems to work... 'why bother' is an emotion that will express itself. But... what's the alternative? Wallowing will allure us, but it has a limited appeal. Please don't misunderstand - we all have pity parties and I'm not convinced that this is necessarily always 'bad'. It's really more a matter of how long we stay in this 'condition'.
So now, after agonizing, you look around at where you are and ask - now what? All the questions of why, what could or should have been done, etc. spring to mind. However, the first step is getting back up. Not always a simple action but it has to occur for movement to happen. Once I've gotten though the majority of feeling sorry for myself, my picture to encourage me is the scripture that says, "... after having done all to stand, stand..." (Ephesians 6:10-18). Sometimes the first thing we need do is to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off... and stand. And though that's easily said, if you feel that you are covered in multiple layers of debris... not simple.
The question really is - do you know your method on how to once again stand? You will get back up again, but how you go about doing this is critically important to your continued success. What I or others do isn't as important is what you do. Is your method effective for you? If you are swaying as you stand, I would suggest that perhaps you do need a different approach. Initially we all seem to need some form of support until our legs are stronger - what's yours?
We all discover strength and comfort in these times. Sometimes it's other people as well but I would recommend that you turn to the Lord first. He will wrap His arms around you until you feel strong enough to look at what happened and He will help you resolve your 'what happened'. One of the issues is to not repeat the behavior/thinking that placed you in the situation in the first place - even if you do feel you did everything to fulfill the responsibility/create success. The point is you can learn from what happened, you can move forward, you can ... but first, you need to get back up.
So now, after agonizing, you look around at where you are and ask - now what? All the questions of why, what could or should have been done, etc. spring to mind. However, the first step is getting back up. Not always a simple action but it has to occur for movement to happen. Once I've gotten though the majority of feeling sorry for myself, my picture to encourage me is the scripture that says, "... after having done all to stand, stand..." (Ephesians 6:10-18). Sometimes the first thing we need do is to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off... and stand. And though that's easily said, if you feel that you are covered in multiple layers of debris... not simple.
The question really is - do you know your method on how to once again stand? You will get back up again, but how you go about doing this is critically important to your continued success. What I or others do isn't as important is what you do. Is your method effective for you? If you are swaying as you stand, I would suggest that perhaps you do need a different approach. Initially we all seem to need some form of support until our legs are stronger - what's yours?
We all discover strength and comfort in these times. Sometimes it's other people as well but I would recommend that you turn to the Lord first. He will wrap His arms around you until you feel strong enough to look at what happened and He will help you resolve your 'what happened'. One of the issues is to not repeat the behavior/thinking that placed you in the situation in the first place - even if you do feel you did everything to fulfill the responsibility/create success. The point is you can learn from what happened, you can move forward, you can ... but first, you need to get back up.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Totally, completely irritated
...with myself! Have you done or said 'something' that had consequences that you hadn't planned on and now you've 'done it!' Familiar? Been there before? We all have. Unfortunately this is one of those, 'been there, done that, bought the sweatshirt' realities. It's not an unfamiliar feeling. Our decision is what to do not just with the feeling but with the 'situation'. Can we repair the breech that's occurred?
I believe that while the feeling is uncomfortable, that should not be the focus. We should be attempting to, as dispassionately as possible, determine if there is anything we can do beyond apologizing. Sometimes we can only live with the consequences from our words/actions. This can be excruciatingly difficult, but since we are the cause, we have to. You do have to realize that there are times that you really can't fix (fill in the blank), yes?
Making amends is always a more comforting act when these times arise. Then we can 'move on', yes? Without determining how we can avoid these types of situations in the future would be a fruitful activity. Obviously it is necessary, in these situations, to review what it was we did/didn't do, said/didn't say. Was it an unthinking, mindless moment? We need to learn from what happened so we don't repeat it. Also, we can learn a great deal about ourselves and how we 'handle' those moments in which it truly is out of our hands and we can't remedy. While it's nice to believe that we always have the ability to 'control' the situation... is this true?
Since I believe in a learner's mindset, I believe that any and all situations - good and bad - provide us with countless opportunities to learn. I tend to believe that those 'uncomfortable' learnings have the more lasting impact. The point is to look at any learning potential from as many viewpoints as possible. Look at all sides. Consider all possible potential ramifications from your words/actions. When you develop this skill, you'll probably discover that you don't find yourself in these totally, completely irritated with self situation as often. They will happen... but when they do, you may find yourself equipped to respond from a more effective 'perspective'.
I believe that while the feeling is uncomfortable, that should not be the focus. We should be attempting to, as dispassionately as possible, determine if there is anything we can do beyond apologizing. Sometimes we can only live with the consequences from our words/actions. This can be excruciatingly difficult, but since we are the cause, we have to. You do have to realize that there are times that you really can't fix (fill in the blank), yes?
