Confidence

  Where are you on the confidence continuum? Supremely confident or low self esteem? And the focus/issue is not the point, I'm talking about your overall rating of you. Smugly Supremely Confident is not a positive nor is it attractive but snivelingly low self esteem isn't either. Your level of confidence really becomes a method of determining how much you put you into the equation of your current project.

  There is a direct correlation between your level of confidence in you in the specific situation and the potential for success. I find it fascinating that we will often hedge our bets and put just enough of our selves into the equation that it won't hurt if we 'lose' and that we're still involved if progress is made. That, my friend, is lukewarm living. It exemplifies compromise and temporizing. Plus there is an excellent chance that you'll lose what it is that you believe and think.

  A person of confidence is able to function in conflict and is able to listen to opposing views. If you really are confident, you won't disallow other's thoughts because they could possibly be refinements on the original plans. Likewise when you are asked to 'defend' your position you are able to offer cogent arguments to explain. Confidence is not a stick but it is a stand.

  Minimally, if you are confident in (fill in the blank) then you are equally willing to be known for what you believe. However, if you are not confident and it is an essential issue, you need to do what is necessary to discover and this is more than merely accepting the majority view. Confidence knows what it believes and equally important - why.

...but, what do you believe?

Coping with disappointment

  It's not always easy and sometimes it is extremely difficult to cope with a disappointment - regardless of the 'type'. For many of us, the first reaction to disappointment is pouting. Pouting can take many forms but there are both childish and adultish - and both exist, are visible, and are undeniably pouts. There are multiple issues related to pouting and one is length. Exactly how long will you pout about a situation that is over?

  Disappointment seems to be a fact of life so it should be relatively logical to devise a host of ways to cope with it. But it also seems that we have to develop a new response each time we have to deal with disappointment. Our attitude toward this problem is the critical component in terms of how effective we deal with the disappointment. So how do you cope? What do you do to 'move on' positively?

  I think the major issue is do we do anything to move on that has anything to do with the cause of the disappointment? I'm a 'teachable moment' type and nothing does a better job of providing teachable moments than how we handle disappointments. If nothing else it will hone our analytical and critical thinking skills. In the midst of all this I believe that it's also important to look on the positive learnings in the situation. What are the positives that occurred even though the results were disappointing?

  Bottom line is that disappointments occur, are painful and last as long as we allow them. We can use the information from the disappointment to create something new or we can wallow in our feelings. The latter position will guarantee lack of our own personal growth. Actually a different type of bottom line is what we learn about ourselves with these situations arise. Learning is always a choice.

...but, what do you think?

Decision-making

   How do you arrive at your decision? There are many types of decision making styles... which describes you? Do you laboriously consider each and every option and ramification? Do you, after asking a number of people, accept the 'majority' opinion? Perhaps you adopt the 'fly by the seat of the pants' approach Do you take a serendipitous approach, adhering to the belief that 'everything will work out'... regardless of whether or not you do anything?  Or maybe you take a I-won't-make-a -decision-so-I-don't-have-any-responsibility-for-what-happens?

  And the preferred style: the person who analyzes the situation and looks for options and ramifications and then makes a 'timely' decision. Ideally we would use our foresight. But... no one has it so we're all on an even playing field. Some of us seem to have more intuition then others, but maybe it's more that some are more observant or listen to that 'inner voice' and follow it more often than others.

  I do wish I had foresight... but then, life wouldn't be such an adventure if I did. However, we would probably have less scraped knees. Since we don't have foresight - what can we do? I've always thought that developing a critical thinking approach to decision making would be the preferred method. I still do. But, if you are a critical thinker then you can't use the excuse of innocence/I didn't know - this tends to be the drawback. For me, it's worth that price.

  Regardless, even critical thinkers have to take a position at some point. How you present your stand is nearly as important as your stand. It is important that you remain flexible in order to take in new data. It's also important that you make your decision confidently, knowing you've done all you can to arrive at the best possible decision. The final step of monitoring what's happening as a result of the decision becomes the most critical step - this step can assure success because it's a relevant to what is actually happening thus allowing for adjustments.

...but, what do you think?

It all starts with you...

  While I say, often, that it's all about you, it's because it all starts with you. But if it only stays with you then you're not doing anything with what you are and have (and have been given). Yes... it starts with you, and it is all about you... but it's also - more! You were never designed to horde you. You have always been designed to share. Share implies and is defined as mutual, not one-sided. 
 
  I don't know about you but I get extremely frustrated when I can't share a new discovery or a different way to look at an issue. I truly believe that we were meant to be share-ers. It's when we blend our discoveries together that we get a broader picture and further understanding. I suspect that's why I enjoyed teaching because I was always delighted to see light bulbs go off in the student's eyes. To be totally honest, I think the students probably taught me more than I taught them. 

  One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is in a teaching by Paul in 1st Corinthians 12 in which he is telling the church: a. don't compare gifts, b. don't give place to one gift over another, c. you are to share your gift because it is needed. You are needed to fill the place with your gifting. None of us are islands unto ourselves and we all need one another.

