Cost

  The third Law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction (Newton). Using that as a guide, another way of applying that law is: there is always a cost in every decision you make. However,  many people don't take the time to consider their cost - in the short term, and if there is any long term residual cost. Even if you only classify 'the road not taken', the alternative decision as the cost - there IS a cost... always.

  There is no such thing as an 'uncost'. I've become convinced that every act, every stand, every word has a cost - both to do and to not do. Analyzing one's cost in any situation doesn't have to be viewed as a negative. But it shouldn't be ignored either. Part and parcel of decision-making is knowing consequences and ramifications from any action and being prepared to respond to them.

  Being blindsided through inadequate preparation is inexcusable. When 'cost analyzing' becomes part of the decision making process then we lessen the chance for lack of success. Also, sometimes we discover that the decision we are about to make shouldn't occur and the other option(s) may be better. In considering cost the obvious detail is how much you are willing and able to pay.

   Sometimes the cost of an action really is more than you need, want, or are able to assume. But, had you not taken the time to do the 'cost accounting' you would have experienced a result that, though 'successful', would have come at a price that was greater than necessary. I've never understood the attitude of simply blindly going on and defiantly not analyzing. Why stick your hand in a burning fire when you don't need to? In the final analysis - what's important? You will pay... but how much?

 ...but what do you believe? 

Control-er

  Are you a control freak? Of course you are - just like the rest of us! Your 'brand' of control may not be the same as the next person, but let's face it - you want to get your way! If we can agree that everyone controls, wants to control, does what is 'acceptable' to control then maybe we can release some of our need. Perhaps the question should be to what degree can you exert your influence to control???

  Control isn't always a 'bad' but it can be limiting. If it always has to be your way, or the extreme of: my way or the highway, then I believe this is crippling. Control is suppose to be an aid - to us, over us but not over others and all situations. When you release your need to control everything then you begin to see other options and opportunities. And yes, some of them are disastrous - but sometimes they prove to be a better way of thinking and acting.

  Whether your brand of control is subtle ('suggestions') or blatant (highway), whether it manifests itself as passive aggressive behavior or more obvious forms, the point is - you may be wrong. Imagine that! Quite honestly none of us are the authority on all things at all times. Opinion expressed is not necessarily control nor is it defiance of what you want. Someone else's 'control' may lead you in an entirely different direction, which may not necessarily be bad.

  I really am a 'come let us reason together' type. It's not that I'm avoiding confrontation, it's typically that I want the best results. And no, that's not altruistic - it really is quite selfish. I intensely dislike wasting time, energy, money, resources, etc. And no, not necessarily compromise - however, consensus may be the path to the best result. As long as everyone has the opportunity to express their thinking, as long as a reasoned discussion occurs, then I think we are on a less stressful path. Besides, our behavior and words should express consideration and set an example for toleration. If we want to be heard and our opinion considered... then we have to do the same.

...but what do you think?

Just right...

  When I was growing up I always enjoyed the story about Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. The focus on the porridge being ... just right... appealed to me. The concept is a positive one... isn't it? Isn't being in the right place and doing the right thing (job) and living a right life (no problems of relationships or finance or bad behavior or...) - isn't that worth striving for? Isn't it? However, is it ever possible?

  While 'just right' may be something to work toward, the goal - it still may not be attainable. And... what do you do with a 'just right'? This last question may be the salient one - what do you do when you are in a 'just right' place? Rest? Maintain? Do you now have no goals to work for? Is 'perfect' the condition you find yourself in? Absolutely not! It's a resting place yes, but momentary.

  'Just right' should give you the information that you really are on the right path for you and now it's time to look around, reassess, refine and move on. Standing still is not something to hold onto, regardless of age. In the first place you'll get run over if you are standing still. Or if you're holding too tightly, you may squeeze the life out of it. But as much as equilibrium is desirable, it rarely is attainable and never for very long.

  'Just right' needs to be viewed as what it is - a momentary condition of indeterminate length that is occurring on your way to wherever you are going. Even Goldilocks, after she had consumed the 'just right' porridge had to then deal with the irritated bears. Your journey may also be marked by bears after your 'just right' condition is finished. Enjoy the moment but prepare for the next step too.

...but what do you think?

Battles... relapses...victories

  Do you ever get the feeling that the battle you are currently fighting is all too familiar? A kind of déjà vu and not pleasant? I can't speak for you but when I find an uncomfortable similarity I get  extremely irritated. Something that I thought I had overcome has come back and is attacking me again. Where did I allow a re-entrance??? Or what part of the obstacle have I not addressed? 

  The reality that we tend to forget when we have overcome an obstacle in our lives is that it never goes quietly! Simply because we have won a victory doesn't mean that we have necessarily won the war. We must stay on guard because an obstacle enjoys its preeminence and will try a different avenue when it appears it has been defeated. Obstacles also need to know they are defeated with a capital 'D' not just a momentary success.
 
  Overcoming gives us a sense of relief and exultation. However, once we have done the emotional and spiritual 'high five', we really do need to assess if we've completely overcome. But the joy of the moment can deflect us from this task. One enormous clue of total victory is if we don't have any relapses. If there is then we need to look at what we haven't overcome and meet it head on.