Making amends is always a more comforting act when these times arise. Then we can 'move on', yes? Without determining how we can avoid these types of situations in the future would be a fruitful activity. Obviously it is necessary, in these situations, to review what it was we did/didn't do, said/didn't say. Was it an unthinking, mindless moment? We need to learn from what happened so we don't repeat it. Also, we can learn a great deal about ourselves and how we 'handle' those moments in which it truly is out of our hands and we can't remedy. While it's nice to believe that we always have the ability to 'control' the situation... is this true?
Since I believe in a learner's mindset, I believe that any and all situations - good and bad - provide us with countless opportunities to learn. I tend to believe that those 'uncomfortable' learnings have the more lasting impact. The point is to look at any learning potential from as many viewpoints as possible. Look at all sides. Consider all possible potential ramifications from your words/actions. When you develop this skill, you'll probably discover that you don't find yourself in these totally, completely irritated with self situation as often. They will happen... but when they do, you may find yourself equipped to respond from a more effective 'perspective'.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Second Chances
I believe that I am a great example that there really are second chances. Personally, I find this to be a terrific blessing. Well at least it's a positive from my perspective. Wouldn't want to speak for you, but I am always a candidate for the potential of second chances, especially when I've done or said 'something' that I now regret. The message is always subject to the expression. Question - are there 'conditions' for second chances to occur? My first thought would be - YES.
However, if all we're going to do is to repeat the behavior (words) that caused the need for a second change, what's the purpose to give you/me another opportunity? The axiom that if we don't learn from history we are doomed to repeat it applies here. Also if we don't appreciate that we've been given a second chance then why would we even want it? Second chances, in my world of definitions, are the opportunities to 'right a wrong' or redeem or clarify the situation.
Another important consideration is - do you want the second chance? Will you be willing to make the adjustments (probably in your attitude) to warrant the opportunity? Will the adjustments 'cost' you too much? Remember that there is always a price to pay, a cost both to do and not do. The problem seems to be that we don't give sufficient consideration to this reality. 'Cost' is both a positive or a negative - the value comes from what we do, how we respond.
Do remember too that second chances never mirror exactly the same conditions that existed with the first opportunity. The difference lies in our awareness that we have been given another chance to redeem the situation. In all of this I never suggest that you stray from your own standards and beliefs - compromise is never the answer. Nor do I suggest that you merely 'placate' the other person - that's typically a form of lying, which always turns on you. The critical learning in this situation is that repeating, even when you think You are right, will never lead to effectiveness.
So what can you do? Make certain that the other person is understanding, but acknowledge that it's your opinion. Discover what they are thinking by asking them questions rather than telling them what they should think. It's true that you may be 'right' but if you want the other person to understand then use this second chance to demonstrate why you believe as you do. Walk your talk... regardless.
However, if all we're going to do is to repeat the behavior (words) that caused the need for a second change, what's the purpose to give you/me another opportunity? The axiom that if we don't learn from history we are doomed to repeat it applies here. Also if we don't appreciate that we've been given a second chance then why would we even want it? Second chances, in my world of definitions, are the opportunities to 'right a wrong' or redeem or clarify the situation.
Another important consideration is - do you want the second chance? Will you be willing to make the adjustments (probably in your attitude) to warrant the opportunity? Will the adjustments 'cost' you too much? Remember that there is always a price to pay, a cost both to do and not do. The problem seems to be that we don't give sufficient consideration to this reality. 'Cost' is both a positive or a negative - the value comes from what we do, how we respond.
Do remember too that second chances never mirror exactly the same conditions that existed with the first opportunity. The difference lies in our awareness that we have been given another chance to redeem the situation. In all of this I never suggest that you stray from your own standards and beliefs - compromise is never the answer. Nor do I suggest that you merely 'placate' the other person - that's typically a form of lying, which always turns on you. The critical learning in this situation is that repeating, even when you think You are right, will never lead to effectiveness.
So what can you do? Make certain that the other person is understanding, but acknowledge that it's your opinion. Discover what they are thinking by asking them questions rather than telling them what they should think. It's true that you may be 'right' but if you want the other person to understand then use this second chance to demonstrate why you believe as you do. Walk your talk... regardless.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Mission Accomplished
What do you do, how do you feel when a project you've been working on is successfully accomplished? Basking a few moments in the satisfaction that you have completed it is quite acceptable and I would think - mandatory. However, when basking becomes excessive, this is as useless as wallowing in other more negative emotions. Regardless... after the time of basking is over, now what do you do?
Some people will have planned for this situation when they saw that the project they had been working on was in the winding down stage and already have a new project 'at the ready'. Others look around somewhat baffled that the project has ended and aren't completely certain what they do want to do now. I think the point is that the time that had been charged to the project now is open and available for whatever the 'next' is to be.
I know, for myself, what it can't be - and that's an important understanding too. I really dislike 'make work' - my definition of that is doing something to fill the time but the value is only to fill the time. Whatever I undertake next has got to have value, meaning, purpose, and there has to be a passion about actually doing (fill in the blank). These are my criteria but you need to know what yours are. What are the essential ingredients that you need to be in evidence before you move on to a new project?