Perhaps a different way of considering this is: do you think you are you by chance or is there a design to you and for your life? Do you believe that you have a destiny? Obviously I would argue - design. Serendipity does exist in our thinking but I wonder if it's by fact? Coincidences and chance really are only concepts we've developed - I have difficulty believing that there isn't an overall plan. But there is a caveat in this - our reaction and our decisions. It's always your decision about if, what, and how you share.

...but, what do you think?

'mood'

  Have you ever just been in a 'mood'. No identifying marks. You can't say it's just ... or it's only... (I intensely dislike the dismissive 'just' and 'only'). Initially, you really can't identify 'mood' - what it is, where it came from, why it's here - it just is! I really, really hate those times. And don't tell me you haven't experienced them. But what do you do when they happen? And, more importantly, how do you get out of them?!

  By now I can typically identify the beginning stages to these times. And not being the patient type, I find that attitude only contributes to 'mood'. However, identification doesn't necessarily bring resolution. Distraction (from the mood) rarely last long though, admittedly, the type of distraction does have a bearing. Regardless, distraction is only a temporary 'fix'. A 'doing' approach only will work if the doing has a relationship to the mood.

  For me, these are times of frustration, rarely depression, but the kind of mood does need to be dealt with. Everyone, once they are in or going in to this funk, will need to deal with 'mood' or it will stay longer than it should. And yes, every mood does have a type even if it seems initially non existent. And just as everyone has to deal with 'mood', everyone has to start by identifying the why of the mood first.

  Whys are as important as what's with these types of moods. For me, the whys can often be traced to unfinished business, unresolved issues. Sometimes these are surprises because the assumption was that everything was finished and resolved. Typically all I need do is look at the latest 'completion' to find the issue. Then it's my responsibility to actually resolve the uncompleted in order to move on. Did I happen to tell you... I'm in a mood.

...but what do you think?

What you get...

  depends, basically, on what you put in. The old 'what you see is what you get' can be applied to your 'gettings'. What you do is of paramount importance. If you do nothing, do you still expect? Many people do. The do nothing but expect something is the 'free ride' mindset - but this doesn't exist. Sometimes there is a getting but it isn't what you expect or want. Does this describe you?

  There are two old sayings that seem applicable: 'God helps those who help themselves.' and, 'All things cometh to those who waiteth, if they worketh like h**l while they waiteth.' There's some truth in this, but perhaps not precisely what you may be thinking. While multiple issues pop to mind, the one we're interested in at this moment is what are you doing to get what you want? The corollary: is what you're getting what you want?

  Doing and getting are 'concepts' that are highly interrelated and interdependent. Is your doing done with the proper motive? Are you investing all that you need to in order to get the outcome you are seeking? The one who risks nothings gets precisely that - nothing. Are you 'pie in the sky' expecting without any personal expenditure of doing? And perhaps the underscoring question... why do you want what you want?

  I don't have your answers and those are only some of the questions. But, you need to know where you are and what your expectations are as well as your level of willingness to get what you want. What if you 'lose'? What if the price is to much to bear? While I don't believe in failure per se, it is true that the only real failure is a failure to try. Trite? Yes, but that's what happens to true sayings. If you are sitting, if you are expecting but not personally committed then?????? Never be afraid to try, rather... fear sameness.

...but, what do you think?

Where do you belong?

  Belonging... a critical emotional, intellectual and 'need to know' concept - I suspect that's why I write about it, in its many manifestations, as I do. Where you 'belong' identifies you as much to others as to yourself, but especially to ourselves. Do you know where you belong? Are you in your place of belonging? Undeniable is the issue of belonging - we really aren't islands unto ourselves. However, it's not just where you belong it's also what you do with your belonging - that tells the tale.

  Equally important is - do you know that you may belong in more than one place? Maybe the question is more - where do you want to belong? What I mean by this is I was basically talking about the visible involvement not necessarily your internal 'place'. Example: belonging can be something you 'join', such as: do you 'belong' to a fitness club? If so then this says that you value physical fitness. Another example is where you choose to go to church... or not. This demonstrates your allegiance. Participation v. merely attending tells the tale of your depth of involvement and valuing.

  But, where do you want to belong? Belonging is as much a you choose as being chosen - both have to exist - and yes, I am primarily talking about the interpersonal components that define your life. Belonging carries with it responsibility, a deeper level of commitment than a casual involvement. Belonging also carries with it rights and privileges. It can be argued that your place of belonging is your foundation - the place from which you find strength and solace.

  As important as belonging is to our personal mental health and happiness, it must first start with knowing and accepting ourselves. Without a sense of who we are: our goals and aspirations, our abilities and dreams, our destiny... we have no frame of reference. And our frame of reference, I would argue, is what binds us together. It's this foundation of beliefs and attitudes that gives us the basis to be. And this also gives us the security to be ... different, our unique selves.

...but, what do you think?