  I really don't view battles and obstacles as totally negative. They can be seen as growth points, areas in which my personal walk improves, another overcoming victory. If I am experiencing no battles, no relapses, no obstacles... am I standing still? I have assignments to fulfill as do you and if I'm not facing any opposition, am I completing this assignment? Perhaps. But the critical thing is that we all are soldiers and are expected to present ourselves, prepared to do the work. Battles are a fact of life. But so are overcoming victories!

...but what do you think?

No one seems to care that I care...

  Long title. But have you ever found yourself in the position where you care but it really doesn't seem to make any difference... to anyone... that you do? Quite frustrating. And when you find yourself in that position does it make you wonder if you should? Of course not. If you care... you care. End of sentence. But now what?

  Admittedly I sometimes find myself surprised at me over what I do care about. Rarely is it those life size issues/philosophies/people that I passionately care about that surprise me - it's the 'little' things that creep up that expose these care-ables (yes, that's a word I just coined it if it isn't). But they really aren't 'little' if you care about them. What would be classified as a 'little'? Those things that really will not make a difference 'in the scheme of things' but you care anyway. Example: the outcome of a game, the who wins/loses. A month from now will you remember? Perhaps... but so what?

  Remember, caring about something/one can lead to a passion - is that what you want? Warning: choose your passions carefully for passions will direct you. Can you stop a 'care' from becoming a passion? Actually, you can. But do remember that a 'little' care can grow into a major care. A 'major care' by definition means that you will do something: such as give of your time or money or both.

  Caring is never a 'little' thing though what you care about might. Caring can be a positive force in our lives unless instead of a passion it becomes an obsession. Obsessions are never positive and they can consume everything around us. A passion, on the other hand, comes from reason, though there are those who may argue that point.The lovely thing about caring is that it typically is directed toward the good for others, even when no one seems to care that you care. Then again... that's my definition.

...but what do you think?

BLAME

  Why is it everyone, and I do mean everyone, always seeks to place blame?! It's her fault, or his, or theirs, and even inanimate things don't escape - didn't have enough time, money, people, etc. Whenever there is the possibility of negative consequences, immediately most people starting looking for someone/something to indicate as the reason for the poor results. And analyzing the situation always comes late to the party... after the attempt to cast blame.

  I believe that one of the important aspects is to realize and understand is that sometimes things happen that cause poor results but no one is the focal point of fault, it's merely the result of a variety of reasons. And yes, sometimes there are people and/or things that are the reason for the problem(s). However, without a reasoned review of why and where things 'went wrong', it really is impossible to understand what and why whatever happened.

  Pointing the finger of 'blame' rarely accomplishes anything unless the goal is to embarrass a co-worker... it rarely totally deflects attention from one's own contributions. Besides, if you are at fault then admit it, see how you can learn from it, and move on. If it's another's fault then helping them to see the error in order to move on is the only appropriate behavior, otherwise they will become defensive. The only effect use of 'blame' is to be able to develop strategies to ward against it. We should all be seeking to analyze and develop options.

  Blame can be a tool or it can devolve into time wasting time behaviors. Obviously, if the ineffective  behavior is repetitive or the individual is unwilling to admit error then the options to resolve the personnel component are few. But these are also 'teachable moments' - dependent upon the environmental milieu you live or work in. And if you are blaming yourself... what else are you doing? Are you also moving forward and learning from it?

... but what do you believe? 

Handling doubt

  Doubt is and it is insidious. We all face it... or try and run from it, but it's always hovering if it isn't present in some form of strength. What do we do with doubt? Actually... what IS doubt? Webster says that doubt is: "uncertainty of belief or opinion that often interferes with decision-making." A simpler way of stating it is that doubt is "a lack of confidence". And this 'lack' makes it difficult to act - that's the primary problem: doubt handling us rather than us handling doubt.

  For some people doubt is totally incapacitating, interfering with rational decision making. Because doubt does not necessarily have any relationship to logic or even fact, a kind of crippling condition that can consume. But if we ignore or deny or attempt to avoid/evade doubt - it grows. And the growth of doubt makes it doubly hard to deal with. The close mate of doubt is worry. Are you a worrier? Does your doubt lead you to worry... or does your worry lead you to doubt?

  Facing doubt head on typically is the only way to disperse it. The issue is one of control - you, leading to resolution or doubt leading to panic. So how do you meet it? You take a good hard look at the 'why' of your doubt. What is the foundation for the doubt? Perhaps something IS happening that is warning you not to continue or to take a different avenue. If you change how you react to doubt you may have discovered a new way to respond to changes in your environment.

  Doubt actually does have positive benefits as long as you aren't reacting with panic or fear to your doubts.Panic or fear only leads to chaos and accomplishes nothing. By contrast, when you discover the 'why' the doubt exists then you can take corrective steps based on the best possible resolution. In this latter scenario - it is you who is handling rather than being handled by doubt. 

...but what do you think?