There's a great deal of satisfaction that one feels when the project you are working on results in an 'accomplished' status. No one wants to undertake their 'next' with less than those intangible ingredients that support and underscore the last accomplished. Whatever your passion is, it typically leads you in those areas that embody the intangibles. Regardless of the obstacles and problems you will face in the next project, without those intangibles being part of the project it will be extremely difficult to push through and continue.
Savor the accomplishment but do analyze it as well to identify those important 'criteria' for you that kept you going in the tough times and that lifted you up. If you do this then you can further.. 'accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative' as the song suggests.
Some people will have planned for this situation when they saw that the project they had been working on was in the winding down stage and already have a new project 'at the ready'. Others look around somewhat baffled that the project has ended and aren't completely certain what they do want to do now. I think the point is that the time that had been charged to the project now is open and available for whatever the 'next' is to be.
I know, for myself, what it can't be - and that's an important understanding too. I really dislike 'make work' - my definition of that is doing something to fill the time but the value is only to fill the time. Whatever I undertake next has got to have value, meaning, purpose, and there has to be a passion about actually doing (fill in the blank). These are my criteria but you need to know what yours are. What are the essential ingredients that you need to be in evidence before you move on to a new project?
There's a great deal of satisfaction that one feels when the project you are working on results in an 'accomplished' status. No one wants to undertake their 'next' with less than those intangible ingredients that support and underscore the last accomplished. Whatever your passion is, it typically leads you in those areas that embody the intangibles. Regardless of the obstacles and problems you will face in the next project, without those intangibles being part of the project it will be extremely difficult to push through and continue.
Savor the accomplishment but do analyze it as well to identify those important 'criteria' for you that kept you going in the tough times and that lifted you up. If you do this then you can further.. 'accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative' as the song suggests.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Imagination and knowledge...
Related? In any fashion? Let me share what I read in a very charming book, part of a very charming series by Susan Wittig Albert. The following is from Book 3, page 234 in "The Tale of Cuckoo Brow Wood", her Beatrix Potter series:
"It is undeniably true that the imagination is far more powerful than
knowledge, and that it is much more important to believe in something
than to know it! There is, after all, a limit to the things we can know
(even if we are fortunate enough to be geniuses), but no limit whatsoever
to the things we might imagine. And if we cannot imagine, we will never
know what we have yet to learn, for imagination shows us what is possible
before knowledge leads us to what is true."
I'm positive that there would be little argument that imagination and adventure are related. Closely. Quoting again from the book, page 238:
"...sometimes when you get into an adventure, there is no easy way
to get out, and you simply have to carry on the way you are going and
hope for the best."
To assume that we are in control of a new adventure is really ludicrous. Our choice is to be involved with the adventure or not. Regardless of which choice we make, we always pay a price - which would be most important to you?
Imagination and knowledge can be great mates, but I think that imagination should be the 'leader' unless there is harm also operating. Whether to yourself or to another, I see little to commend harm. At the same time, I would caution that we should not disregard 'risk'. Some of our greatest discoveries have occurred because someone was willing to risk. Safe is one component, but risk is also an important factor. If we always let knowledge lead our way there are going to be incredible missed opportunities for new discoveries.
I do like the idea that... "And if we cannot imagine, we will never know what we have yet to learn, for imagination shows us what is possible before knowledge leads us to what is true."You may think this too frivolous and completely unrelated to the new series. However, before you pass judgment I invite you to... consider.
"It is undeniably true that the imagination is far more powerful than
knowledge, and that it is much more important to believe in something
than to know it! There is, after all, a limit to the things we can know
(even if we are fortunate enough to be geniuses), but no limit whatsoever
to the things we might imagine. And if we cannot imagine, we will never
know what we have yet to learn, for imagination shows us what is possible
before knowledge leads us to what is true."
I'm positive that there would be little argument that imagination and adventure are related. Closely. Quoting again from the book, page 238:
"...sometimes when you get into an adventure, there is no easy way
to get out, and you simply have to carry on the way you are going and
hope for the best."
To assume that we are in control of a new adventure is really ludicrous. Our choice is to be involved with the adventure or not. Regardless of which choice we make, we always pay a price - which would be most important to you?
Imagination and knowledge can be great mates, but I think that imagination should be the 'leader' unless there is harm also operating. Whether to yourself or to another, I see little to commend harm. At the same time, I would caution that we should not disregard 'risk'. Some of our greatest discoveries have occurred because someone was willing to risk. Safe is one component, but risk is also an important factor. If we always let knowledge lead our way there are going to be incredible missed opportunities for new discoveries.
I do like the idea that... "And if we cannot imagine, we will never know what we have yet to learn, for imagination shows us what is possible before knowledge leads us to what is true."You may think this too frivolous and completely unrelated to the new series. However, before you pass judgment I invite you to... consider.
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